Post by:Jami Amerine
I have spent the better part of 45 years afraid.
I am afraid of many things; flying, heights, spiders, the demise of one of my loved ones, egg salad, and weight gain, just to name a few.
Within the last year, I have added a new fear to my list… failure.
In the midst of this new terror, I made a friend. At first, she wasn’t a friend, although she didn’t know, I was intimidated by her. I saw her message as a threat to my message. Which was, altogether inaccurate.
As our relationship progressed, she invited me to become a regular contributor here, on her website. Her book, Fear Fighting launched this week. In perfect harmony with my new fear of failure, her book has been salve to my wound.
A few nights after her book was featured on the Today Show by Kathie Lee Gifford, I climbed into bed to read more of Kelly’s beautiful paperback. After a couple chapters, I rolled over to go to sleep and I went to work on my shortcomings, my inabilities, and disabilities. I fell asleep afraid my book would fail. I began to compare the beauty of Kelly’s manuscript with the folly of mine.
I distinctly remember praying, “God, I am afraid I can’t do this…”
And I dreamed.
It was a vivid dream. I dreamed I was watching Kelly speak and white butterflies flew about every time she spoke of the Jesus she adores. In my sleep, I dreamt that I told my husband, “When Kelly speaks of Jesus white butterflies appear.” My husband brushed me off as silly. In this reverie, I went on to dream that I was meeting Kelly at my alma mater by a fountain. My husband came with me and when Kelly and I met and hugged white butterflies exploded in the evening sky and we laughed and danced. My husband knelt and began to pray for us.
I sat upright in the bed. The dream still fresh in my mind, I reached for my iPhone to check the time. I had only been asleep a few hours. Shaken by the mystery, I decided to flip through my phone and consider. I opened my Facebook, the first thing in my feed was a picture my friend, fellow author Rachelle DeNecochea had posted. It was the image of a painting Rachelle’s husband gave her for Christmas.
The painting, by artist Melissa Paddock, was of two girls dancing in the moonlight with white butterflies in the sky.
I was undone.
Here is the thing. I am not in any way insinuating Kelly and I are some grand prophetesses. What I am implying is, my God knows me so well.
I am more than suggesting, He met me where I was in my fears. The dream? I would have easily brushed it aside as my tiny brain having a playdate of non-sense. But I fully believe God didn’t intend for me to dismiss it.
My fears of failure are not from Him or of Him.
He has blessed me with opportunities, outside of anything I could have wished or hoped for – opportunities to speak about how magnificent He is.
You can call it a coincidence.
My husband is certain I saw the painting before I fell asleep. I won’t argue with him, my phone was dead when I plugged it in and picked up Kelly’s book. I believe that God wanted to encourage me. I am confident the dream and the painting were meant to minister to me. I have faith that Jesus knows me, and is available to ease my terrors and worries with signs and wonders. As Kelly says, “Faith is the thing that makes little warriors do big things.”
Certainly, He is all that is right with me. The fear doesn’t come from Him, only the comfort does. And I need not worry about my abilities, as I read Kelly’s words the next day I was further convinced, “It’s not about ‘my’ abilities that make me able but God’s capabilities, that make me more than able.”
I am encouraged like never before.
Truly, as many the years, I have spent in fear, I fully intend on spending the next years brave.
I will watch more closely and with a new found eagerness for Him to reveal things to me, and my faith will allow me to believe. He is the master of words, maestros of symphony, and a virtuoso of every canvas and coloring page.
I choose to believe He will move in every aspect of my life. When I am weak, He is strong. When I am strong, He is my strength.
I encourage you to grab a copy of Kelly’s book and “let the creator re-sketch your scenery of fear into faith…”
The season of bravery is upon us, the time of freedom is at hand. The tools for breaking down your bondage are available.
Dear Captives, be set free.
“I will not be shaken for God is right beside me.” Acts 2:25
Don’t miss taking part in the 4 Days to Fearless Challenge. Or, order my book, Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage to Overcome Your Fears, today!
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“The Sway” image was used with permission from the artist Melissa Paddock.
Jami Amerine is a wife, and mother to anywhere from 6-8 children. Jami and her husband Justin are active foster parents and advocates for foster care and adoption. Jami’s Sacred Ground Sticky Floors is fun, inspirational, and filled with utter lunacy with a dash of hope. Jami holds a degree in Family and Consumer Sciences (yes Home Ec.) and can cook you just about anything, but don’t ask her to sew. She also holds a Masters Degree in Education, Counseling, and Human Development. Her blog includes topics on marriage, children, babies, toddlers, learning disabilities, tweens, teens, college kids, adoption, foster care, Jesus, homeschooling, unschooling, dieting, not dieting, dieting again, chronic illness, stupid people, food allergies, and all things real life. You can find her blog at Sacred Ground Sticky Floors, follow her onFacebook or Twitter.
