I walked to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Without a problem, I knew where things were in the dark. Even though I could hardly see, I knew the small space between my bed and the wall. I inched around the corner of my bed.

I knew, comfortably, how to maneuver. Why? Because I’d walked that path 100 times.  So much so, it became — known.

Some of us know how to navigate our own darkness. Because we’ve walked the same path 100 times, it is now normal to us.

We’ve dealt with fear for decades, so we inch around our feelings, pretending they aren’t there. We feel anxiety, yet we push through and snap at others. We get triggered and flare up with anger.

Just because it’s grown normal, doesn’t make it — right.

Are you used to, accustomed to or comfortable with — pockets of darkness?

As it pertains to darkness — this verse makes me sit-up straight in my chair: “If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness [of sin], we lie and do not practice the truth. . . (1 Jo. 1:6 AMP)”

Yet, it’s the second part that gives my soul clarity, “. . . but if we [really] walk in the Light [that is, live each and every day in conformity with the precepts of God], as He Himself is in the Light, we have [true, unbroken] fellowship with one another [He with us, and we with Him], and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin [by erasing the stain of sin, keeping us cleansed from sin in all its forms and manifestations].” (1 Jo. 1:7 AMP)

This verse teaches me, we can move from the darkness, into the light, as we:

1. Walk in the light of the Spirit, by the Spirit of God, while holding the Sword of the Spirit, God’s truth.

2. Remember, we are in unbroken fellowship with God. This means: He forgives us. He is near us. He loves us. He is watching us. He is with us.

3. Receive the blood-cover of Jesus, that frees us from all past-shame or inner-anxiety.

Rather than walking, dangerously, in the darkness, we now walk, with freedom, in the light of God. If you find yourself stuck, make a definitive move today, to walk out of that dim place and into the light and care of God.

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I sat on the curb after practice, wondering, “Is mom ever going to come?” It was a particularly hard high school year. For one, my nose got hit with a field hockey stick. Even today, it sits a little crooked. And on this particular day, after all those sprints, shooting pains shot up my legs. I could hardly sit. Every position was agony. So with my teammates long gone, I moaned. Then, I replayed everything: the shots I didn’t make, the girls that were faster than me, and how I must have looked downright stupid.

Five minutes turned into twenty. Would she ever come?

Times of waiting are battles – the sense of “not knowing” compounds everything. Here, we tend to think, “If she isn’t there for me, God won’t be there either. I’m unworthy. I’ll be left behind. I brought on this problem. I’m stuck. Bound to fail. Surely, I’ll make a fool of myself again.”

I find it is here that old injuries, gut-wrenching feelings of abandonment, and age-old failures come back to attack. They often rob our faith.

Yet, I can’t help but wonder: If waiting times aren’t uncommon to Biblical men and women, why do I think they’ll be uncommon to me?

I mean, Sarah waited decades to have a baby. Blind people waited what probably felt like forever to be healed by Jesus. Mary waited while Jesus grew up. The other Mary waited for her brother Lazarus to get healed. Moses waited to get out of Egypt. Jesus waited decades to start His ministry, then about three years to die on the cross to defeat death.

Even in the worldly sense, waiting times have value. A delayed inheritance makes a son wise. A pregnant mother gives nine months time for the baby to grow. A toddler girl learns to swim before jumping in the deep end.

What if our times of waiting aren’t meant to torture us, but to grow us? And to prepare us for a greater land ahead?

“The land you are entering to take over is not like the land of Egypt, from which you have come, where you planted your seed and irrigated it by foot as in a vegetable garden… It is a land the Lord your God cares for; the eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end.” (Deuteronomy 11:10, 12, NIV)

The new land has new terrain. New obstacles. New preparation is needed for that place.

Consider, if you want to adventure through new terrain, you must prepare for it. If you’re traveling over rocky ground, you need the right wheels. Perhaps an SUV. If you are climbing a new mountain, you need to have a harness and one you trust. Waiting gives us time to prepare to go to the places God has planned for us.

We can wait well. Here are few ways to do just that:

1. Remember the cross.

Encourage yourself by saying, “Jesus’ sacrifice fully covers me and now protects me from any assaulting words of the enemy. Even if I don’t do things perfectly, through the sacrifice of Christ, I am hidden in Christ.”

1. Reconsider who you are.

Think, “I am a daughter of the most-High King. He knows how to take care of me.”

