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I read a Facebook post by a Christian encouraging other Christians. . . it essentially said, “If you are left out of a get-together, don’t be offended. Some people want to hang out with other people. When they do, don’t be insecure about it. . .”

Something about the message didn’t sit right. Maybe it was because I was the ‘new person’. . . Maybe it was because I desire new friends. . . Maybe it was because I supposed the writer of it had a million people she was hanging out with. . . meanwhile, sad-people were left at home. The idea of it hurt me a little.

Not wanting to think too much about it, I navigated off that Christian webpage. I landed on my Facebook feed. There. I saw all sorts of secular posts.

One caught my eye. A woman wrote something like, “No matter where you are, remember there may always be someone who feels left out. . . be sure to include them. Think of them. Remember, that could be you. . . ”

Something like sadness filled me. Why is it the non-Christian post is more grace-filled than the Christian-post? And, how often is this the case?

I just sat there staring at the screen.

How often do I proclaim Jesus, but when push-comes-to-shove, or when the-rubber-meets-the-road — I don’t show Him? Instead, I seek my own convenience. I push my own agenda. I want what is good for me. . . I cause division rather than unity.

I am just as guilty as the Christian-writer I judged.

But, I don’t want to remain this way. I want to be the real-deal. I want to be pure and true. I want to be honest and inclusive. I want to think of the least of these.

God, help me. 

I’m not sure I’m there yet. But, I want to be. For to be this way, is to be like Jesus. It is to be a magnet for those: seeking love, desiring more, wanting to be included, hoping to be seen as they are and wishing they were wanted. It is to be like Jesus, who died with arms wide-open.

It is to resurrect faith in each other. It is to see people for who they are and to love them anyway, unconditionally.

“Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.” (Eph. 5:1 NLT)

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This week, it is the time of year when almost EVERYONE comes out with their New Year resolution. On purple images, one person shares their dream to conquer their business, another person posts a long sentimental post about how they are going to be present more.

I don’t know why friends, but sometimes, I feel jaded about all these resolution posts. Maybe its because I’ve failed a time or two…and sometimes it is just easier to give up and to judge others than it is to keep trying…

…Anyway, I am trying again. Because, if God doesn’t give up on me, why should I give up on working with Him, in order to be like Him.

This year, I am pressing into one simple word: Patience.

Patience, that still listens and cares — when others talk too much.
Patience so that I don’t quickly cut-off others off with my views when they are sharing important heart-stories.
Patience that allows others to go before me.
Patience that trusts God to show up, more than it feels it has to cut its own Amazon rainforest path.
Patience that believes in people’s change — and my own — even if it is slow-coming.
Patience that keeps faith that God’s work is happening even if a breakthrough feels far.
Patience that endures through hard-conversations to see better outcomes come to life.
Patience that doesn’t respond quickly with anger or annoyance.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Gal. 6:9)

I don’t want to give up. What about you? Is there something God is calling you to work with Him on? You don’t face it alone. You don’t go at it without help.

As you consider this “resolution”, I hope to encourage you with three ideas, I’ve learned over the years…

Sometimes there is value in:

One: Keeping it Quiet.

Even though I shared with you all today, not everyone needs to know your goal. Sometimes, if we think others notice our botch-up, we are more likely to quiet. Pick one or two encouragers and then keep the rest to you.

Two: Defining it.

Just as I defined what I meant by my goal, the more you can add clarity around it — the more easily you’ll be able to see it through.

Three: Giving yourself a ton of grace.

Allow this change to be so full of grace, you will keep trying to the end of the year. Giving-up is usually an indicator that we have stopped giving our self grace.

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I don’t know about you, but there is a lot going on in my life right now. With Christmas and The New Year here, there are family trips. With things to get done, there are demands. With a project due, there are deadlines. With kids off of school, there are needs.

Sometimes life seems to demand more from us than we have. Are you there today?

Does it feel like people have expectations of you that you just can’t meet? Or, that there is simply too much to do? Or, that you can’t handle all that you face? Maybe there is a person in your life that keeps breaking your heart. Another who can’t seem to right their ways.

The pain there is real and valid. For this reason, sometimes we can get stuck in an emotional-low. Or, in a confusing fog.

I notice that David, in the Psalms, seemed to get stuck here, occasionally. But, he didn’t stay there.

To move out he:

He honestly called out to God…from his pit…

“Come with great power, O God, and rescue me! Defend me with your might. Listen to my prayer, O God. Pay attention to my plea. For strangers are attacking me, violent people are trying to kill me. They care nothing for God.” (Ps. 54:1-3 NLT)

David chose to raise his thoughts above what he faced.

