I just could not do enough, be enough or feel good enough.
Each failure seemed to add more weight to by back:
Try, fail. More weight.
Work, get nowhere. More weight.
Achieve, go unrecognized. More weight.
Accomplish, but desire more. More weight.
My body was at a breaking point. I couldn’t handle it; I couldn’t cope.
Because if you’re an achiever – and you don’t achieve –
you’re really just a failure in training.
If you’re an achiever – who comes in second place –
you are really just a loser without a cause.
If you’re an achiever – who achieved-
you’re really only as good as your last achievement.
Striving and perfectionism waged war in my life and led me to become a dying frame of an anorexic girl. They led me to seek refuge in selfishness, bitterness and depression.
All my work to gain love, had only left me feeling – unloved.
But, Christ is doing a mighty work in my life as I have relinquished control. More and more, he is helping me see that achievement, based on self, is one of the main requirements of the devil.
a thing done successfully, typically by effort, courage, or skill.
to cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.
Achievement that is not based in a response of obedience to the Gods’ authority, is obedience to the wrong authority.
This authority of the unseen world, loves to see our hearts inclined to self-authority. No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other… (Mt. 6:24)
Whom do you follow?
What do you follow?
When we struggle against achievement, we go arm to arm with God to fight for authority.
When we struggle with achievement, we stand up and say, I can do it better than you.
When we struggle with achievement, we see ourselves – and look away from God.
It boils down to pride.
And, it’s no wonder it feels like it may break our backs.
Because Jesus has already carried this load and it is no longer ours to carry. His body was already broken for you and for me.
The price has been paid. It is finished. We are free from the heavy burdens of self-sufficiency, because Christ is 100% sufficient.
He calls us to unload and let go, by saying:
– My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Cor. 12:9)
– For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Eph. 2:8-9)
– Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Mt. 11:28-29)
He calls us to freedom in him.
He calls us to rest in his ways.
He calls us to trust by faith.
He calls us to follow his will.
He calls us to life in Him.
He calls us to prayer with hope.
He calls us to seek his ways.
He calls us to follow his truth.
He calls us to find peace in his leading.
Here we are safe under the right authority – as we submit to the one who will protect us, guide us and help us.
Christ has already done the work.
The law has been completely fulfilled. The grace has been completely poured out. The condemnation has been completely removed.
I no longer have to struggle to make the world pleased with Kelly, because God is well pleased with Kelly.
I no longer have to be beholden to my own ways, because Jesus is the only way.
I no longer have to fear the outcomes of others, because my outcome is secure – eternity awaits!
Just drop the weight! It feels so good. Why carry around a back full of loaded bricks? Why not unload them into the arms of Christ? This way he can instruct you and guide you as you build your earthly and eternal house – brick by brick by brick – according to his will.
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. (Ps. 127:1)
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