Purposeful Faith

When Routine Is Robbing the Romance

Robbing the Romance

Welcome Sharon Jaynes! Sharon is authentic, real and brings practical and applicable tips to win in your marriage. Plus today, she’s giving away a free book if you comment. 

What do you do when you’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’ in your marriage?

Maybe you truly adored your husband in the beginning, but now you can’t remember why.

Maybe you honestly admired his finer qualities, but now you can’t remember what they were.

Maybe you appreciated his wonderful attributes, but now you take them for granted.

Between taking out the garbage, paying the bills, running the car pool, mowing the lawn, disciplining the kids, and folding the laundry, sometimes the passion of marriage gets lost. It happens to all of us at one time or another.

We can get so busy taking care of life that we forget to take care of love.

None of us got married so we could have a long list of chores. If you’re like me, most likely you got married because you were madly in-love and couldn’t imagine life without your man! You got married because your heart skipped a beat every time you laid eyes on him.

You couldn’t wait to tie the knot and build a life with this incredible person God had miraculously brought into your life. Maybe you still feel that way. But maybe you could use a little reminder—a re-stoking of the romance.

In the book of Revelation in the Bible, God had this to say to the church at Ephesus: “I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first” (Revelation 2:4).

Ephesus was one of the most loving churches in the New Testament, and yet somewhere along the way they lost that initial thrill of knowing Christ. Their love for each other and for God had grown cold.

So how do you get that lovin’ feelin’ back?

God gave the church two simple steps, and I believe we can apply them to our marriages as well. “Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first” (Revelation 2:5, emphasis added).

Remember how it was in the beginning.

Return and do the things you did at first.

One day I took John’s words in Revelation to heart, and decided to remember and return by romancing my husband for fourteen days straight.

Can I tell you, I was a little bit nervous about it?

What if he thought I was silly?

What if he didn’t respond?

But I took a deep breath, push the fear aside, and began to romance my man like I did in the early days.

Everyday wasn’t earth-shaking romance, even though there was some of that.

One day I simply put a sticky note on his bathroom mirror that said, “I love you.”

Another day I placed a box of Red Hot candy on his car seat with a note that said, “You’re a hottie.”

One morning I warmed up his towel in the dryer and had it ready when he got out of the shower.

And you know what happened? At the end of the fourteen days, Steve had a skip in his step and smile on his face like a Cheshire cat.

And what happened in me? I can hardly describe the love that welled up in me, as I loved my man well. Hear this…I changed.

I don’t have a big, bad personal story of how God took a terrible, tumultuous marriage and miraculously transformed it into a storybook romance filled with white-knight rescues, relentless romance, and rides into the sunset leaving all danger and darkness behind. Although our marriage has been all that at one time or another, it’s no fairy tale.

Our marriage is a daily journal, one page after another, one day after another. I’m guessing just like yours.

Some entries are smudged with tears; others are dog-eared as favorites.

Some days are marred by unsuccessful erasures that couldn’t quite rub away hurtful the words said; others are finger-worn by the reading of precious events time and time again.

But on those days when I see my marriage slipping back into the mundane cadence of passionless routine, I pull out my list of ideas, and put a smile on Steve’s face.

And that’s my challenge to you and to me today. When we see the fire needs stoking, remember and return. It may be a little scary at first, but be brave and begin!

What is one thing that you can do for your husband today to remind him of how much you love him?

***Leave a comment and tell one thing that attracted you to your husband when you were dating. We’ll randomly pick one name and send a FREE copy of Sharon’s new book, A 14-Day Romance Challenge: Reigniting Passion in Your Marriage.

Sharon Jaynes is a conference speaker, devotion writer for Girlfriends in God and Proverbs 31 Ministries, and author of 21 books. Her latest book, A 14-Day Romance Challenge: Reigniting Passion in Your Marriage will help you step out of the mundane routine of life and captivate your husband all over again. With encouraging stories, Biblical principles, and over 250 simple ideas on how to romance your husband, Sharon will show you how to put a smile on your husband’s face. Just in time for Valentine’s Day!

Don’t forget to leave a comment to win….

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Kelly, a fun-loving, active and spunky mom of two rambunctious toddlers, spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers and pursuing the Lord with all her heart. Called a "Cheerleader of Faith", Kelly's greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully and unencumbered for the Lord.

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55 CommentsLeave a comment

  • He was a gentleman. Was the only guy I dated that opened the door for me, held my hand and just made me feel safe and protected. That’s what attracted me to my husband of now 12 years going on 13.

    • I had gone to dinner with an ex boyfriend after 15 years since we had parted ways. He was passing through the town I was ling in and asked if we could meet for dinner. By God’s grace, we started dating and I was attracted to his compassionate heart and listening ear. He was ver handsome too!

  • He took care of me. My ex would never go to the doctor or hospital with me when I was sick, but my husband now would go with me, stay with me and also take care of after we got back home as well. That made me feel comfortable.

  • I love your metaphor of a marriage being like a daily journal. After nearly 27 years, we have created a thick volume of stories, and I’m thankful to have lived them all with my patient husband who is God’s gift to me.

