Purposeful Faith

How Does God Respond When His People Want to Die?

Blog Post by Abby McDonald

Sometimes it’s easier to be a spectator. When there’s an event or tragedy making headlines and getting lots of attention in the media, that’s often what I am. I sit back and read other writers’ words. I nod and silently say, “Amen.”

But over the last weeks following the suicide of two well-known celebrities, I knew I needed to contribute more than hushed acknowledgement. I watched others speak up about their own experiences with depression and bravely tell their stories, and God stirred my soul.

I know what it’s like to be in that space where you dread waking up.

To look out the window and try to feel anything other than the slow nothingness engulfing you. After having my first child, there were days I couldn’t wait to crawl into bed and slip into the abyss of sleep.

Last week I read words from a courageous one who voiced a truth most of us don’t hear very often: Someone can love Jesus but still want to die. And I applaud her for it. These are the types of conversations more of us need to have.

Days after I read her story, its points still circled my mind and I found myself wondering, “Why do we so often want to remain silent about our own darkness?” The autopilot part of me knows the answer. People who love Jesus aren’t supposed to want to take their own lives, right? They’re supposed to have faith that can heal and a spirit that finds peace in his presence, right?

Yes, these things are possible. God is able. But they aren’t always the rule. And the thought in my mind days after I read another sojourner’s words was, “Even some prophets dealt with this darkness.”

Want to see for yourself? Elijah and Jonah, who were both servants of the Lord and heard directly from him, stated they wanted to die. (See 1 Kings 19 and Jonah 4)

These were men who not only thought about dying, but openly told God they wanted to.

These were men who God chose specifically to speak to and use. He trusted them and set them apart in generations filled with people who worshiped idols, bowed to Baals and turned to everything but him to find fulfillment.

They were not far from God, but vessels of his message. They transformed lives and brought hope. At the point they stated their anguish, they had seen God perform the miraculous. Fire from heaven at Elijah’s word. For Jonah, the nation of Ninevah transformed from vile acts of brutality to repentance.

And yet, they wanted to die.

Now, I’m not going to go into the details surrounding each man’s journey. But if we read their stories, we see one was afraid of a crazy king’s wife and the other was angry. Their desire to die stemmed from very different emotions.

What I want to talk about today isn’t their reasons, but God’s response. Because there are many who think God turns away from these types of feelings and cries of despair. And I’m here to tell you he doesn’t.

So how did God respond? Did he chastise them? Turn away and cast them into hell? Hide his face and let them wander in darkness?

Not even close. Here are three ways God responds when his followers want to die:

  1. He comes to them in their need and allows them to rest.

God does not turn away from his children. He doesn’t yell, “How dare you say such a thing!” or act as though he can’t believe one of his own followers is making such a bold statement. In Elijah’s distress, he sends an angel to him with food and water. He lets him sleep and prepare for the long journey ahead. Once he’s had time to regain his strength, he follows him to Mount Horeb. To Jonah he provides shade and eases his discomfort. And although he later takes the plant away to illustrate a point to Jonah, he doesn’t leave him.

  1. He gets to the heart of the matter.

God doesn’t shy away from what’s really going on in these men’s hearts. He asks questions. He sees the things they’re not saying or asking. To Elijah he asks, “What are you doing here?” (1 Kings 19:9) and to Jonah he asks, “Is it right for you to be angry?” (Jonah 4:4) God already knows the answer to these questions. He wants the men whose hearts he’s after to see what he sees.

  1. He listens.

God doesn’t interrupt these prophets or cut them off as they’re explaining how they’ve arrived at this place. Once again, he knows the answer. In Elijah’s case, he knows he mistakenly believes he’s the only follower left. But he still lets him speak. He lets him say these words he’s been holding onto as he traveled through the wilderness thinking there was no one left to serve God.

Sometimes the journey through the wilderness is what prepares us to receive the truth.

Friend, I don’t know where you are today. I don’t know if you’re fighting through darkness or if you’re standing firm in a place of victory today. But can I tell you God sees you, no matter what? He doesn’t turn away from those places you keep buried.

God doesn’t stand in disbelief at statements like the ones from Elijah and Jonah. He comes close. He reaches through the gap. When we hurt, he hurts.

