Purposeful Faith

Living as a Disappointment (Linkup)

Living as a Dissapointment

Living as a disappointment

I lived much of my life feeling disappointed in myself.

I heard the message loud and clear, I needed to more than myself.

You got a job? You should have got this other one.
You are doing this? You should be doing that.
You are going there? Anywhere, but there.
You are thinking this? What about that?
You are saying this? I think you should say this.

Underneath the questioning, was the underlying thought that my decisions were not good enough, my thoughts not worthy and my perceptions were invalid.

Over and over again, I heard, I was not enough.

So, either I would follow the safe path, trying to be enough or I would go my own way, knowing I would never be enough. But, either way, I always knew that I would disappoint and not be enough.

All roads led to the same destination – a sea of complete inadequacy – raging sky high with waves of fear and uncertainty.

A standard was set for me and I knew, no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, I could never meet it.

Have you ever felt this way?
Have you ever felt pulled down by the disappointment that is – you?
In a place where you ask, “What’s the use? I am going to fail anyway.”

It can make us feel powerless and out of control.

I’ve battled these feelings for much of my life, so know I know how it goes. But, now, more often than not, I am seeking to lay these burdens down at the foot of the cross. 

I lay down, rest my heart and soak in the height of love, then I see everything – differently. My low, available and open position allows me to see the reaches of something far greater than my hurts of the past – it lets me see the power of my Savior. Here, his power starts transforming and reforming and his light makes things right – failings drop out of sight. Here, I dwell under the power of his healing not feelings.

I see him accept death on the cross. I can see his acceptance of me.
I see true love in his suffering. I see his true love for me.
I see him high and lifted. I see that he can do all things.

To see Jesus is to no longer see disappointment,
but to solely see God’s divine appointment to use disappointment
as an appointment to humble myself to his will.

 

The irony of laying it down is that my purpose, my passion, my goals, my hopes and my dreams are actually unveiled as I lay down my ways to his. We expect it to go one way, yet he actually works another.

Everything belongs to him, so doesn’t it make sense?

The more we submit, the more we actually see his direction.

He knows what he wants to do with us. We belong to him. We were bought with a price. We are no longer owned by failings, but by the one who is always prevailing, overcoming and loving. He bought our failings and is shaping them more and more into something of worth.

Here, he confirms our deepest identity.
Here, he validates our worth.
Here, he says, “It doesn’t matter if you feel powerless and unsure, because I am most powerful and entirely sure.”

Amen, Father, we will go! We will walk through, and by, and for – your power at work. We come in weakness, but leave with your power.

I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. (1 Cor. 2:3)

That power (the power of Christ within) is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, (Eph. 1:19-20)

By the power of Christ at work in us, we can drop pre-conceived notions of who we should be.

By the power of Christ, we can let go of people’s opinions of what we should believe.

By the power of Christ, we can let go of the fear of disappointment.

What area do you feel disappointed? Less than? Unsure? Wavering? Reliant on others? Lost?

God calls you to lay down, open your arms, receive his love, see his goodness, taste his redemption, breathe in his glory and hear his affirmations. He has you.

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purposefulfaith

Kelly, a fun-loving, active and spunky mom of two rambunctious toddlers, spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers and pursuing the Lord with all her heart. Called a “Cheerleader of Faith”, Kelly’s greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully and unencumbered for the Lord.

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66 CommentsLeave a comment

  • God has us and we are HIs! I am so thankful for this today and everyday. I just wrote about surrender today and find that God keeps asking me over and over to give it all to Him and many times I am holding on tight because I think I know better. It’s a power struggle that just needs to end. I need to let go of my focus on food rather than on Him and as I work on this, I learn that it’s almost a security for me to hold on to this rather than let go.

    I appreciate you, your honesty and for opening up your beautiful home for us to share with each other. Have a blessed day!

    • Me too! Let us surrender all to his amazing will and ways. I am praying over your focus on food right now as you more and more trust him. May he comfort you through his all-consuming love, Mary.

  • Understanding that we are enough with God is such an ongoing struggle for us, as women. We try so hard to be enough for everyone else. Been there, done that! Thankful to be free from those thoughts that can keep me entangled. We are enough in Him:) Hallelujiah!

  • I love the idea of seeing God’s divine appointment in our disappointments! Beautiful. Disappointment in ourselves is the worst kind, and his appointment there is for us to see his all-encompasing love and the power of his death and resurrection. He is our righteousness!

