I am more in love with my husband then ever. I admire his strength, his intelligence and his passion. I admire his intellect, his words and his heart.  He challenges me to be greater than myself, stronger than my weaknesses and courageous when I feel scared.  He is my all-in-all.

And, that’s my problem.

You see, day’s come where everything in my husband’s life doesn’t go as planned. There are unforeseen days when unexpected storms roll through.

Days when he needs space. When he needs to process.  When he needs to think. When he needs direction.

And, it’s these days – the days of waiting, uncertainty, or struggle – when I want to fix things for him.  I want to work things out. I want to problem solve.

I put on my captain’s hat, stand up against the swirling winds and breathe in the air of his every emotion – then, I set a course. Clearly, I feel I command his destiny; I can direct his future.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Phil. 2:3-4)

I wrongly think I can mend his feelings.

Then, I feel bad, because he feels bad.  I feel worried, because he feels worried. I feel impatient because he feels impatient. I feel whatever he is feeling and then I feel I have to find a way to throw the feelings overboard. Why? Because they are uncomfortable.

So, I:

– Rescue him
– Give advice
– Explain my fears
– Fix him
– Downplay the situation
– Amplify the predicament
– Get defensive
– Cut him off mid-sentence
– Develop an action plan
– Explain what he did wrong so he can fix it
– Get angry

You can guess how this goes over.

While I try to help him set sail, I miserably fail.

The only thing I succeed in doing is being unproductive and arrogant.

Why do I think I can “fix him”?
Who am I to think I can tie all his ropes up into perfect little knots?
Who am I to think that I am the anchor of his life?

If I, at best, do a wonderful job of listening and reflecting –
even then, I still can’t provide him a refuge, a calm sea, or a way out of the storm.
I have no control over that.

If I, unwittingly, allow the sum of all his emotions to blow right into me,
I will never have the capability to minister to him as God has designed me to.  

If I am one being tossed from left to right and back again,
how can I help him stand straight?

It’s impossible.  Because we are in the same sinful condition.  Sure we are one flesh (Gen. 2:24), but God never said to be one emotion.

Because God knows, if we were, we couldn’t fully love, serve, equip, help and submit to God – or each other.

How can you take care of another when you lay injured, immobile and incapacitated yourself?

Instead, God calls us to stay calm, stay collected and to be a lighthouse on a dark night. He calls us to shine so bright that we light the night. He calls us to hold ourselves to his righteous standard (not take on the other’s feelings) – and to trust him with the rest.

Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. (Ephesians 5:2)

It is He who reveals the profound and hidden things; He knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with Him. (Daniel 2:22)

The Lord never intended for us to be captains of the sea, because He is the one who sees.  

He sees in darkness.
He sees the hidden barriers.
He sees the obstacles that stand before us.
He sees what needs to happen.
He sees my husband’s future.
God comes with a perfect course redirect – and it is much better than my not-so-well-laid-plan.

I don’t want to steal God’s glory, and make it about my story.
If I can wait, and rest, I can trust God will take care of the rest.
If I can abide in him, by faith, won’t God be faithful?

It is in this place of faith where we can stop being captains of distraction – and move towards compassion.
It is in the land of trust, where God helps us to act the right way, instead of going the wrong way.
In this, he brings us on a voyage of authenticity, as we trust him to be who we are, no matter how rocky the boat my get.

And, what we get at the end of the day, is love.

We get a pure love that doesn’t manipulate, doesn’t demand – and that is effective.

God loves love. It is the basis of everything.

I have this sneaky feeling that if I can just stay in this place – of love – God will take care of the rest. I have a feeling that it’s not about how you fix your spouse, but it’s about how you love them.

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What good are you?
What do you offer?
How do you help?

I have carried you far and wide.

The thing about you is that sometimes you are small and my bag is light. In this case, you allow for other things to fit – like joy, peace and rest. Other times, however, you are so big, there is no room for any of that. There is just room for a self-focus – a self focus that deters me from the reality of truth.

I hate it when you take up all the room.
The zippers don’t close and you tend to squeeze right out the sides of my life.
I want to hide you, contain you within, but you always come out.
Maybe that is what bothers me the most.

I’m tired.
You weigh me down.
You consistently focus me – on me.

Worry, you have to go.

I want to leave you behind. I want to go to baggage claim and never claim you again.

Because you are like a carousel –
round and round go the thoughts in my mind, but I never get anywhere.

You are like a leech.
You suck joy, peace and the power of presence right out of my life.