Talk to him today. Even if you don’t think he hears, talk to him anyway. He’s is right there and is waiting for you to reach for him.

***IF YOU WANT TO DIE and do not know what to do: There is a way of escape. It is simple. Choose to let go of your life right now — in a spiritual way. No, this does NOT mean you kill yourself physically. It means you pray this prayer:

God, I don’t know what to do. I admit to you I want to die. I am at the end of myself. I make mistakes, I sin, I do what is wrong. I hate aspects of myself. With this, I let go to you. I ask you, Jesus, to come into my heart and life as Savior and Deliverer. I admit that you are Lord. I allow you to have lordship in my life. Take over. I ask the Holy Spirit to come into my heart now. I, by receiving you, accept your forgiveness. I am now dead to sin and alive to Christ Jesus. I thank you that what my heart was really searching for — was you. I am a child of God now.  You will lead me in all things. You will help me. I come with new hope now. Thanks to you, Jesus.

If you already know Jesus as Lord, consider this prayer:

“Father, please resurrect hope in my life. Please open my eyes to see you and to know your love. Please carry me in this hour where I don’t know where to go forward. Please preserve, keep and shepherd my life. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

A great resource for you is Fresh Hope for Mental Health.

 

Abby McDonald is the mom of three, a wife and writer whose hope is show readers their identity is found in Christ alone, not the noise of the world. When she’s not chasing their two boys or cuddling their newest sweet girl, you can find her drinking copious amounts of coffee while writing about her adventures on her blog. Abby would love to connect with you on her blog and her growing Facebook community.

 

 

 

 

If you need to talk or you know somebody struggling, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text with someone at the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.


      

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  • Look I’ve had 52 years of a bad life and god doesn’t love all his children.
    It’s not about having money I’ll never be rich but I get by.
    Life can be a bad dream for some of us. I didn’t ask to be born I didn’t ask for this life
    I’m not looking to be saved. I would like not to be here.
    I’m just a ugly guy wishing he was dead. Gods joke me he could of made me into anything
    but this. We can’t change how we are built I look in the mirror and scream GOD WHY
    There is no reason for me to be here I wish I where dead and I pray endlessly for god to take me back,I don’t want this life in this body….

      • I must disagree with you, God says in his word that very few will enter the gates of Heaven. Even those who cry Lord Lord…. Jesus says he will not know us…. Not everyone will be forgiven of sin, only a selected few according to his word. My second observation is the fact that so many beg God and hear nothing in return, even over many years of searching. This brings me to believe most of us who believe are probably lying to ourselves when we say God loves us or God loves all. I am unsure as to why we will have been left behind and sent to hell.

      • So if you have a baby and he’s screaming his head off blood dripping from where it got it’s mouth hasn’t eaten in days and is just all around suffering, your just going to say “don’t worry your father loves you” don’t post if you don’t know what your talking about. I do know, and I suffer IMMENSELY AND DAILY. And turns out its not our fault BUT THE CHURCHES! Jesus said from those who have little, little will be expected; to those who have much, MUCH will be expected. And no it’s not money he references. It’s EVERYTHING. Including those blessed with peace and joy. You take it for granted and tell those suffering that GOD loves you. I got news for you it was Jesus who said those who come to you in hungry and thirsty with no place to rest their heads and you say to them “go in peace” IS SIN! We have demons and we want them gone! But the church has failed us. Where can we find someone to cast these things out of us? All we see are people telling us GOD loves us… To all my brothers and sisters in Christ suffering in here, I am sorry. I am suffering immensely with you. We can not seem to get the Lord to heal us no matter how much we repent and pray, neither do we have the strength to get outta bed most days. And “GOD’S people” all they do is commit the sin Jesus said NOT to do. “GOD loves you, go in peace” ya well, if I die today owell. And all my brothers and sisters suffering. It’s not your fault. The church failed. All we can do is hope on one of 3 things. We die, Jesus heals us, or Jesus returns. But no one in the church will cast out your demon. They will just tell you GOD loves you. We are alone. But the only good news I have is we made it further on our walk then these people did on theirs. We are feeling the sin of this fallen world. These other People claiming to live for GOD do not even notice it. They just walk around self righteously telling EVERYONE GOD loves them and power through church on Sundays. Besides that they live their lives THE EXACT SAME! We whom have seeked diligently, GOD revealed what the sin of the world has done to our spirits. And theirs not one righteous person left to cast them out. Lord, your people suffer. For thy mercies sake please take pity on us we are IN AGONY!!!