1. Reestablish who God is.

Say, “God is on my side. He will pull through for me, help me and rescue me. I can trust Him.”

1. Remind yourself: Waiting ground is faith-proving ground.

Choose to delight in and dwell on the little blessings God gives day-to-day.

1. Reflect on the learnings.

Encourage yourself by saying, “God, teach me what I need to know through this time of wait, so I can grow in faith.”

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As I sat there, I noted, before he began to play he turned. One-by-one, he strummed each string. Why? He was tuning his instrument. He wanted to make sure every chord sounded right. So, he tested them again and again. . .

“Who can discern his own errors? Cleanse me from my hidden faults.” (Ps. 19:12)

Just as this man took the time to ensure his overall melody was not off, so too should we evaluate the strings of our faith.

Are you living in-tune to God or out-of-tune? In line with His fullness or a little off-track?

Let’s test your strings. . .

Do you hear the voice of love or condemnation?

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Ro. 8:1)

Are you feeling full of the Spirit or full of fear?

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Tim. 1:7)

Are you trusting God by faith or are you striving, by works?

“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast.” (Eph. 2:8-9)

If you are out of tune today, don’t start berating yourself or hating yourself. It is as simple as tuning the string; simply adjust course. Repent of what was and move into what’s new.

These small-adjustments will help you to play a whole new song over your life.

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From the second I went on the airplane, I was sure that God was up to something. What? Only time would tell. . .

Squeezing in between a woman and her aisle seat, I sat down in the middle row, next to a man with glasses, who was eager to talk.

“What do you do?” He inquired of me.

“I write books. Christian books.” I said. Then, I inquired, “How is your relationship with God?”

He explained that it had hit some hiccups since his wife “did what she did.” I could see the anger in his eyes. It was almost as if, I knew, he had ‘a right’ to be angry with her.  He went on to tell me that ‘what she did in a moment had a lifetime of consequences’. They’d now been divorced for years.

We continued to talk . . . He longed for a woman. He felt alone. This season was — hard.

Yet, the more we sat there, the more something in me said — he still loves ‘her’. He deeply loves her.

I asked him, “Could you ever forgive her?”

He said, “For that?  I still believe in God, but I can NOT forgive her.”

He seemed furious. Even so, I encouraged him to forgive. I covered points, like:

– “Unforgiveness will never hurt her more, but only you.”
– “What anger and bitterness you leave in you — grows.”
– “Unforgiveness is like a bad seed — you can’t expect it to grow good stuff.”
– “Forgiveness will be your freedom — if you let it be. . .”

Oh friends, you all don’t know how badly I wanted him to forgive her. . . .Somehow, I imagined that they might even be able to get back together. Somehow, I knew what he wanted was on the other side of saying, “I forgive her. God help me to let this go.”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, (forgive) not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Mt. 18:22)

But, he looked at me flatly and said, “I just can’t. I just am not ready.”

While I respected His desire, I felt like sinking down into my seat. . . If only he knew. . . 

He could be free of his anger. He could move on. He could begin to have deeper relationships. He could. . . At the same time, God is a respecter of free-will, be it towards freedom or bondage, life or death. Sadly, this man wanted to keep his anger. Not left with many other options, I encouraged him to “think about what I had said and to accept God’s grace for the timing of forgiveness. . .”

Even so, I went home thinking about you. Are you choosing to walk in freedom or bondage? I know people have offended you, taken advantage of you, spoken about you, retaliated, been obnoxious around you, stolen from you. . . and done so many other things towards you. With this, I wonder, which are you choosing — freedom or bondage?

You know, this man excused away forgiveness saying, “I don’t think about her. I pretend it is not there.”

That doesn’t work. There are many things that don’t work.  Only forgiveness frees us. The rest of it puts us in greater bondage.

“And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” (Eph. 4:26-27)

Friend — big or small, years ago or ‘it just happened’, forgotten about or not — please — let it go to Jesus, now. You will be better for it.

Prayer: God, I have feelings about what this person has done to me. They have (insert their injury here). . . I do feel upset, hurt or (insert your feelings here). However, God, I don’t want to live my life being enslaved to judging, critiquing, retaliating or injuring them. I want You to fight this battle. You are the ultimate Justice-Bringer and Healer. With this, I release them from my heart. I let them go to you. I forgive (insert name) and I ask you to bless them. Please pour out the grace they and I so desperately need right now. Thank you that as forgiveness goes forth, new vision comes in. Help me to see more of you, God?

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