Have you ever gotten permanent marker on your hands? Maybe you did a project or just got a little wild on paper. Either way, when you get marker on you, it is a bear to get off. You can scrub, and scrub and scrub and sometimes – it can take days and days to get off. It sticks.
Press hard. It still sticks.
Add more soap. Even more it sticks.
The same is for Jesus’ blood. It sticks. Jesus’ blood is not washed off by I-should-have-done-that moments. It not removed by an off thought. It is not erased in accordance with our doubts.
Where have you felt that the full atoning sacrifice of Jesus is not enough? Maybe you feel like you’re a bad wife? Your past marks you a bad child in the mind of God? Your failings disqualify you from God’s goodness? Your shame will never go away?
I make repeated mistakes. I think this is what most aggravates me. I go back to the well of I-am-sorry 100% in a week. Then, I start to think, “God, if I’m always having to say, ‘I am sorry’, what good am I?’” I start to think, “Daughters of a good daddy don’t shun him away.” I follow the lie that says, “I will never improve.”
Jesus’ blood seemingly washes off of me – in my mind, but in truth, Jesus blood will always cover my heart – through my life.
Do you believe you are covered by God? Jesus’ blood shed for you is as permanent as the blood that is in you. If you are his, he is yours.
If you are in Christ, his protective armor of grace – his blood shed on the cross – is always over you. It is like a force field that cannot be broken. It is a rainbow that always reminds you of his faithfulness. It is an umbrella that protects you from your worst errors.
What miracle Jesus did on the cross, cannot be broken by the mess we do in a day.
And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. Heb. 10:10
In this, as I reflect on my story, the story that plays in my mind at night – the one that plays on repeat…me, not being so nice, so instructive and so godly with my kids, I am struck by this: Jesus Christ’s blood, his forgiveness of my sin, sets me off on a fresh course of freedom the next morning.
Will you let Jesus sacrifice sit permanently, like a mark of his great love for you, on your heart, mistakes, and inadequacies?
1. Why did you decide to tackle the subject of fear for your book?
Frankly, I got sick and tired of living more fearful than faithful. It takes work. Hard work. It takes a whole lot of jealousy, comparing, striving, and procrastinating – to cover the deep fear I’m the bad apple in God’s bunch. And, it takes a whole lot of protecting, worrying, and controlling – to keep my mind thinking I am safe and sound.
I didn’t embrace the state of peace, but instead, a state of constant panic.
Under the cover of my smile, I couldn’t figure out why, either:
I’d done Christmas x 20. I’d gone to church and memorized John 3:16 and Phil. 4:6-7. I was up on Christianese terminolgy – and good theology. I was in a church community group. I was repenting and trying not to sin.
So, why did I feel like a holy roller at church, yet wholly loser at home? Why did I fear my house was about to explode and, my kids, upon arrival of dinner, would have ketchup rocket-launchers exploding on just-cleaned windows? Why could I see my heart being thrust into cardiac arrest if people didn’t abide by my commands? Why did I envision ailments, Google them and figure I’d die before even being able to Facebook the world?
If God is as powerful as he says he is; I needed a rescue – in a big way. They say don’t put God to the test, but I guess I did. I wanted to see if he loved me. I found out he did. That’s what saved me. And that’s the hope I offer to readers in Fear-Fighting.
2. What is something that you are afraid of? How has God helped you face that particular fear?
Ordinarily, I’d be desperately afraid you’d:
1. Hate this post.
2. Judge me for writing it.
3. Think I was a bad writer, mother, woman or child of God.
I’d imagine you silently writing my name down on a list that you carry around in your head – the one that you reserve for the people who are extraordinarily stupid or exceedingly faithless. I’d fear you, then I’d steer clear of you.
Truth is, you may continually judge me, but God doesn’t operate that way. You may hate me, but I have discovered that I am loved by God. You may disagree with me, but there is no changing the promises of God. I’ve learned to fight fear by wielding truth.
Head over to katiemreid.com for the rest of this interview and to add your post of encouragement to the #RaRaLinkup. (Starting at 6 AM ET)
Today is a day I like to call “Choose Your Own Adventure.” Why? Because with the release of my book, Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage to Overcome Your Fears, I’ve written a bunch of different guest posts around the web. Now, you get to pick your own adventure.
