Tag - hope

When Communication Goes Wrong

December 13, 2023

My daughter said something that I couldn’t entirely make out from the front seat of the car. Still, I knew where she was going with this whole line of thinking. She’d talked like this 100 times, so I instinctively blurted out, “Don’t even think about doing that!”

Suddenly, there was silence. And more silence. I glanced in the rearview mirror to see what was going on. It was then, when I saw her destroyed face, that I knew I did something horribly wrong…

“Mom, did you even hear what I said?” she asked.

“Umm…” I muttered.

My heart sank. An assumption in my mind effectively trampled the goodness flowing out of her heart. She didn’t say something wrong; she was saying something good.

I’m horrible.

I’m learning that when assumption or presumption direct my conversation, it usually leads to contention. I have been guilty of this with my husband, too.

Especially, when I say things like:

You always…
You never…
I know he will…

Negative declarations over my husband, set me up to walk in presumption and assumption. Rather than giving my husband the benefit of the doubt and space to do a new thing, I put faith in an expected outcome, and offer him no space to try out a new thing. All this furthers offense and solidifies negative patterns.

We butt heads. Old cycles continue, on repeat. We both are on edge.

Ever been there? Maybe your husband does that to you. I know it hurts.

In the bible, the Pharisees were fast assumption-makers about Jesus when he cast out a demon.

“. . . they said . . . “it is only by Beelzebub, the prince of demons, that this fellow drives out demons.” But Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.” (Mt. 12:24-25)

To assume and presume is to fill the supernatural gap where God wants to move with our own naturally-minded nonsense. It’s like bridging a gap with icky gum, rather than allowing God to construct his bridge of solid rock, so we can effectively cross over into a new way of being and going.

Carnally-minded, non-grace giving words, tear down not only things of the Lord and passages to new ways of going, but also, our very own houses.

“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” (Prov. 14:1)

God shows us another way to breakthrough:
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Eph. 4:29)

What would it look like for you to extend grace before the recipient even deserves it? How might that change the face of your relationship?

If you want more wisdom, strength and practical help for your marriage, join the “Help My Marriage Workshop” this Thursday (tomorrow), December 14th live or via recording.

Gain strength for your marriage, as well as:
1. Practical strategies to believe God when everything looks dark and dim.
2. Breakthrough testimonies and stories to help you persevere.
3. Prayer strategy that defeats the devil’s schemes.
4. Ways to set up boundaries that safeguard your heart and your children.
5. Prayer and encouragement.

Prayer: Father, I repent of believing lies. Help me to see those around me through your eyes of love. Let me believe the best, instead of rashly thinking the worst. Give me grace to have hope in every relationship. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Dealing with a Frustrating Spouse

December 5, 2023

purposefulfaith

attack, Contentment, devil, fear

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A premarital counselor once talked to me about marriage…

He said, “Have you ever considered how each spouse thinks they load the dishes into the dishwasher the ‘right way’? It is right because it is what they know and it is what they learned. Their way is right. The other way is wrong.”

How we grew up — is right.
How we learned to think about things — is right.
How we process or communicate things — is right.

But, is our way the absolute right way, or can dishes (or thoughts, communication, and habits) have different variations?

This is often the rub in marriage. No one wants to change. Both are set on their own way.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting people to change. Insanity repeats the same words, does the same thing (because it seems right), and is horribly aggravated when patterns remain the same.

Insanity makes one angry and bitter.

What about you? Are you angry? Do you feel bitter inside? Are you repeating patterns? Do you try to do what is right, yet find yourself in communication battles that go all wrong? Is your spouse driving you nuts?

Dissension and frustration make one raise walls of self-protection that hinder deep connection.

Scripture says, “A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.” (Prov. 18:19)

Surely, we can break these patterns and relational triggers. While we can’t force our spouse’s walls down or their heart to change, we can manage our own heart, reactions, and words. And, by doing this, effect a ton of change. We are not powerless. We have power to preserve peace, to communicate with power, and to find radical joy even when the going is extremely tough.