    • Thank you Betsy. That is right; he is working out his plan right through our disappointments. I praise him for that. I just can’t believe how good he is. Much love to you sister, I pray you see his hand in all your disappointments.

  • Kelly, this post spoke great LIFE within my heart this morning!
    “Here, he confirms our deepest identity.
    Here, he validates our worth.
    Here, he says, “It doesn’t matter if you feel powerless and unsure, because I am most powerful and entirely sure.” <—- I absolutely love this! Thank you so much for sharing this, dear friend! You have blessed me greatly! Love you! Infinite blessings to you, Lovely! 🙂

    #RaRaLinkup 😉

  • Kelly, such encouraging words my heart needs to hear God ~ I get disappointed a lot in myself as a wife and mom. I love that He calls us to “lay down, open our arms, receive his love, see his goodness, taste his redemption, breathe in his glory and hear his affirmations to me.” WOW that is powerful!

    • I am so glad that it spoke to you Kim. It is so easy to feel like a disappointment. We feel we have to hold up such a high standard sometimes. It is nice to say, “Who cares if I fail!” It is freeing! Let’s try it. ha!

  • Beautiful words today, Kelly! I felt the same way most of my life – never good enough. Shamed, defeated, undone, to be honest. And then – I began to see myself as God sees me, I began to feel about me the way God feels about me. Freedom. I love when you describe, “Here, he says, ‘It doesn’t matter if you feel powerless and unsure, because I am most powerful and entirely sure.’” It takes the burden from us, and rests it solely on God, who is powerful, strong, and sure!
    Blessings this week, Kelly!

  • Love this dear friend. You and I seem to have a lot in common! 😉 I have struggled with this same issue for years. And you are so right it’s only we lay down our passion, purpose, dreams, goals to Him and we realize He is enough is when he unveils all of it. Love you!

    • We have to get deeper into this sometime Holly. I would love to hear more about your story. It is hard living this way. I am so glad that God is delivering us from our burdens into his warm arms. Love you! I am here for you any time you need anything.

  • Kelly, there is such encouragement to be found in this post. I thought of the many times I was disappointed only to come to discover God had something better for me. So good to be here this morning!

    • Me too! I get you Joanne. So many times, I thought what I wanted was right only to see that I missed what he wanted. Unfortunately, I had to hit a wall of frustration until I saw it. Let’s trust him to begin with. Thank you so much for your comment!

  • His cross was enough and He is enough, so we are enough. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just believe that? haha. RaRa! I understand that struggle. I think most women do. It is when we focus on ourselves that lie perpetuates. Getting the focus off ourselves makes it easier to swallow. Thanks for sharing, Kelly! We are all enough!

  • “We are no longer owned by failings, but by the one who is always prevailing, overcoming and loving.”
    I really love this. I feel like I fail SO MUCH. But that is NOT who I am. I was just reading this morning about how God sees ME. It is so important to see that.
    Thanks, Kelly!

    • I am with you Dana! I raise my hand at failing way too much! But, God doesn’t see me – or you this way. All praise to Him. We are so much better! I cheer our great Daddy with you.

  • Confirming our deepest and truest identity… that’s all kinds of wonderful, Kelly. He doesn’t just take us under His wing, we’re given a new name, we’re given a new title, and we’re given a new future!!! Talk about finding identity in Him alone! Your words make me want to dance around… good thing the house is empty 😉
    Thanks for pouring your heart into your words once again!!! Love and blessings for you… <3

  • What truth in these words, Kelly, “The more we submit, the more we actually see his direction.” It goes against our human nature, but then again so does most of God’s best for us. : )

  • Sweet Kelly,

    I could not believe how closely connected your post was to the one I added to the #RaRaLinkup! I wrote about being a disappointment to my father, and never living up to the expectations that were set for me. What a burden! How freeing to know that “He bought our failings and is shaping them more and more into something of worth.” Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing from your heart. It is real life stories of transformation that shine the light of Christ into a world desperate for hope.

    Blessings friend,
    Kamea

  • Kelly, these words you’ve shared are such an encouragement. I need to remind myself of these ideas every day. Christ is in me, and so it is his righteousness that I am clothed with. There is no way that I can be a disappointment- not because of who I am, but because if who is in me. It’s not an easy concept to grasp. You’ve explained it beautifully.

