Tag - rejection

When you Feel Rejected

September 16, 2016

We loved each other, I thought. Dashing up to him, I placed a decorated plate of deviled eggs before him, my favorite. I hoped he loved them, because coming off a fresh loss, my heart was hurting and looking for care. I completely botched up the championship basketball game by dropping and kicking the ball out of bounds on the court. Not once, but twice. Whoops. All I wanted sympathy, compassion. My heart hurt – but, little did I know, it was about to hurt even more.

He looked up at me and shoved the eggs away. His eyes said it all, he no longer wanted to know me. I wasn’t good enough. He got up and grabbed something behind the door. It was a woman. Ushering her in by her hand, he carefully sat her down in my chair and gave me the look, “I am done with you. It’s time to go.”

Aimlessly roaming the streets, I found myself homeless. I had only my comforter, a blanket that was a prize from the basketball game. Not knowing where to go, I held it close – it had my teammates signatures on it. I walked on and on.

When someone deserts us, we walk in a desert.

With a million piles of past rejection on us.

I woke. Thank you, God, this was only a dream. But, was it? Perhaps, it is reality.

Have you ever noticed, the rejection today carries the weight of yesterday? What pours is the same waterfall of emotions.

Just yesterday, I walked outside a military base. I grabbed coffee first. Intending to go in, I stared down at my shirt. Dang it! I’d gone splashed coffee all over myself.

I can’t go in there.
Not around those people in starched up uniforms.
Ones dressed to military perfection.
They’ll stare.
They’ll laugh at my stains.

They’ll see straight into me. They’ll be confronted with my faults. My botch-ups. It is too much, way too much.

Afraid of being a walking eye sore, I stop mid-step – I remembered something…

Whether I’m walking stained or with fresh rejection pain,
just like in my dream, I always walk with the inscribed Comforter.

Do I even give it credence? Do I allow it to serve its purpose?

But the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you remember everything that I have told you. (Jo. 14:26 AMP)

Do you cover yourself with the warmth, protection and safety of the Comforter when you feel uncomfortable? When you feel undone in shame?

You can, because He is with you. We don’t roam this barren earth without support, without care.

As Christians, we can press up against the Comforter who:
1. Leads us in the way we should go. (John 16:13)
2. Brings freedom. (2 Cor. 3:17)
3. Dispenses love and joy. (1 Thess. 1:6)
3. Speaks the mind of Christ to us. (1 Cor. 2:16)
4. Points our heart back to Jesus. (John 16:14-15)

When we draw near the Comforter,
we draw real and tangible strength from the Savior.

Jesus, He chose me, stains and all.
Jesus, He covers me with his love.
Jesus, He did not abandon me. And never will.
Jesus, He will make me white, no matter how coffee-splattered my shirt is.
Jesus, He will reflect light onto me as I turn my darkness into it.

I walked right onto that military base.

I walk, stained, amongst the perfection of starched uniforms, precision strides and measured haircuts. I walked, me – a stained, plain girl. But what I also walk with – is comfort.

It reminds me, I need not be perfect. I need not be flawless. I need just walk with my Comforter, the one who inscribes the name of Christ on me. Then, suddenly, it is not about me – or giant coffee stains – any longer. I find hope.

“For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.” (Gal. 6:8)

If I could, I would sow that Comforter right on me. But, you know what? I don’t have to, he’s sowed in me.

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25 Ways: To Let Jesus Reign

Overcome Like Jesus: 7 Ways He Proves You Can

5 Ways: Calm the Inner-Rumbles of Rejection

August 5, 2016

purposefulfaith

Contentment, expectations, failure, fear

I am joining Lysa TerKeurst’s Uninvited Book Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers.

Her belly stuck out like a balloon, her shoulders slumped and she wore a skirt like a table cloth. Face as cute as a button, no doubt, this girl was ready to pop.

I remembered those days. Sweaty, in the summer heat. Eager, to be done with it. Waddling, in discomfort. I remembered the odd feelings, the circles in front of the mirror, the clothes wedged up in the small parts of my body. The discomfort.

Striding into the coffee store, I determined to – make her day!

“You look beautiful. Just beautiful,” I declared with oomph, power and confidence.

I waited. She stared.
I hoped. She looked confused.
I felt awkward. She shifted her eyes away.

I put my head down and flew that coffee store door wide-open.

She hates me!
I made a fool out of myself!
She thinks I pity her!
She thinks I am one of those weird “I-want-to rub-your-belly-types.”

Why do I try to be kind?
Why do I always mess up?
Why can’t I do things right?

In that moment, I signed an internal declaration stating I would no longer do dumb things. I put my initials on the blank line, agreeing, “I will not risk, when the greatest one at risk of getting hurt – is always me!” The deal was done. I was over feeling like the loser, who couldn’t succeed at making others feel like winners.

Oh no! Here she comes. Just 4-feet away. I fumbled around in my purse, trying to find safe refuge (a.k.a. my phone). Heart beating faster and faster, I swiped, clicked and typed. I did anything to remain unseen, until…

…her friend arrived and they mumbled in some foreign language I could not understand.

I stared.
I looked confused.
I shifted my eyes away.

What I declared as rejection, was never her intention.

She likely couldn’t understand my words. She likely felt insecure. She likely felt alone and afraid in a foreign country, where everything in her world was changing before her very eyes.

For every backslap, there is usually a backstory.

What if I considered what others see,
rather than letting responses be declarations of me?

In Lysa Terkeurst’s latest book, Uninvited, she says, “Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me.”

Well, Lysa, you get me thinking, really thinking. Rejection not only steals, he plunders my greatest opportunities to love others. He makes me hate myself sometimes. When I hate me, I tend to only think about – me.