You are like an old lady crossing a busy 3-lane highway.
When you walk in, I can’t see anything else but you in my life.

But, most of all, you are who you are, a loaded, weighted, burdensome, inconvenient bag stuffed with entirely no use.

How have you tricked me so often?
I must falsely believe inside that you serve some purpose.

You don’t change anything.
You distract me from God.
You dwell my heart on fear.
You condition me to live based on “what if’s”.
You fight my sleep.
You steal moments with my kids.
You leave me inactive.
Who knows what you do to my health? I have heard it isn’t good.

I am done.

I hope you feel the swift kick to the curb I offer you today.

I know it won’t be easy, but I have a plan of action so that you don’t show up on my doorstep again.

1. When the winds of worry waken my fears, I am going to start wondering about what I wonder about.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. (Phil. 4:8)

I am going to be thinking about what I am thinking about. I am going to be evaluating what I am watching. I am going to be considering what I am believing. If it doesn’t line up with Jesus Christ and his gospel of grace, the truth that he is always with us and his promise that he will give us all we need – I am kicking these fears out the door too.

2. I am going to choose to be thanks-filled about the trial-filled moments.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Phil. 4:6)

Will this be hard? Indeed. Worth it? You bet. Underneath it all, I know this is the antidote to worry.

How can we worry and be truly thankful at the same time?
Thankfulness focuses our mind on all we have,
while worry focuses our mind on all we hypothetically may not have.
These two enemies cannot co-exist.

3. I am going to remember that worry doesn’t rule me, Christ does.

Thanks be to you Lord Jesus; you have all authority. You rule on high. No one can take you down.  No situation can overcome you. You are the definition of power, the force of love and the fixer of all things. I don’t have to take the world on my shoulders because you took the cross on yours.

I bow down.

I humble myself and let go of prideful worry that fools me into thinking that I can actually do something to change my situation. Again, Lord, it is all about you.

God is so much more effective than this bag of tricks I have ineffectively relied on for so long.

So, today, I take that ugly, frustrating bag of worry and let go. What a relief it is! I can almost see my steps quicken, my arms pump a little faster, and my step lighten a tad. I feel free. I feel connected in love.

Does this mean that bad things won’t happen to me? Or that worst case scenarios may never come true? No.

But this does mean that I know deep, deep, down in my heart that my troubles are momentary and that my trials will pass and that I serve a God greater than these things. In this – I can choose to let go of this bag with imprints of my hand so deeply marked on its handles. This bag that I have clutched so tightly.

You don’t serve me. You don’t rule me.

I can release my grip and wave goodbye.

Bag, you are no longer my load to carry.

Today I am delighted to join Suzie Eller’s #LifeFreeThursday.

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We plan our ways. We think we are heading the right direction – and then we get stopped.  Dead in our tracks – we get stopped.

This can be so entirely frustrating when we are giving it our all, when we are trying our best and when we are submitting oursevles to the Lord’s will.

Why would God hinder us?
Why would he present us with this type of problem?

With all of my heart I knew God called me to follow, to write and to speak for Him. And, with all that I am – I was being obedient to his call. I was seeking him as I climbed his tallest mountains of purpose.

That is, until I ran right into it…

Until a rock came right up against me and stopped me in my tracks.
It was a big opportunity that was quickly taken away from me.
It broke my heart.
As I stood face to face with the immensity of it, I immediately felt discouraged.

I couldn’t move it. 
I couldn’t cut it.
I couldn’t climb it.
Or push it.

It was outside of my control. It was no longer mine to have. It belonged to someone else.

Do you know how frustrating it is to feel blocked in life? To see where you need to be, but not to be there?  How do we address the insurmountable rocks in our lives?

Because rocks, left unchecked,
turn into barriers that keep us angry.

Rocks, left unchecked,
become heavy weights of uncertainty that make us question God’s love.

Rocks, left unchecked,
dwell our minds on the “what if’s” and the “how come’s”.

Rocks, left unchecked,
focus our heart on our performance verses God’s.

Rocks, left unchecked,
make us feel they will forever stay in our way.

Truly, when we focus on the size of the barrier before us,
we miss the size of our God above us.

When we focus on the obstacle in our way,
we don’t realize that He may have a better way.

When we focus on how we can’t move,
we start to feel like we have something to prove.

God has something better for us.