He went on to say…

“But God is my helper. The Lord keeps me alive!” (Ps. 54:4 NLT)

David proclaimed who God is in the face of risk.

We can do the same. We can announce — who God is when everything else is threatening — what it will do to us.

Finally, David, believed God.

“You have delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes.” (Ps. 54:7)

Yes, David was confronted with enemies and attacks, but he also announced God’s triumph.

It is interesting to me that in the time of singing one song, David was already saying he was delivered. There is a certain mental deliverance that can come before a physical one. Either way, David trusted God’s ultimate triumph and proclaimed it! We can too.

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My husband said to me, “Kelly, you need to be more straightforward with people. Answer with an outright ‘no’ when you know you need to say ‘no.’

I mulled over his words, considering them.

He had a good point. I have a hard time saying no. I want to make everyone happy. I don’t want to let people down. My central goal is to leave them encouraged.

And to avoid feeling unlikable. To avoid dealing with those awful residual icky feelings of knowing a person may not want me anymore, think highly of me, or desire to be my friend. Or worst yet, they talk behind my back and form some kind of club that hates me. The idea of all this hurts enough to live a life that rapidly throws out a yes.

Even the idea of it horribly stresses me out.

Are you like me? Do you say “yes” when you have an inkling the right answer is “no?” Why? Underneath your altruistic, save-the-world, love-on-every man, give-your-whole-life-over goal, what are you seeking?

Do you want to appear the do-it-all woman?
Do you want people to know you are capable?
Do you not want to look weak?
Do you hope to never let anyone down?
Do you believe God has called you to do everything?
Do you cringe at the idea of not being liked?

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10)

This verse teaches us: Our goal is not to be loved by man, but to love God first and foremost. We can’t easily pursue God’s mission when we’re caught in the web of everyone else’s approval. The only approval we need is the approval of Christ Jesus. Just as many men disliked Jesus, there will be many times when we are disliked too. The value of Christian life is not how liked we are; it is how loved by Jesus we are.

With these foundational truths in our pocket, we can ask God 3 things when making a decision:

Are you calling me to do this?

Consider: Our immediate and half-hearted action plan may prohibit God’s perfect and powerful plan. It may be another’s gifts that are meant to be used for this unique situation, not ours. Sometimes our best strategy is to move out of the way, so God can move in.

Am I doing this out of love?

If it’s absent of love, it is worthless.

“If I…do not have love, I gain nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:3)

Am I wise to wait on this?

If we don’t have clarity, there’s validity in waiting. Pray. Seek. Ask. Repeat. By faith, believe God has our way.

Jesus is “The Way.” And no matter how you answer… “yes” or “no,” he always loves you. Always. And He’s prepared to help, guide and lead you in all of your ways.

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I walked to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Without a problem, I knew where things were in the dark. Even though I could hardly see, I knew the small space between my bed and the wall. I inched around the corner of my bed.

I knew, comfortably, how to maneuver. Why? Because I’d walked that path 100 times.  So much so, it became — known.

Some of us know how to navigate our own darkness. Because we’ve walked the same path 100 times, it is now normal to us.

We’ve dealt with fear for decades, so we inch around our feelings, pretending they aren’t there. We feel anxiety, yet we push through and snap at others. We get triggered and flare up with anger.

Just because it’s grown normal, doesn’t make it — right.

Are you used to, accustomed to or comfortable with — pockets of darkness?

As it pertains to darkness — this verse makes me sit-up straight in my chair: “If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness [of sin], we lie and do not practice the truth. . . (1 Jo. 1:6 AMP)”

Yet, it’s the second part that gives my soul clarity, “. . . but if we [really] walk in the Light [that is, live each and every day in conformity with the precepts of God], as He Himself is in the Light, we have [true, unbroken] fellowship with one another [He with us, and we with Him], and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin [by erasing the stain of sin, keeping us cleansed from sin in all its forms and manifestations].” (1 Jo. 1:7 AMP)

This verse teaches me, we can move from the darkness, into the light, as we:

1. Walk in the light of the Spirit, by the Spirit of God, while holding the Sword of the Spirit, God’s truth.

2. Remember, we are in unbroken fellowship with God. This means: He forgives us. He is near us. He loves us. He is watching us. He is with us.

3. Receive the blood-cover of Jesus, that frees us from all past-shame or inner-anxiety.

Rather than walking, dangerously, in the darkness, we now walk, with freedom, in the light of God. If you find yourself stuck, make a definitive move today, to walk out of that dim place and into the light and care of God.

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