Peace can be found through our actions and thoughts, even if theirs never change.

I am holding a “Help, for my Marriage (& Family Relationships)” Workshop. I want to invite you. Not only will this workshop support you, but it will help keep Purposeful Faith strong and going. Spouses are welcome to come, but not required at all to attend.

The “Help, for My Marriage (& Family Relationships)” Workshop will include:

1. Detailed ways to walk in wisdom in a hard situation.
2. Strength that helps you stay hidden in Christ and wise in words.
3. Practical strategies to believe God when everything looks dark and dim.
4. Breakthrough testimonies and stories.
5. Prayer strategy that defeats the devil’s schemes.
6. Ways to set up boundaries that safeguard your heart and your children.
7. Prayer and encouragement.

Friends, the devil would love for you to think your marriage (and family relationships) are over. I say, they have only yet begun!

The best is yet ahead!
Register here: “Help, for my Marriage (& Family Relationships)” Workshop
December 14, 2023 at 6:00 ET via Zoom.
*Recording available.
$25.00

Don’t give up faith.

Prayer: Father, I thank you that you have all that I need for righteousness and godliness in Christ Jesus. Father, I thank you that I am not waiting for others in order to have life, and life more abundantly — but that I already have it now. I ask you to empower me to change what I can change and to give me the grace to let go of what I cannot change. Empower me with love. In Jesus’ name.

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Help for Marriages!

November 29, 2023

purposefulfaith

Contentment

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My phone rang. It was an unknown number. I only picked it up because I felt an inner prompt to answer the call. Before I did, a strange sense of overwhelming love washed over me. It was directed towards the person on the other end of the call. The only thing was…I hadn’t even talked with them yet.

I answered. They wanted to schedule my kids for an orthodontic appointment at a local office. I didn’t need that. I already had an orthodontist to handle my kids. Before I knew it, I told the lady on the line that I didn’t need those services at all. I forgot about the overwhelming love I felt right before the call, until I hung up the phone. Then, I remembered how God had prompted me to answer the call and then filled me with overwhelming love.

I dialed the phone number back.

“Uh… I’m looking for the lady who called me,” I said.

“Who is that?” the operator asked me.

“I have no idea,” I replied. “She called me just a minute ago.”

“Hold on.”

Before I knew it, the woman I originally talked to was back on the phone. I told her how I felt God’s love for her. I asked her if she needed prayer. She said she did…

“The problem is my marriage. I don’t know if it is going to last,” she conveyed.

I prayed. She cried. I encouraged her, saying that we cannot look on day #2 and know what resurrection life power God has planned to bring on day #3.

“He was buried, and he was raised from the dead on the third day, just as the Scriptures said.” (1 Cor. 15:4)

Can you even imagine how bad things looked when Jesus went into the tomb? But, in just 3 days the whole story was going to change.

Friends, there have been days where I’ve been convinced my marriage is over. Where I’ve thought it’s dead, only to experience the next day — Jesus’ resurrection power!

All this to say: Don’t give up. Don’t give in.

Nothing is ever over with the power of Jesus behind it.

On my heart, I feel the desire to equip the saints to stand for service. This hour, the enemy is coming like a flood, but we are to raise up a standard.

I am holding a “Help, for my Marriage” Workshop. I want to invite you. Not only will this workshop support you, but it will help keep Purposeful Faith alive and going, as there have been some hosting charges that have popped up, recently.

The “Help, for My Marriage” Workshop (which will also help with other difficult family relationships, too) will include:

Friends, the devil would love for you to think your marriage (and family relationships) are over. I say, they have only yet begun! The best is yet ahead!

You do not need a spouse to attend; this session is meant for you and it will help you. Don’t give up faith.

Prayer: Father, you are the Creator of all things! Create something new in my family relationships. I ask for the resurrection life power of Jesus to heal every relationship that needs healing. Help me to take responsibility for me. Help me to do things a new way. May I release all that I cannot change. And, most of all, may I trust you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Know, God Won’t Fail You

November 14, 2023

purposefulfaith

faith, hope

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Driving, I found myself amazed at the weirdest thing!