Meanie: Dropped the ball and never answered me when I emailed her. Selfish & silent: Promised me something and then didn’t follow through. High-priced: Charged me an arm and a leg, ran away and left me standing with a huge bill. Go-Getter: Hurt me. Liar: Rejected me with a bold-faced lie I can’t seem to get past. Forgetter: Didn’t invest in my heart; she dissed it. Abandoner: Walked away not following through on a promise. Hater: Ignored me and grabbed hands with the popular folk. Condemner: Tore my good intentions apart.
The story is titled: They’ll all reject you.
The cast is nefarious.
The plot goes like this: I’m a speck of dust. Everyone knows I am forgettable, invaluable and pretty much unseen within the grand story called their life, their plans and their needs. I’m disposable.
Bah-humbug!
The enemies appear to be everyone. That’s a problem. That’s a big problem. I recognize it.
Because, in reality, the enemy isn’t these enemies, the enemy is the enemy. He’s thriving when he contriving. He’s jumping for joy, when he’s ruined ours. He’s grinding up love into tiny grounds that spread hate. The longer he let’s them brew the more bitter it tastes. When we drink, and we get poisoned, not with eyes to see God, but with eyes of anger and vile.
What has been brewing in your heart – is it peace and God’s presence or is a list of people who’ve hurt you?
My flesh wants to teach these people a lesson. My Spirit knows people are hurting, just like me. My Spirit knows, you can’t read the motives on one’s heart. My Spirit knows, people need love, not condemnation.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Gal. 5:22
If I am in the Spirit, I shine Spirit. But, how do I move back to peace-calming Spirit rather than anger-brewing flesh?
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
5 Ways to Be Led By the Holy Spirit, Not Your Flesh
Ask God to fill you with all joy and peace.
Ask God to help you trust him more.
Move into a place of continual worship, praise and thanksgiving.
Dwell only on what is good, true and excellent.
Be open to how God is teaching or leading you in a given moment.
As I practice my heart through the continual cycle of this list, I find my heart is no longer being wrung through the ringer. It softens. It sees others pain. It knows, God has a plan, even in my pain.
The Spirit confirms, I am His child and the love he surrounds me with, is more than enough to fill every hole of damage.
If someone told me I’d write a book on fear, I’d have laughed in their face and told them, “There’s as much a chance of that as an ant marching in world peace.”
Not. Going. To. Happen.
But, here I am – I wrote a book – on fear, nonetheless.
Only with God. Only with God, can what you declared too scary, too high and too wild for you – become possible. Only with God, do the weak become warriors. Only with God, do those who feel like outcasts get cast out to bring others close to his love.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (2 Cor. 1:3-4)
God is a wild ride.
The blessing is – he takes you peacefully, not with your hair flying back all wide and your heart plummeting to the ground. It feels, usually, more fluid.
But, this story isn’t about me. Not one bit. It’s not even about how I was a horrible, no good, hated writer. It’s not about how bosses, teachers, and my inner critic laughed in my writing-face! Nope. It’s not about my inability to ever follow through on anything. Nor my tendency to blame away any opportunity as “not good enough”, because I was desperately and hopelessly fearful it was exactly what God meant for me.
It’s not about all that – because it’s about you.
Because, when I think of YOU, every time, my heart pumps a little more. Suddenly, I accept you’re, in many ways, the same as me. Some of you are afraid of lice and little bugs and what a disorganized house says about you. Or, you’re terrified your kid is going to leave Jesus to become consumed with the next pop star showing pearly whites and tanned biceps. Or, you’re not sure you’ll ever amount to anything and you fear failure – so you pretend you are disinterested in your greatest dreams, God’s leadings and massive opportunities. Maybe, you freeze. You run. You hide. You do it all because you’re desperately afraid people won’t like you. And, you’re 100% confident of one thing – you’ll never stack up to her – the All-star with the perfect car. Nope. You’ll never…ever look like her – in all her Facebook glory! Every day you hate her a little bit for that.