Yet, what I am realizing is the inner-mumblings of rejection, well – they almost always lie. Man doesn’t define who I am – Jesus does. Let him define you too.

5 Things to Remember when Rejection Stings:

You are chosen by God to do great things.
You are royal. Daughter’s of God are always taken care of.
You are holy. God sees your heart, knows your desires and delights in you.
You are God’s special possession and treasures you.
You are called to the light and being led to greater places.

Essentially, remember this verse: You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. (1 Pet. 2:9)

With God’s ownership over me, I am no longer the byproduct of whom others declare me to be – now, I am an escapee. In God’s truth, I am set free.

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Even when you’re overlooked by others, you are handpicked by God. In her new book, Uninvited, New York Times bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst will help you live like you really believe that truth! Order your copy.

If you liked this post, you may like:

When You are Rejected, Rejected and Rejected Again

The Promise Inside the Sting of Rejection

Being Dissed. The (real) bad – and good of it.

January 15, 2016

purposefulfaith

attack, awe, Contentment, faith, fear

9 Comments

She looked at the girl sitting next to me, and said, “Hey it is so great to see you” and continued on not even giving me the time of day.

Who does that?

Who completely ignores someone when they completely know someone?

Boiling hot, I was about ready to make a primed kettle sound. Wwwhhh….
Someone was going to get burned, and I had a feeling it was going to be me.

In an instant, my mind returned to a time of old,
me, the new girl, trying out for the team,
her, a potential friend that I really enjoyed being with,
all was good, until…
[walk in villian],
her age-old best friend walked in… (dun. dun. dun.)
and whispered to my potential laughing-mate, “Don’t be friends with her.”

Things went cold, I went hot. Wwhhh!!!

Discouraged. Dejected. Demotivated. I lost my athletic swagger.
I was rejected from the team.

I felt rejected by everyone. Wwhhh!!!

Clearly, it was apparent that there was something deeper going on here.

I couldn’t help but think:

Boiling over happens because of past pain that lays under.
Yesterday returns to sear us with the markings of – unwanted today.
The devil is a avid scorcher, using his red trident of age-old shame – time and time again.

He hits us with it – and we almost can’t help it. We jump out of our seat, jump on the person and rip the person apart from the insides out. We say, you won’t mess with me or rule over me or hurt me ever again. Our eyes close, our fists move and our whole will is determined not to live on repeat. Except, when we open our eyes, the person we look at is not the girl on the field, but the thirty year old with two kids and a whole heaping lot of problems just like us.

Hmm…

I want to cut off this record on repeat that won’t stop playing,
“I think I am dumb. I think that is why. People don’t love me. They will always pass by.”

This kind of song makes you live in limbo. It makes you live believing people have one foot in and one foot out. It makes you live expecting the next diss. It makes you live wondering when you will feel hurt again. It makes you wonder if God will be out the door on you too.

Wwhhh!!! It starts to rise in you. You feel like hitting again. Except when you open your eyes you realize who you would be hitting, and you remember – he was already hit.

Then they spit in his face and struck him with their fists. Mt. 26:67

You want to get angry, but as you start to soften your face, you remember:
‘The stone which the builders rejected, this became the chief cornerstone… Mk. 12:10

The stone that keeps the unsteady fabric of beings from falling over.
The stone that was never thrown.
The stone that binds eternal life.
The stone that knows the depth of rejection.
The stone that rose up to build a church that unites hands around the world today.
The stone with a clear purpose, despite the mocks, slanders and accusations of others.
The stone that was raised on high.
The stone that the Father adored.
The stone that seals us as always accepted.
The stone that pursues us and loves us and owns us always and forever and then forevermore.

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Dreaming of Being Used By God

July 24, 2015

purposefulfaith

blessings, Comparing, Contentment, expectations, failure, faith

4 Comments

Here I am Lord.
Will you use me?

I am trying Lord.
Will you help me?

I am hoping Lord.
Will you come through for me?

I am dreaming Lord.
Will you send me?

It is easy to look at our dreams and think they are the answer to our joy.
It is easy to look at another and think they have all we dreamed of – and more.
It is easy to face our rejections and to let them destroy us.

In many ways, we have set up our structures of hope and we have decided how they should be built. We know who needs to be involved, how we will put them together, what will make up the parts to success, but do we miss out in this process of self-promoting and self-reliance?

Does God have more hidden behind that structure
we have erected in our mind that we can’t see?

Might it be waiting, unseen,
because our mind is sprinting in another direction?

I know, for me, I miss out when:

I start becoming so focused on my blue prints that
I miss the blessing God has sheltered in the “now”.
I see that girl and decide my structure looks like a shack in a third world country.
Questions become probing inquiries to steal my goods.
A request becomes an opportunity for another to use me.
My accomplishments become the savior of my insecurities.

This is exactly why God speaks this verse: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Phil. 2:3-4

God is so smart; sometimes he has to protect me from me.

God seems to know that the greatest gift is not found in me, but it is found in the outpouring of love found in him.

It’s almost like God says,
“Hey, you’re blocking the view of what I really have for you –
the needy hearts in front of you.”

“You will miss them with your eyes focused on your own plans,
your own ways and your own dreams.
If it is my dream, I will make it for you.
You need not stress, but until then, don’t run after ambition,
run after a heart to love.
I fill in all the gaps.”

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Mt. 6:33

I am going to listen to the truth of these words. Will you?

There are so many around. So many who need us.

They hurt and wait for someone to see that tear in their eye.
They hurt and hope for an arm to go around their shoulder.
They hurt and dream of a helping hand.
They hurt and they wait for our love.
They hurt and God wants us to meet them.

Much in the same way we hurt – they are hurting too.

What we will see is that, often, we end up needing them more than they ever needed us. God ends up using them to shape us and form us and make us into the vehicle that brings our dreams to life.

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