I know it sounds odd, friends, but isn’t it incredible that highway overpasses actually work? Think of it…three cars can drive directly above us, and yet, the overhead structures never collapse. They don’t buckle under the pressure. Even more, we have no fear of driving under them. We never think twice about their collapse. We know these overhead bridges are sturdy.

But, do we know God’s love is sturdy? Do we know His faithfulness is sturdy? Or, do we trust a bridge to be more faithful than our God?

“He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” (Ps. 91:4 NLT)

God’s promises keep and protect us; they are far more sturdy than any natural thing we rely on to keep safe.

Do we really trust God? Some of us are traveling down roads, yet we are turning back in fear, in doubt and in double-mindedness thinking that God’s way, God’s road, and God’s promises won’t work for us.

If that is you, this Thursday evening is an event you must attend!

I am having a 1-night workshop called, “Stand Strong in Faith — in the Gap of Not-Yet-Answered Prayers & Extremely Hard Times”.

During this workshop, we will:
1. Find practical tips and encouragement to stand strong in faith.
2. Ditch debilitating fear, doubt and worry; learn 3 practical ways to stand strong.
3. Regain trust in a God who is always-faithful.
4. Gain support and empathy from sisters who understand.
5. Pray for one another, as we trust the God who hears us.

Join me for a night of refreshment, encouragement and grace-giving empowerment.

Register here: “Stand Strong in Faith” Workshop
November 16, 2023 at 6:00 ET via Zoom.
*Recording available.
$25.00

Lately, I have been in awe of God. God IS answering so many prayers. Children are finding joy again. Job provision is coming in. Healing is showing up for people. I want to pray for you. I believe God will move powerfully on releasing fresh hope and that He will also show up on our prayers for one another during this call, too. I’m excited!

Let’s join hands together and find refreshment in the Lord!

Testimonials:

“Kelly is a great encourager! Her greatest desire is that you should know who the Lord created you to be and who you are as a daughter.” – M.R.

“Kelly brought light into my very dark world by demonstrating what the true love of Jesus looks like!” – D.P.

“Kelly’s “realness”, no matter the cost has helped liberate me from all the masks I carried. Christ uses her to powerfully deliver freedom in every conversation.” – S.A.

Even better, gift a friend in need with this session. It will change their life.

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Seeing Through Eyes of Faith

October 24, 2023

purposefulfaith

faith, hope, trials

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I sat on my friend’s floor, coiling a long telephone cord around my stubby index finger.

A high school boy had not called her back after she had tried calling him multiple times. I was interested to see how another person, rejected like me, would handle things. It felt good, in that moment to know that I was not alone. She was hurting too now. Misery loves company.

But, she didn’t indulge me how I wanted…her response threw me off. Rather than saying, like I would, “There must be something wrong with me,” she said, “Oh, he’s probably busy and will call me later.”

That surprised me. It wasn’t all her fault.

She didn’t believe the worst about herself…
She didn’t blame herself…
She didn’t think she was flawed…

Instead, she gave the guy the benefit of the doubt. She hoped the best and believed the best for him and herself.

And because of that, she side-stepped all the self-blame, self-hatred, and burdening personalization that I so shamefully and easily walked in.

How was it so easy for her to escape all that?

As she saw it, there was nothing wrong with her, but for me? It was all — ALL my fault.

I wonder if any of you are like me? How often do we personalize what likely has nothing to do with us, thereby heaping pain and self-blame on ourselves?

How often do we decide our kids’ walk is our fault? Our marriage is our fault? Our situation is our fault? People’s responses are our fault?

“Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].” (1 Cor 13:7)

We are to love ourselves. Do you doubt that?

God tells us to “love others as we love ourselves”, therefore, we are to:

1. Believe the best about ourselves
2. Hope there is a good future for ourselves
3. Endure up under ourselves with belief even in the face of our flaws.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Heb. 11:1)

Faith is all about what we hope for.