  • Great reminder of tending to our marital fires or they will go out. I love the 14 day challenge and will do that, too. Yes, marriage is a lot of things and the more good we add to it, the more we reinforce it for those rocky times. Thank you!

  • My hubby was just nice when I met him. So not like most of the other boy I’d dated. Nice and humble. Great post! Because we are there. Nearly 13 years of marriage, his highly stressful job, two boys about to enter puberty, and my volunteering has dulled the shine of our once glossy existence. But I’m willing to work for it! Thanks for sharing!

  • I’m planning on making him his favorite muffins to take to work for breakfast. Every time ive done this in the past it’s been such a big deal to him. Maybe even make some of his favorite cookies.

  • I love that my husband has always been confident and sure of himself. He doesn’t change for people, he stays true to himself. He was working late last night so I made him coffee just like he liked it and kissed him on the head. It was little but hopefully made him feel good!

  • The one thing that attracted me to my husband Ted was his sense of humor. It is corny, to say the least, but it is what makes Ted Ted. He is handsome of course, but I adore the things he says and the way he says them…it keeps me laughing all the time.

  • My husband and I met in college. What made him stand out was responsibility. He had a good job, a piece of land, and big dreams. I found his maturity very attractive as a 22-year-old.

  • What attracted me to him 16 years ago was his desire to take care of me and spend time with me enjoying things together. After 16 years we’ve had our ups and downs and have realized that marriage is a journey. Some days you’re on the mountain and sometimes you’re in the valley. You just keep walking. Thankful for others who have gone through trying times and share their stories so I know I’m not alone. I know when God is 1st everything else flows as it should.

  • Even though I’m in a dark place in my marriage at the moment, but my Faith that God could restore our Marriage again is what keeps me going. Maybe I’m not answering the question but felt like I should still comment. Every time my husband will deploy or go to the field for training I will always hide a note on his helmet. Telling him how much I loved him and how proud he made myself and the kids for his sacrifice. I did this for 6 deployments and countless field trainings. As I said times are really dark in our marriage but as I read todays blog God assured me that no matter what I could still leave him a note telling him how much I appreciate him for all he has done for his family serving out country for 16 plus years. And let God take control as well to tell him that no matter what his decision is about our Marriage that I will always Love him. Thank you for this amazing blog today. God Bless

  • I first feel in love with my now husband, when I would look across the church and see his face radiate everytime he gave a testimony. We’ve been married five years now, & our senior years look somewhat golden. Second marriages, grandchildren etc can take a toll on marriages as well. Hope to get your book.

  • There are so many things, but his beautiful brown eyes and his gentle loving heart which loved me for who I am. Knowing all my faults still loves me. ❤️

  • my husband is the love sparked person in our marriage , i am going to do what he does before he does it ….this is going to be very interesting and fun…thanks Sharon qnd Kelly GOD bless you guys !

  • We had the best talks while dating and would stay up until the sun came up! There are many distractions now and we need to refocus on our priorities…Too often, the kids come before each other. I’d love to read this book!

  • Marriage is a daily journal
    We have been married 15 years
    Laughter spontaneity deep love for Jesus and family!
    Still love all that about him.
    Still intentionally romance each other.

  • One thing I loved about my husband when we were dating was his voice. Slight northern accent and very kind. Especially on the phone. Comparing marriage to a daily journal is a great analogy … I can definitely relate to the picture of some entries being “smudged with tears,” while “others are dog-eared as favorites.”

  • What first attracted me to my husband of 30 years was his confidence in who he was in Christ. And he was so handsome! Thank you so much for this blog. I love him but have noticed the spark has definitely dimmed in many ways. So I am going to remember and return and I already have an idea for today!

  • I was attracted to soooooo many things while dating my hubby and I still am. If I have to give one thing, it was that my husband read his Bible. After going through an unhealthy marriage and a bitter divorce, I felt that if a guy read his Bible daily we could make it through anything–and I was right! That one attribute in Todd has helped us get through a host of problems in our first five years of marriage. We’ve had four family members struggling with depression, job loss, financial issues, blended family issues, Todd’s open heart surgery, changing careers, publishing books, major health issues with parents…These issues have all been manageable because I have a man of the Word! His reliance on God keeps us steady. If I could give a second trait that attracted me was his gorgeous steal grey almond shaped eyes. Phew! I love this man <3
    ~Sherry Stahl

  • What attracted me first to my husband was his big beautiful blue eyes. You could see into his soul through those things. I could see he was a man with compassion and a kind heart and not one mean bone in his body. He was the man I prayed for. I love my husband very much.

  • It was the way he made me laugh and his compassion that attracted me to him. We were in grade 8 at a tobaggon run when we met and really couldn’t tell what he looked like underneath the hat, coat and snow ;). We’ve been married 30 years but the routine has stolen part of the romance. Thanks for the inspiration and giveaway!

  • We had dated since I was 13 years old! We did everything together and there was never a dull moment! I’m so thankful for God’s Devine plan- 5 years, 2 states, 3 cities, 5 houses, and 2 adorable kids later… We are still head over heals! I would LOVE the win this book!