Because we get each other. We know what it is like to worry, wrestle and war against anxiety day-in and day-out. And, with you, rather than against you, I believe, together, we can win. Like, if we strip it all off (not literally) and just get really honest, supportive and unified, we will have power as we move forward. We can raise our finger to Jesus and remind each other, “He won’t leave us!”
So, in actuality, my thoughts about you – are also largely about me (sorry). I need you.
And, most of all I need God.
Because, there is no way out of the dark, without Jesus. No woman ever has ever done it alone.
Sometimes, we all need a helping hand.
Accepting help is half the battle. I am sure of it.
With all this said, I hope my book, Fear Fighting feels like a helping hand to you. That’s my dream. That it would just as much bolster your courage, as it did mine. That God would just as much meet you, as he did me. That you’d just as much find his love, as I did – and am.
It’s not like life is perfect now. But it is pacified. The edge is gone.
It’s not like I have all the answers. But, I feel okay that I don’t. I am giving space to not knowing.
It’s not like the journey isn’t ongoing. But, I am rapidly growing. I see God teaching me new things all the time.
Instead of trembling, I am more and more, walking into God’s greatest callings.
I am shedding the weight of comparison and jealousy for the life-charging power of love and grace.
I am holding tight to daily bravery decrees instead of buckling at my knees at the first mention of the flu.
I’ve exchanged fretting for the feeling of being on fire for God. I want this for all my sisters in Christ Jesus. Heck, I want it for every woman. I want this book, like a movement of God, to reach into every heart and set them ablaze with passion and purpose (pray for that if you would).
Fear says it’s impossible. God says anything’s possible. God’s voice wins.
Will you join me? Beyond a shadow of any of my doubts, I need you.
Seriously, will you join the Fear Fighting movement? Will you spread the word? Will you light hearts on fire, starting with your own? Will you pass the book around? The message? The heart?
Do as God leads, that is what I did as I wrote this book. And, God never leads one wrong.
Let’s go, my sisters in Christ Jesus, I need God, so do you – let’s leave debilitating trembling behind so we can walk into God’s most astounding callings.
This time of year is full of angst. At least it is for me. It is mostly this feeling that I need to do something bigger, better and bolder than last year, but the problem is – I have this sinking feeling – I won’t.
Add this to the swirling questions:
What if something catastrophic happens in 2017?
My children get hurt?
I find out I have cancer?
My husband and I lose our great relationship?
What if I accomplish nothing of importance?
I let God down?
Terrorism hits close?
This list goes on and on and the fears grow bigger and bigger the more I recite them. Before I know it, the bump on my face will surely become cancer and heartburn is, no doubt, a heart murmur.
Me + Fear = An atomic combination
It blows up my life, because I walk around with the destructive air of anxiety. This bad air, then makes others glow with frustration at my bad attitude.
Fear clouds my view of God. While once I could see and admire him, front-and-center – my constant trepidation quickly makes me lose heartfelt dedication… Worry covers wonder, action plans cover the idea – God-has-the-best plan, and prayer gets lost under despair.
Breathe deep.
Sometimes this is the best first step, I think. Any separation from the trepidation falling on you, is always good. If you give God an inch, He can work with that.
And, as I do, as I step back from the angst of 2017 in full motion, 3 calming words and 3 consoling verses come to mind:
Know:“Be still, and know that I am God…” (Ps. 46:10)
Grow:But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Mt. 6:33)
Go:So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand (Is. 46:10)
These 3 words help me see, I’ve complicated things. I’ve worried about the future, yet, God is in the present. Have you missed God too?
Perhaps, we don’t need to know the future, but we simply need to know that God is God. Perhaps, we don’t have to fear growth, progress or accomplishments, but simply seek first his righteousness, knowing we’ll grow as he adds everything to us Perhaps, we don’t need to get paralyzed by what ifs and hypotheses, but simply Go! in God’s strength and protection.
We move as he moves and trust him; he is trustable.
This idea awakens my heart, because when we fear, it is hard to be in God’s plan. Yet, when we know God is near, we lose fear.
