I recently read a famous author’s article and thought, “I could write a better story than this.” It’s embarrassing to admit. My words were spoken through a heart of jealousy.
Comparison, like a teeter-totter, lifted me higher than she was – for a moment. I felt good. I felt high. I felt powerful. And then, as fast as I went up, I came crashing down.
As I began my descent, a little voice asked, “If you are so good, why aren’t you like her? How come you aren’t doing what she is doing? Why bother Kelly? You don’t measure up. Quit.” Slam.
The impact of comparing can be shocking. It often leaves us discouraged as we fall to the ground, feeling disappointed in who we are. Up and down the teeter-totter goes – feel good, feel bad, feel high, feel low. What goes up must come down.
So, how do we gain lasting steady confidence? How do we beat the up-and-down rhythm of comparing? How do we deal with ourselves when we feel less than? It is time you found out how to stop comparing.
HOW TO STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS – 3 TIPS:
1. Anticipate the Lure of Comparing & Preemptively Fight
Thoughts of comparison are like a fly, they often land on us before we realize – and are gone before we can take action. What are we to do? We need to fight the lure in advance – before it even lands. We do this by examining our areas of vulnerability.
Where do I feel less than?
Where do I feel prideful?
What do I feel I am lacking?
How have I failed?
What areas of my life do I normally fall prey to “comparing”?
What are are my greatest dreams? Hopes?
How can I pray for those who are doing better than me?
How can I encourage those who are doing better and less than me?
What can I be thankful for?
“Let us examine our ways and test them,
and let us return to the LORD.” (Lamentations 3:40 NIV).
We are wise to open the door to our vulnerabilities and to welcome thankfulness in our lives. When equipped this way, we can more easily shut (and lock) the door to the temptation of comparing.
2. Bless & Decompress.
One of the greatest things we can do to combat comparing is to pray.
When we pray, we find a better way. When we:
Pray for our weaknesses, we find strength.
For our failures, we find hope.
For our dreams, we find new doors.
For our pride, we find authenticity.
For those in need, we find love.
For those more successful, we find a softened heart.
For those less than, we find charity.
For eyes to see like Christ, we find faith, hope and love.
We pray and God answers us with eternal rewards – lasting, meaningful and transformational rewards. Prayer changes us. Rather than looking for how much value we get, we start to see how much value we can give.
Instead of seeing our size compared to man, God shows us our size compared to Him.
He can – and will – bless many.
He is not an either/or kind of God. So, we can stop comparing, pray big and dream big for others!
If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:11 NIV)
We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. (1 John 4:19-21)
3. See Yourself as God Sees You.
“Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Sam. 16:7
To think that we will ever be without weakness, without hardships, without areas that need improvement, is not reality. God created each of us with both strengths and weaknesses. And, although the world tells us that we need to shape up or ship out, God just wants us to rely on Him in the midst of pain. He wants us to look at ourselves created in his image.
We are wise to embrace who we are in Christ (click to learn more),
to believe his truths and let them sink into the depths of our souls.
He created you uniquely and he loves you uniquely. He wants you to rely on Him. To trust Him. To draw near to Him.
He knows what he is doing. Posture your heart towards him and trust him to manage the rest. You are a work in progress – and he won’t finish until his masterpiece is finished.
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on
to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:6)
***BONUS TIP: Embrace Grace
No one is perfect – not one. Jesus didn’t die for us to be perfect; he died to extend us grace. We are growing more and more into the likeness of Christ, but it is a process. God has you covered – with the blood of Christ. Rest your deficiencies in the arms of Christ. He desires to hold your pain and work them to accomplish his goal in the most exciting exhilarating ways.
Now that you know how to stop comparing, trust him and let go of the up and down ride of comparing that only serves to leave you wind blown and frustrated.