  • These were encouraging words for me to wake up to and snuggle by the fire with my coffee. What a wonderful feeling that even though we disappoint, He still loves us. And when we let go of the guilt from that disappointment we have been and follow His will, He takes us to beautiful places if we will obey.

  • Such a strengthening encouragement here, Kelly. Thank you. Yes, greater than all our hurts is the power of our Savior, that same power that raised Him from the dead. 🙂

  • Kelly,
    This is deep! But needful…
    Without the cross there is no glory. I hide myself in Him who bought me at a high price. *He* is my value and worth. And His redemption of me makes my worthlessness exalt Him HIGH ABOVE EVERY NAME!!! Amen Kelly!
    We are looking for love (and acceptance) in all the wrong places aren’t we? This:
    “He bought our failings and is shaping them more and more into something of worth.”
    When we cross the divide of failure into full-assurance in Christ, He gives our story purpose. And He makes us beautiful by His love and grace! {{HUGS}} gurl! Proud to be in the trenches with you! 🙂

  • Kelly,
    You nailed it…it is only as we look at Jesus on the Cross can we regain our perspective on His great love for us. This: “Here, I dwell under the power of his healing not feelings.

    I see him accept death on the cross. I can see his acceptance of me.” Powerful truth…Thanks 🙂

  • Kelly, this is such a good word. Years ago, during a very dark season, I came across a great book by Kay Arthur called As Silver Refined that echoes much of what you shared here. Viewing my disappointment as “God’s appointment” truly transformed my thinking. He redeems all.

    • Lyli, this really sounds like a fabulous book. It sounds like a book that reaches the deepest places of inadequacy. I am so glad that God worked through that book for you Lyli. I praise God for that.

  • Hi Kelly, I just found your blog and so glad I did. What a beautiful message here in your post today. I’m now following and linking up! : )

    • Wonderful Cathy! I am delighted that you are going to be a part of our linkup. It will be a joy to have you. Are you on Twitter at all? We do a twitter party using the # #RaRalinkup. We encourage fellow bloggers in Christ. I will introduce you to everyone if you tell me what your name is. Welcome aboard! We are so happy you are here.

  • Simply beautiful, this post speaks to me, on so many different levels of my life. I not only relate to it, but from it, I can draw hope! If you only knew my entire story – wayyy too much for a comment box. One day it will unfold in a book, or maybe at a women’s conference or even in the living room of a few close friends or maybe even all of the above. But for right now it’s been written day-by-day and I’m gaining strength and momentum in this RaRa community that will help fuel me to fully unveil to the world and I’ll continue to allow He who began this good work in me to complete it, so that my story can bring Glory to His name and liberate my sisters to be free and to walk and live on purpose. Thank you lovely lady, God bless & use you beyond measure! I so appreciate your ministry, you have an awesome gift! #RaRaLinkup

    Sybil

    • Sybil, wow! Now you are making me really want to know your story. It sounds like God has worked some amazing things through your life. I am praying strength over you right now. Thank you for your encouraging words to me.

  • This quote spoke exactly to where I am in my present-day life: The irony of laying it down is that my purpose, my passion, my goals, my hopes and my dreams are actually unveiled as I lay down my ways to his. We expect it to go one way, yet he actually works another.

    Isn’t it amazing how the Great Designer of our lives can intricately direct our steps, producing amazing results in and through our life – even as we fret about wondering how to make it all come together?

    Blessings!

    Letetia

  • “The irony of laying it down is that my purpose, my passion, my goals, my hopes and my dreams are actually unveiled as I lay down my ways to his. We expect it to go one way, yet he actually works another.”

    Amen to that, Kelly. He has a way like no other way. Those are the testimonies that dance to life and bring hope to others, ourselves as well. Yours is coming through beautifully. Enjoyed the post today. #WriteOn #JesusGirl! 🙂

  • Kelly, that was such an awesome word! You are very easy to listen to, Clear and encouraging. Thank you for always sharing such great pearls!!

  • Wonderful post, Kelly! Everything IS His…all I am, all I have, all I do…is the Lord’s. If feelings of disappointment invade my heart, it’s more that I’m disappointing my Beloved Lord. Thank you for this great post. You’re a great cheerleader! Bless you! xoxox

  • Love this! God has been showing me recently the need to submit completely. In our flesh there is no good thing, but praise God, we have the mind of Christ! Thanks for hosting & God bless!

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