This 2017, these 3 words will be my Fear Fight. A rather unconventional fight – one where I remember Jesus has already fought the fight – and won. In this, I’ll stand in his victory. Will you?
Interested in joining the Fear Fight?Want to leave behind your tremblings to walk into unbelievable calling? Order my book,Fear Fighting, today!
“I should’ve had all my babies in the summer,” I said jokingly to my friend. Only it wasn’t a joke. We were full into the flu season and I was trying to keep both boys healthy as we awaited the birth of our child- a girl. Trying and failing.
All of us caught colds in the final weeks before her arrival. Panic seized me as I imagined bringing our newborn home to a germ-infested house.
The fight against illness and seasonal elements was hard enough, but there was another battle waging. Another reason a winter baby gave me a sense of dread.
I remembered the months of depression that followed the birth of my first child, who was born in the middle of summer. Baby girl would arrive a few weeks before the official start of winter. The dreariness of the season always brought a gloomy mood with it, and on top of it we were adding newborn baby isolation.
A few weeks after our bout with illness, we brought our new girl home and the overcast weather swept in like clockwork. We weren’t supposed to take her into crowded places for a month.
The first few days I was too tired to care, but one afternoon I felt like the walls were closing in around me. Everything bothered me. I questioned my abilities as a mom and a wife, and at night when our newborn wouldn’t sleep, the tears came.
Sometimes when we go through difficult seasons of life, the lessons we learn stay with us. But most of them need repeating.
We humans are forgetful people.
As I repeated the mistakes I made with my firstborn, God brought me to some timely words from a fellow sojourner. And I realized in my sleep-deprived state I was assuming this battle against depression was purely an emotional one.
I was negating the spiritual side all together.
We have an enemy who loves to use our seasons of physical and emotional weaknesses to whisper spiritual lies. We are so much more gullible when we’re tired. We’re more likely to accept his lies as truth when we our bodies are healing from surgery, illness and pain.
But you want to know the beautiful irony in all this? Those times when the thief creeps in are also the times when God can do his mightiest works.
His power works best when we’re at our weakest point. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
I tried to wrestle with God and walk in my own strength, but He just wanted me to let him carry me. Sure, I could take my vitamins, drink my coffee and catch cat naps here and there. All those things were needed.
But what I needed most was his grace. I needed it when I snapped at my husband and kids. Most of all, I needed it when I disappointed myself.
We can say his grace is sufficient for us, but change won’t come until we truly believe it. And it doesn’t just cover us enough for our shortcomings.
It drenches us.
The more I embraced this, the more the darkness shrank back and I saw the sun breaking behind the clouds.
The more I let him cover me, the more I saw that I didn’t have to pretend I had it all together. I could just be me, imperfections and all. And because of Jesus, that was enough.
Order Kelly Balarie’s new book, Fear Fighting today! Or, get all her blog posts by email. Get all Purposeful Faith blog posts by email –click here.
Abby McDonald is a writer who can’t contain the lavish love of a God who relentlessly pursues here, even during her darkest times. When she’s not chasing her two little boys around, she loves hiking, photography, and consuming copious amounts of coffee with friends.
Christmas is all about a God who sees need – and approaches it.
A God who sees us as we are. Who sees us in slumped state. Who sees our tears. Who sees our pains. Who sees our agony. Who sees our missteps. He sees our trials, troubles and temperaments. He sees our incapability to save our own selves.
Christmas is all about breakthrough.
Christmas is about a God who would go to any lengths for us.
It is about the God of all power, becoming a man of all power. He breaks the force field of our world to break the fortress of sin – around us – that keeps us from him.
Christmas is about humility.
It is about a God who is God. A God who is the great I AM. But, it is also about a God who says I AM great enough to humble myself. I AM willing to do whatever it takes to lead you to my heart. I AM with you.
Christmas is about promises.
It is about a baby who grows up to be a boy and then a man, who unveils the heart of God, who saves. He heals. He helps. He prays. He leads. He fulfills dreams. He sends us into love that casts out fear. He will not stop being faithful to us.
Christmas is about no fear.