He has his promises: 

– God is for us. (Romans 8:31)
– God has a plan. (Proverbs. 16:9)
– God’s timing is perfect. (Ecclesiastes. 8:6)
– God renews our strength in a time of wait. (Isaiah 40:31)
– God’s ways are greater than ours. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
– There is no thwarting the purposes of the Lord. (Isaiah 14:27)
– God’s will be done – not our will be done. (Luke 22:42)
– There’s no one who can guide us like God. (James 1:5)
– Rocks in our path prove as opportunities to flex our faith muscles. (Romans 5:4)
– We can wallow in sadness or we can step forward in faith. (Hebrews 11:1)
– We are more than just conquerors in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:37)
– Never was there one victory of the Lord that wasn’t accomplished. (1 Cor. 15:57)
– Nothing holds God back from his purposes. (Proverbs 19:21)
– We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. (Philippians 4:13)
– As we lean on the Lord, he will faithfully guide us in his ways. (Psalm 32:8)
– God can move mountains. (Mark 11:23)

Sometimes the rocks that stand as the biggest barriers – are the rocks where we can best see Jesus.  As we look up to him, he helps us get over them. He comes to our rescue. Where may fall and scrape ourselves a little, but he binds us up – bigger and better than we ever were. He uses the opportunity to grow us.

Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 62:6)

God can move any mountain that stands before us.

He may choose to move it, he may choose to quake it or he may just walk us right over it.

He said to them, “…For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20)

If he wants it gone – it will be gone.  And, if he doesn’t move it, he will pivot us. In the end, we will move towards greater faith, expanded trust and powerful confidence in his ways.

Let’s choose to believe this.
Let’s not give up.
Let’s push on to the goal the Lord has set before us, knowing that God is for us.
If God is for us, who can be against?  

This rock may look like a barrier, but it’s through this rock we will overcome – through the power of Christ who works within.  Whether he leads us over, pivots us, crumbles the mountain or draws us closer to him – choose to cling to him, the solid rock.

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalm 18:2)

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. 

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I am delighted to welcome Abby McDonald
as a guest host for the linkup today.
She brings God’s truth to light in a gentle, yet profound way.  

I take deep breaths in and out, trying to calm the rapid pulse of my heart. It’s no use. My hands shake as I rummage through my purse for lip gloss, trying to silence the voices of defeat. Every five seconds, I look over my shoulder for my husband. Where is he?

When the worship band begins playing, I focus on the words.

Holy Spirit you are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere

Yes, God, yes. Your Spirit will get me through the next five minutes in front of a sea of faces.

I’ve committed to giving my testimony to our church congregation that morning, but as I watch person after person pour into the sanctuary, thoughts of self-doubt and defeat create an endless chatterbox in my mind. What was I thinking? I’m not a public speaker….Continued…

...Read the rest of Abby’s McDonald’s story – and, if you are a blogger, Linkup – at A Fearfully Made Mom. Please click the linkup button at the bottom of her post and it will open up a new tab where you can link.

*Also, be sure to sign up for the #RaRalinkup Prayer Group on Facebook so we can get to know each other more and pray together.

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God calls us deeper – to abandon our heart to Jesus.  To go further and further into his waters of love. Waters that feel like they may overtake us, overwhelm us or overpower us, but still, he calls us there.

I want to go to that depth with him.

I want to see his supernatural power as he prompts me to walk on water.
I want to jump at the chance to walk scary, turbulent distances by faith.
I want to know, the only way to survive is by grabbing hold of his outstretched arm.

This kind of faith-life has been luring me. It has been calling.

And, here – as I plead to go this length – the Lord is faithfully unravelling truth.

Truth that says, “Come, share your heart. To go deeper, you have to let me go deeper.”

If I want to understand the depths of God’s love,
I have to open up the depths of my heart.

If I want to understand the power of his saving love,
I have to offer him the chance to save me.

If I want to see the deep mysteries of God,
I have to let him do deep ministries on me.

It is not about protecting self, it is about dying to self.
This is when we find ourself.

Do you want to go to the depths of love with Jesus?

He stands waiting.
He beckons us through love.
Calls us by grace.

He will share all of who he is, as we share all of who we are.

Enter the water. Enter the depths of his love. Enter into his heart. The one he stands ready to share.

Go deep. Let go of fear, let go of anxiety, let go of frustration, let go of control, let go of shame and grab hold of the heart of God.

What he will reveal to us is not just plain and rehearsed head knowledge of love, but deep and impactful heart knowledge of love.

I want that. Don’t you?

I want that deep unending, unconditional and unbelievable source of love.