Not too many days ago, which, if I am completely honest with you – is about once a week – I have one of those pull-out-your-hair types of days.
Most of the time the impetus is my kids, and either some crazy mishap like poo on the floor, water all over the place, cooking extravaganzas gone horribly wrong or something else that is impossible to clean up.
Then I start playing the mole in the hole game as one thing after another pops up to drive me mad:
I start stubbing my toe.
The cabinets look a mess.
I can’t organize worth a small stack of T-bonds.
I needed to throw out everything (about 10 years ago).
I am the worst mom.
I can’t do things well.
Before I know it, I grab my AK-47 and start firing.
Normally the bullets hit my kids first, leaving what I assume are critical care wounds from words like this:
You are not listening.
You are not obeying.
You are frustrating me.
You are going to be punished.
You better do ____, or else!
I don’t want to be around you.
I am leaving you here until you can shape up.
Why can’t you __________?
Perhaps you shoot down your spouse this way too,
this kind of thing has been known to happen.
It’s interesting, isn’t it?
The ones we most love are the ones we most love to shoot.
The ones that are closest always land our stray bullets.
The ones most invested in us are the ones we most often try to rob.
It is as if somehow we know that their belief in us –
is also our greatest risk.
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Prov. 14:1
God’s spiritual inclinations repel from our earthly inclinations.
He’s basically like:
If you have a house, why are you ripping it apart?
If you are building something great, are you really going to be so dumb as to ruin it?
If you are wise, get wise about the words of identity you declare –
they determine the path of the ones you love.
Then, he graciously teaches mom his love and how to speak love.
He says, My Child, watch what I do,
then you will see and know how to speak.
I say things like:
I love you always, no matter how badly you mess up (or how bad your cabinets look).
I want to help you listen and obey.
I am with you and will guide you in the process.
I won’t leave you or push you aside when you fail.
I want to encourage you in all your ways.
If you have questions about my approach, just ask.
I won’t keep reminding you of all you have done wrong.
I love how I made you; I approve of you.
I love watching your small steps of improvement.
I wait for you to be near to me; I love being close to you.
What if I was to talk – like God talks to me?
What if rather than tearing down, I start laying down new bricks of life-long security?
What might that do to a dwelling? To the attitudes inside – and to the mom who feels subpar?
Somehow, I can’t help but think, when we start speaking grace, we start believing it.
Then, when moles sneak out of their holes, rather than believing they are creating dugouts that will sink our house, we remember what we have built. We step back, we see our foundation and we know God’s words and reinforced love made it strong.
We gently hear his voice say: “I will be with you. Just do your best and I will take care of the rest.”
And, things feel okay – and so does everyone else.
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