It means that the promise born in a stable is a promise that is stable. It means that when Jesus was broken, so was condemnation. It means that when you think you can’t, the power of Jesus…yes, it can. It means that it doesn’t matter so much how you feel, but simply that Christ is faithful.
It means that you are free in Jesus and alive to the Holy Spirit. This is what Christmas is about. It means that what purpose and power -God has sown in you, is released by him who set you free. It means go! It means get out! It means let loosed and lost in Christ Jesus for 2017!
Greater is He who is in you, than he who is in the world. For even though the one in the world tries to tell you Jesus is long gone and Christmas is just another holiday, the life of Jesus is just what is needed for victorious living.
I know I don’t always live this way – victoriously. But, I am fighting to. This is why I wrote Fear Fighting. I wrote it as a prayer, as a dream and as a discovery. I wrote it to see if Jesus Christ could pull me close and teach me new courage. Guess what? He did. So powerfully, he did.
I’d love for you to join the Fear Fight with me. It will bless you beyond compare. Buy it for a small group (10+ books) and I’ll even join your group Facebook page to encourage, teach or to just bless you.
Parked in my car, I stared at my neighbor’s perfectly ornamented outdoor tree. I’d missed it; I missed the moment. It was there for the taking, but I drove right past it. I couldn’t see past my path – to God’s path.
Reflecting on the morning, I considered how it went. My son called out, “Mom…our neighbor liked it. She…” I screamed from the other side of the car, “Buckle up, we’ve got to get to school, son.” At the sound of his click, I was off…
And, like I said, I missed it. The moment. He wanted to celebrate my sweet neighbor’s tree. But, the fact is, in my haste, I didn’t even notice the tree. I hurried past the display of reds and greens, of joy and peace, of excitement. But, most of all, I rushed past the little wind-chimes my son had made her a few months before.
She could have removed them off her grand display. But, she didn’t.
He wanted to let me know that she cared enough to keep them there. He wanted me to know that he was worthy to be part of her Christmas. He wanted to let me know that his heart to love and to show kindness was being celebrated where Jesus is. He was a special part of her Christmas; he loved and felt love.
He wanted to show me the meaning of Christmas.
But, I rushed on.
I saw destination and nailed it, with precision.
I saw my time sans kids, and grabbed it with strength.
I buckled up, grabbed my sunglasses, and peeled out of that driveway like a mother descending on a 3-hour vacation.
I wish I would have stopped. I am sure my son wishes I stopped too.
How often does God wish we stop?
That we stop to see His ornaments of goodness and kindness? That we stop to soak in His still small voice? That we stop to receive His oh-so-gentle prompting to call a neighbor in need, to hug a child or to observe a tree that points to the tree that made up the cross?
But, upwards and onwards we go! We make money. We get coffee. We buy presents. We speed through that yellow light. We answer that cell phone call. All the while, we miss God.
If we want to be led by the Spirit, we have to make room for Spirit. If we are so filled with the angst of progress, we will miss Him in the process.
This has happened to me. My heart is aching, because I’ve left no room. I’ve only left room to keep my heart in comfortable control. Yet, if God decides I should be 5-minutes late to something – can’t I sacrifice? Jesus gave far more than 5 minutes, he gave up his very body; He let it break and tear for me.
There is no shame. There is no condemnation, today, friends. Not for you or for me. There is just a ticket, extended to us, that invites us to go somewhere new. Every time, no matter what kind of pain in the side it feels like, it drives us to the point of joy and to the horizon of new peace.
God’s tickets to slow down and see Him always bring you to the peace that – is Him.
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Ps. 16:11
Prayer:
Please God, don’t let me brush past your workings anymore. Please God, stop me in my tracks. Awaken my heart to what you are doing in the moment. Give me eyes to see brilliance and the brilliance within others as I welcome them into my heart in a present moment. Help me rest, with you. Help me go, with you. Help me be, with you. Amen
I keep going back to what happened – what was said, how it was said and why the person is wrong.
A label was tossed my way; I was called a name. But, it’s more than just that. The bullets run deep – and are hard to pull out.
Sometimes what’s said or done, is not easily removed.
People yakked and hacked an image.
They understood things wrong.
They dissed, offended or disregarded you.