If we have no hope, we have no faith. If we have no faith, we turn off the faucet flow of the greater things God can and will do for us.

My friend had hope; I had none.

It’s no wonder I got an eating disorder and was ready to die. Without hope, all life dies. Faith can generate nothing new and life-giving.

But, in us, my friends, we have Jesus, the hope of glory! Which means there is always hope! There is always resurrection life power. There is always a new way!

A weekend ago, I spoke at a church, where Jesus came with radical power to heal people of sickness, mental illness, and pain. I have never seen anything like it. The women’s faith believed in the hand of a Saving God! And He came!

If He did it for them, He will do it for you! Have faith that what God has for others could also be for the likes of you, too!

Prayer: Father, you are great. You are mighty. You are able. You are maker. You have good things in store for those who love you. I cast off me for the receiving of you. I let go of what I am not, for the faith that you are bigger than me and my mistakes. I trust you. Life is not about me, but it is for the glory of you! So, today I lean on you and trust in you! You make all things new. You have things in store for me. You have good for me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Hope for Your Day

October 3, 2023

purposefulfaith

Contentment

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Don’t lose hope in the Lord.

Think of the woman at the well. She had no reason to hope and every reason to feel hopeless. She trudged in the heat of the day to that well. Just doing her day’s duties. Just trying to make it by. She knew she was a woman, and a Samaritan at that. It didn’t help that she had so many husbands. She was unacceptable. Unwanted by people. An outcast. No reason to hope.

Little did she know, though — one was coming for her.

Scripture says, “But He (Jesus) needed to go through Samaria.” (Jo. 4:4) Another translation says, “it was necessary.”

Why was it necessary?

Because He wanted to encounter her.
Because He wanted to change her situation.
Because He was ready to set her free.
Because He saw what she was going through.
Because He had a plan for her.

Friends, Jesus pursued her when she felt like the least of these. She didn’t call out. She didn’t read two chapters of the Bible. Perhaps, she had told God her heart and problems. And, guess who showed up on the scene? Jesus.

Today’s post is short, but the point is vital: Don’t lose hope! No matter what you are going through, Jesus is coming. In fact, He is already there, right with you.

If it’s hard, then turn toward Him and receive His heart for you. He cares! There is ample grace for you right now. Keep believing!

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” Ephesians 2:4-7

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Grounds for Love

September 20, 2023

purposefulfaith

Contentment, faith, hope

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I could not get the coffee grounds in the trash! The way my husband tightly packed the grounds into the tight quarters of the machine made removing them impossible. Ugh.

I asked him to pack the coffee into the machine lighter, so it would all fall easier into the trash, but…we all know how it is…life gets busy, mornings get going and coffee is not a huge deal in the grand scheme of life. So, those grounds continually were packed super tight, making it an impossible annoyance to throw away on a daily basis.

Grr…

And, while coffee is most certainly a first-world problem, don’t we all know? It’s often the small things that create big annoyances that have power to topple many dominoes over in our day.

Ever been there? One thing sets you off to be annoyed, then you react to another, which makes something else happen — and you find yourself somewhere emotionally that you don’t want to be?

I needed wisdom on how to handle this. God’s wisdom.

“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” (James 3:17)

The wisdom I got? I decided to empty out my grounds each time. So, instead of leaving my grounds in the coffee machine for him to empty, I emptied my grounds. And, guess what happened? I set a precedent. In turn, he emptied his grounds.

I didn’t have to say a word.
I didn’t have to nag.
I didn’t have to tell him what to do.
I didn’t have to get angry inside anymore.

I just set an example in love and he responded in same.

I am writing this post today, because I got the feeling that some of us are fighting battles in words, when God is calling us to show love through our deeds. Some are angry at others for what they are not doing, when God may be calling us to do something new. Many are fighting battles God did not call us to fight, when He wants to bring our justice. Others are using anger as a weapon, yet anger never leads one to righteousness (see: James 1:20). A group is waiting for them to change, while every day banging their head against the same wall.