  • Oh, how I needed to hear this! My husband and I are doing well at doing life together and enjoying the journey, but somehow we’ve lost the little romance pieces….kind of like ice cream without sprinkles.

    I love how you described being nervous that he would think it’s silly. I’m in the same boat. I’m the talking, feeling, heart on my sleeve, emotional one…hubby….not so much. I’m trying to think of ways to romance him that are really about him.

    So grateful for the encouragement today 🙂

  • First–the thing I loved about my husband then & now is his utter truthfulness! It’s so refreshing to know what someone really feels!
    Second, this is my first time at your link party! Thanks for hosting. I hope my post fits in okay, because I’m out to inspire women to look great at any age. My blog incorporates my mom (the 70’s model) and my stepmom (the 60’s model) too!

  • The first thin that attracted me to my husband was his sense of humor and his ability to make everyone in a room feel welcome. I was shy, reserved, and fearful to express my opinion after being controlled by my mom and ex husband. He helped show me that I am valuable and deserving of love ♡

  • LOVE this testimony! AND your book cover oh my goodness, so creative! People need this message because sometimes hope seems like a huge hurdle when the solution and life are right there in front of us. Before the holidays a spark in my own marriage happened and it was things like this (going out of our way to do little acts of kindness) that really brought us back to life and reminded us we DO love being with each other! Thanks so much!

  • My husband was my childhood sweetheart and he was so very precious and still is. He was so helpful raising our daughters. And then I became ill. I had surgery with complications and rehab. Then came seizures. They have subsided but I no longer work. I still suffer from headaches. He has remained by my side throug it all. So precious and dear to my heart ❤️. He is my soulmate.

  • God must be speaking to me – this is the second time I’ve come across this scripture over the last 3 days! Would love the book and ideas to re-kindle my marriage…I never want to take this love for granted !

  • Sharon, I love this post. Our marriages truly are something we need to be intentional about. We need to show our men we love them, especially in the ways they understand love.

    My guy was (and is) always thoughtful about his words. He picks each one with deliberateness, wanting to make sure he conveys an accurate message, if that makes sense. Being a words-of-affirmation girl who’d been hurt by other guys’ words, my hubs’ attention to what he said spoke love to me in a variety of ways. I think this was one of the first things that attracted me to him.

  • After 35 years of marriage its hard to remember the early days! But, certain things still stand out ….. even though he worked long hard days on a ranch he always showed up for our dates in the cleanest of white shirts and pressed wranglers! Still takes my breath away!

  • I think it’s too hard to pick just one thing that attracted me to my husband of almost 24 years. So I will share a few his unconditional and non judgmental love for me regardless of my upbringing or past faults. I went through many struggles before we got married and he stood by my side in all of it and held my hand as he still does today. He could’ve easily walked out and decided this wasn’t for him but he didn’t. He loves me at my worst and sees me at my best, believes in me and gives me permission to shine. He sees me becoming more and growing deeper in my walk with Christ. He calls me his beautiful angel and gift from God. I fell in love with his beautiful ocean blue eyes ,his sweetness and the tender gentle giant that he is. We’ve vowed to each other no matter what we may stumble upon in our journey and marriage. We’re in it together for the long haul and no matter what divorce is not an option the only option we chose to make is to let God walk with us through all of it!

  • My favorite thing was that he would (and still does) selflessly help othets, even if it was not convenient or did not benefit him in any way.

  • I love these ideas Sharon! Your book looks helpful!
    I was attracted to my husband’s humor. He can make me laugh harder than anyone I know. Life is fun with him.

  • My husband’s hands first attracted me when we were dating. His hands were the strongest and yet most gentle hands ever. I could tell he had done jobs that required hard work but there was a protectiveness in his hands……..I could tell he would use his hands to provide for us and also to protect and guide me in our life together. My husband was a man of God and he used those hands I admired so much, to give thanks to the Lord, work hard for our union, and to always keep me safe.

  • When my husband and I were first dating I lived in an older apartment building on the top floor with no air conditioning. It was a hot summer and he came over and installed a ceiling fan over my bed. I thought he was wonderful and so impressed how he tackled the job so fearlessly. To this day he is still my hero that continues to do acts of service to make our lives better. I love him.

  • My husband hasn’t planned a date for us in the entire ten years we’ve been married and twelve we’ve been together. So, I eventually just stopped. But, claiming what’s fair doesn’t feel good either. I really want us to grow old in love together! kudos to you for writing a book for people like me.
    Happy Tuesday.

  • He was so outgoing and funny and could make me smile in any situation. We have been through many situations in our 27 years of marriage and he continues to make me smile and laugh.

  • Whoa! My husband is so funny! He can turn a bad situation ( at my expense) into something funny. He has me in stitches! He brightens up my day with his funny sense of humor!

  • Daniel, my husband of 4 years, was the only person to see past the damage done by my dysfunctional family and insecurities from previous relationships. From the very start of our friendship he was supportive, kind, understanding, and protective (in a good way). He became my best friend. As soon as we became friends I knew I was going to marry him one day. He’s been instrumental in helping me find my true passions and overcoming the insecurities of my past. God gave me the man I needed to support me in fulfilling His will for my life.

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