They were insensitive.
Like, I said, with people, what’s said or done, sometimes, is not easily removed. It sinks deep.
So, anyway, here I come, prancing on up to Christmas – a time of joy, a time of Jesus, with a hundred and one holes through my heart – and increasing pain lodged between me and a manger.
I am not sure what to do.
Because, this I know, if I want to meet holy, I can’t walk around hostile. In order to be super-close with Jesus, I can’t be loaded-up with sin. This idea is Christianity 101, but it takes a masters degree to apply.
Waving goodbye to your right to be angry, is like letting go of a bad habit – you love. Everything in you knows you’ll be better off without it, but not walking up to that wine bottle and taking a glass, or three, after a hard day, is hard. Like unforgiveness, it beckons you to hold on.
In some ways, your noble actions have warranted it, you figure. You’ve earned it. Other people have entitled you to carry around that glass, even if it makes you cranky, tired or on edge. Even if it hurts.
Yet, here’s the quandary: God says I should be able to approach him with “freedom and confidence” (Eph. 3:12). I can’t when I carry around this cup of self-righteousness. It spills over onto my eyesight and then I can’t see God. I get all clouded with shame, guilt and discontent.
So there they stand – ones who’ve offended me, tremendously. There Jesus stands – the One who befriended me, groundlessly.
I wonder if Jesus thought about me before he entered the world?
Maybe he thought: “Hmmm…there she stands; I see all Kelly’s offenses. In fact, I can line them up and they’d reach around the world. Join them together, they’d actually wrap it 3 times. How can I go down there, to that place of vile, and forgive her? How can I leave the heights of glory, a throne of brilliance, and all the angelic hosts of heaven – for her likes?”
I would have thought that way, if I was him. I would have thought, “Keep me up here at the banquet, but don’t send me down there into the stink and dirt of a manger – coupled with difficult people.Don’t put me there for that bad girl, Kelly. Not worth it.”
But, He didn’t. And this is the part I can’t contend with: Jesus didn’t abandon me because I abandoned him.
How can I abandon others, when Jesus didn’t abandon me? What right do I have to pick up a right that he laid down? To stand when he laid down?
He teaches me to lay it all down for others so that I can pick up that baby, Jesus Christ, and hold him close this Christmas.
I don’t do it for them, I do it because I love him. I want him. I can’t do life without him. I do it because he’s forgiven them too. He’s set the standard. He shows me the way. And, if I want the way to lead up to his throne, I can’t have mean people blocking my path to him.
So, there they stand. I look at them and, in them, I see me. I see me, because we are all in Christ. I see me, because just as they are covered, so am I. And, what I also accept, beyond the peace that comes with forgiving them, is God’s peace that comes with him forgiving me. For what I’ve held inside, me – the contempt – is covered. And, like a magic trick, but better, with God’s grace it goes – Poof! It’s gone.
And, all that’s left is Jesus. A man, whose small act of entering a large world, changes it all. Whose humility, radically rewires our vision. Whose love, makes our mouth go agape. Whose forgiveness, goes against all odds, yet changes them all the same.
The one “who is, and who was, and who is to come” (Rev. 1:8), remains. He always does. And, what we’ve done is cleared a way for us to bow low, so we can cry, “Holy, Holy, Holy.” So we can get eye-level with a baby, who redeems it all.
Will you let in the baby this Christmas? Who do you need to forgive?
God, we come to you as we are. We come to you with our frustration, anger and irritation. We come to you with our pain and our opinions. We bring to you our perceptions, right or wrong. We hand over to you, what you don’t invite us to carry any longer. God, will you take care of all this? Will do you do justice on our behalf? Will you mend our hearts on our behalf? Will you soften our rough edges and take from us what you know is not healthy for us to carry? We turn it over, God. Today, through the name of Jesus Christ, we release it. We know what you have, in return, is peace and joy that is far better than self-righteousness and pride. Lord, now that we are clean, we ask you to bring us close to your heart. We ask you to walk us up and into your love. We ask you to teach us and grow us as you see fit. We trust you God. Above all, we trust you. In Jesus’ name, we pray, Amen.
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