Here, I ask: What is the Lord calling you to do? What is wisdom saying about how to handle this problem? What is understanding leading you to do through a sincere heart and love?

There may be another solution to your hard problem.

While this coffee story is so simple, it is emblematic of our greater issues that lay at hand. There is no greater testimony than a living one, one done through a heart of service and love.

“Love never fails.” (1 Cor. 13:8) Love is the highest wisdom and understanding we can ever have. Let’s use it and see it work.

What is love calling you to do?

Father God, I thank you that our highest calling is to love. Show us how to love and what it looks like in our hard problems. Lead us in your love. Empower us not to be offended, agitated or angry. Make us into living testimonies that shine your glory and grace far and wide. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Adventuring with God!

September 11, 2023

purposefulfaith

Contentment, faith, hope, Love & Health

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The boat turned off course. What was going on!? Two minutes ago, we were cruising down a clear water channel, one where I could see for what seemed to be miles. Now, out of nowhere, my boat was crashing into some reeds. Tall ones, I might add. We couldn’t even see beyond the boat’s bow.

Would we be okay? Would we hit land?

Ironically, I didn’t think either of those thoughts. What I thought was, “Wow! This is exhilarating!”

I loved…
the wind flying my hair a mile a minute…
the horsepower of the boat propelling us beyond ordinary…
the brute speed turning charted lands into uncharted ones.

Now I was getting somewhere! Now I was really living!

We were pioneering new lands! We were going where man had not gone before.

Something in me came alive. Why? I am not meant to live an ordinary life, but an extraordinary one, in Christ Jesus.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

What if I lived like I actually believed that? Believing every calling and purpose of God for my life was possible? That God really would give me every bit of providence, sustenance and horsepower I needed to do His will? That the beaten track, the boring, ordinary and commonplace, could be ditched, in order to move out on a thrill ride — His new course, as I follow Jesus, just like the disciples?

Is Jesus calling you? Is there a new attitude, new land, new friend, or new role that you feel nudged to move into? Is there more abundant giving, more adventurous international going or new ways of relating that He is beckoning you into?

Ditch the ordinary and find His extraordinary! Don’t let complacency or convenience connive you into boring living! There is nothing worse than living Groundhog Day on repeat; it makes a soul lose luster.

Friend, get going — in following Him.

Jesus is calling. You can do this. He will help you. All things are possible with God.

You don’t need to know the way — for HE DOES!

The thrill of the ride, the joy of your heart and the land of promise — is only found as you adventure with God. Grab His hand and walk with Jesus!

Prayer: Father, thank you that you are in control. As we let go, you take hold. As we cast our cares on the Lord, you handle them. Please give us bravery, boldness and strength to follow Jesus. Please give us your empowerment from Heaven to do all you have for us to do in this life. We want to obey and follow you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Avoiding a Hard Heart

September 2, 2023

purposefulfaith

faith, Holy Spirit, hope

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Friends, let me start by saying…I DO NOT have it all together.

I got this message loud and clear when, two days ago, I pulled a steel crab pot out of the Chesapeake Bay waters. My catch of two weeks’ worth of crabs made my pot heavy. I knew if I used all my weight and if I leaned back hard, I could leverage the steel pot up, hopefully without launching myself over the dock. So, I did just that.

Victory.

Exasperated, I leaned back for a second and stared at the fruit of my labor on that weather-worn dock. What did I see? It suddenly occurred to me: Hard-shelled, violent creatures fighting one another, claws out…

They were relentlessly aiming to eat each other alive.

Upon reflection, I wondered — is this me? Have I become hard-shelled?

“God, I know what I am doing. I have this handled.”
“God, you should have come through like this.”
“God, I shouldn’t be here.”

Or, hard-shelled with family members?

“I must defend myself.”
“I’m right.”
“I can’t receive what they’re saying, because their motives are off and this threatens who I am.”

