As I entered the restaurant, what seemed to be a million people scuffled around trying to find a table. Was there a table for me?
I spotted a row of empty tables lined up a corner. Great. There still is a place. People must have transitioned from these tables, after breakfast. So, I pulled what seemed like a 50-lb table away from the rest.
The restaurant was filling and filling, fast. I felt so grateful to have a place to sit. Adjusting my stuff, I heard someone call out loudly in the restaurant, “Excuse me.” I didn’t lookup. They couldn’t be talking to me.
Then, I heard it again. “Excuse me, mam!” I looked up, everyone staring at me.
“That table is reserved. You cannot sit there.” He screamed from a counter 20-feet away.
You are not good enough for that table.
Embarrassed, I stood. “Busted,” I hated that there wasn’t a “reserved” sign on the table. Caught, he just went back to his work. Wrong, I put my head down and walked away.
I was not good enough to sit at “that table”.
Kind of like the time I wasn’t good enough to sit at the special table with the special people because they were a little bit higher and more important than me. Or, when I wanted to be known and the ‘known-figure’ had no idea who in the world I was. Or, when I desired to be acknowledged for what I gave and people walked right past me to the next girl, the more popular one.
There is no place for you, Kelly, at the table.
“The table is not reserved for you – and it never will be. Scram!”
I went in the bathroom and cried.
I cried out to God, “Father, why is this hurting me so much? Why am I being triggered by a stupid table?”
“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” Ps. 23:5 ESV
It’s as if God said, “Kelly, it is not the reserved tables, where you want to be, but the table with me – where you will become free.”
I went outside and sat in my car. There, I ate some nuts from my purse and let Jesus love me whole again. It wasn’t a seat in that restaurant that was most favored or blessed. It was that seat in my car. God met me there. He encouraged my heart.
God’s seat is our best seat. Where He speaks and loves us is the place of wild wholeness.
Prayer: God, I want to be where you are. Help me to stop looking at other people’s place-settings. What you give me is good. It is good for my soul, my walk and my wholeness. Thank you for leading me in your love. Thank you for setting me aside and marking my holy. Thank you that my hurts, healed, are now being used for your glory. In Jesus’ name. Amen.