At night I put on white noise. I first started this practice for the kids. This way, if friends were over or the TV was on — the kids wouldn’t wake up. But then, I came to like white noise. Now, loud trucks don’t wake me. My husband’s sound as he rolls over doesn’t bother me. Rain is soothing, or at least normally. . .
. . . except for the other night. The other night, the white noise cut off, completely. It felt soul-shocking.
I don’t know if it was because I was half-asleep, groggy, or in a dream, but it almost seemed as if the world as I knew it — shut off. . .
As if the white noise of this world’s hustle, bustle, busy, urgent, voices, words, conflict, people, interruptions, life, needs, habits, requests, and my internal voice — shut off. . .leaving quietness. Nothing. Me.
Will this be what it sounds like when I meet Him? Whereas once my mind ran 1000 minutes/second, it will all cease. And there He will be. Standing. In quietness. Fullness. Looking at me.
I felt bare. Me and Him. Him and me.
Jesus, am I enough for you. Jesus, am I good enough? Will you accept me?
No good theology ever attacks at midnight hours. I’m convinced of this. Come daylight. With this thought on my heart, I randomly flipped open my bible. Landing open, I placed my eyes down and read, “Therefore since we have been made right by God’s sight in faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of highest privilege where we now stand and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.” (Romans. 5:1-2)
It was Christ who died for me and faith that saved me, due to no work of my own. It is Christ that loves me and Christ that wants me, based on no acts of service I accumulate. It is Christ that died for me and it is Christ that will take me home. It is Christ that loves me and Christ that gives me highest privilege to live with peace and joy.
I am more secure in Christ than I ever have been in anything in my entire life (because He did the work and the work is complete).
So on my last breath, when everything shuts off and this world ends, I will rest. Jesus paid it all. . . all to Him I owe.
The same holds true for you, dear child of God. Jesus did everything for you.