I can’t help but think that my hard shell blocks out not only people, but also the voice of God. Who can hear with mufflers on. Hard shells muffle God-sent voices.

Hard shells also make fighters out of people. Everyone is a threat. Protection creates isolation in that person’s life.

I want none of it.

Today, I soften down. I haven’t come to be right in this world, I have come to be soft, to be real, to love others no matter what it may make exposed and vulnerable within me.

What about you? Where might you need to soften? Where might you need to ditch the cover so God’s voice can penetrate your heart?

Prayer: Father God, I thank you that you are my Protector, Provider and Keeper. I ask for grace and power to trust you more. I ask for help believing you when I feel afraid. You are my God. You are my Lord. You are my Protector. You are a stronghold and a fortress. Let me lean on you when the going gets tough. Equip me for this, even right now, Father. In Jesus’ name.

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Admitting What is Hard to Admit

August 15, 2023

purposefulfaith

faith, grace, hope

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Hey friends — I was on the 700 Club this week talking about Take Every Thought Captive! I hope the segment blesses you. Watch here.

BLOG POST:

I knew I was wrong. But, changing course and admitting wrongdoing, I knew, would hurt too much to do. Why? During the whole course of the discussion, I defended my position adamantly. I was so sure. I made myself out to be a saint with all the right answers…but now? Now that I was beginning to see the light of my error? Grr…

It’s embarrassing to feel caught and exposed. Like a wild animal caught in a cage, flashlight probing its eyes, all one can do is stand there, not sure of where to go. Like this animal, I paced around in my mind, considering what to do. Will this person still think good things about me? Will they berate me after I admit: I was wrong? Will my opinion still be valued going forward? Will I have to radically change — and, can I even make this change?

Sometimes, it’s easier to deny wrongdoing than to admit it. Sometimes, it is easier to keep pride than to give away ego. Sometimes, it is easier to maintain your sense of self than to die to the flesh.

I think Nicodemus, when talking to Jesus, may have understood these feelings.

“Now there was a certain man among the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler (a leader, an authority) among the Jews, Who came to Jesus at night and said to Him, Rabbi, we know and are certain that You have come from God [as] a Teacher; for no one can do these signs (these wonderworks, these miracles—and produce the proofs) that You do unless God is with him.” (John 3:1-2 AMPC, emphasis added)

Nicodemus said, “We know…you have come from God.”

This means, there was more than one Pharisee or religious leader who knew the truth about Jesus — but, they were not saying anything!

If the Pharisees “knew” why keep it a secret? Why not come out and say, “This man, Jesus, is from God?” Why not announce, “Only one from God can do the works this man does!?” Why not tell all, “Certainly, God is with this man”?

There is only one reason, much like the reason I had for not speaking up — pride.

Pride that thinks:
If we are wrong about this man, what will the people think about us?
If He is from God, what will we mattter anymore?
If all know that God is with Him, how will we have to change?
If He is more than us, what will happen to us?
Pride kept the Pharisees from fully receiving Jesus.

That’s what pride does. It keeps us from admitting, receiving and confessing truth, even when we blatantly know it is true. Pride makes us preserve our flesh rather than die to it. I wonder, how often has pride caused you to deny, rationalize or to hide away because you don’t want to get hurt?

Friends, I know pride. I know what it is to want to stay safe. I, probably like you, have been hurt in the past. Yet, I know this — when we are honest, we free ourselves. We free ourselves from shame, from fear, and from circular mental traps. Remember, it is only the truth that will set us free.
The Pharisees full-out denied Jesus out of pride. It is easy to point the finger at them, but how often do we do the same thing?

What truth, may you need to admit, in that hard moment, even though it feels like it may kill you?

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” (Jo. 3:30)

Prayer: Father, forgive me of my pride. Give me the power to decrease so that you may increase. Just as Jesus died to Himself, help me. Just as Jesus laid down defenses, help me. Just as Jesus humbled himself, may I do the same. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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