I have something to admit. . .
Whenever I get an email in reply to one of my blog posts, I brace myself. Before I even open it, a sense of dread settles over me. I anticipate words that will make my heart hurt.
Oh no, I must have said something wrong.
I wasn’t helpful.
I got cited the wrong verse.
They found an issue with my perspective.
It is a completely unwarranted expectation. The number of people that write words of thanks, encouragement, and life — far, far, far, outweigh other comments. Yet, still. . .
The other day, I opened an email.
“Thanks for the emails you send. Today’s post felt like it was out there just for me. . .”
I stopped in my track. She said it was “out there”. They must have thought I pulled something out of left field. I wonder why it was “out there” to her and how I skewed things so much.
Then, I re-read it. And, as I did, I caught the true meaning of what she meant. She meant it was — out there in her email inbox — just for her.
God hit me. How often do I anticipate the worst and then find it because it’s what I feel I deserve?
How often do I see the negative in my children, because I don’t feel like “that great of a mom”? Or, how often do I hear an underlying message behind someone’s words, when they’re not even saying that?
We find what we are looking for.
I don’t want to find what is dark, demoralizing and negative. I want to find God’s goodness and light.
I want to have this attitude: “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” (Ps. 27:13)
I want to look for God and find Him.
I want to expectantly wait for Him and see Him.
I want to think of Him and rejoice in the blessings of His goodness.
“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” (Is. 30:18)