    • Oh my I am in ur same shoes. I love God and he has a plan for all of us . I do t know what it is but I am still waiting. My life is crappy and I am with a narsatistic person. I just work hard and wait for God to give me the sign to move on.

  • I am sure you are fine. Don’t feel this way its your thinking I do the same thing I just lost my husband of 12 years I want to die but we have to keep god 1st. He will open doors. Send me a pic k

  • Yes me too. Sometimes I just dared God this question..why did you create people like us who not only give up on a stuck life but actually tired of existing. I dont mean to sound negative but this type of suffering is not gonna change because a lot of us just cant figure out how to or why anymore. We dont even understand why we had to go through it tirelessly trying to not fail. Its a joke

  • I am been a Christian for more than a year. I read Bible daily and often, and pray to God daily. I lost my job as a sole bread winner about a year ago. My expense is high and I do not what to do. I cried to God for help to open doors for me. The fact is I do not see any door really opens for more than a year.

    I see beautiful and encouraging words from the Bible but I have yet to see the deed and the truth in the words. I’m really stuck in life and I don’t know what to do. I am tired of this world and I cried to God to take me away, while I’m worried for my family and how they survive when I’m not here.

    Where is God when I most need Him? I want to love Him, trust Him, and have faith in Him. But where is God when I most need Him? I seek Him with all my heart, and yet I don’t feel I’ve found Him. Yet I don’t feel He is beside me.

    I really hope God is really there for me…. as I hope and hope and hope. God, help me…show me that you’re real and you love me. Any advice for me will be welcomed.

    • I am going through a similar if not exact situation you are. And I hope by now my comment doesn’t apply to you and you’ve found God in your storm. I don’t have much to say but to have complete faith in him! He is God of the universe. Sometimes we. Don’t understand why we go through things or when they will end we just have to trust in what his word says. That he will never leave nor forsake us. And that ALL things work out for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose. I don’t why I’m going through what I’m going through I’m not perfect but I know that when I come out of this the character, faith and trust that’s being built in me will be worth it. I rather go through turmoil on this earth and come out of the fire as gold then give up on God right before my breath through and live a life of sin and spend an eternity away from God in hell. Just keep your faith and keep pressing toward Christ! It will all work out ❤️

    • God is there. And I am in the same boat. Looking for answers but I know when I really need him he will be there. My life is really bad but for now I deal with it and kn ow G
      od is watching over me

      • Perhaps God is just as involved in each life, as he is with the molecules. Those appear to attract and react, as if they have no purpose just going with the flow. They pay no attention to the others nor compare themselves. Maybe all the scripture is to assist us to having a mind similar in thought. He made it all. We just observe wonder and live in awe. Nothing less. Nothing more. This helps me, at least.

    • Hi Albert. I am going through something similar now. Please let me know, did things work out for you and your family?

    • God has his own timing remember 1 year is like 1 minute to him, pray, fast, give him praise he will always provide if you lean on him. When you feel your lowest put praise music on and.praise its hard but so so powerful especially whem you feel your worst.
      Im praying.for you brother

    • Albert, I felt the same way and guess what He worked a miracle for me. Against all the odds he gave me the A I so desperately needed when I was about to fail. This may sound like a little to you but back then I used to think my life’s purpose was to make my parents proud of me and a hit to my GPA would make me unable to attend college. I am so grateful and everyday I give thanks to the Lord. 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Believe with all your heart and He will answer. Without this test of faith I never would have begun my journey of faith trough Jesus Christ.

  • I seek God yet he is no where to be found. I hate my life. Everything that can go wrong has went wrong. I haven’t worked in years because I was unable to find work. I decided to back to school and now I have debt and still can’t find work. I need two surgeries and my husband just left me. I’m really depressed and have no friends or family to depend on. I just want to die. Why keep living? I have absolutely no reason to exist. My life is like some cruel joke.

    • I’m really sorry to hear that.
      As for me, I think the day I die will be such a relief. Honestly, I can’t get there quickly enough 🙁
      But God loves us. There is meaning in all suffering?

    • Im so sorry that your going through this and you feel alone. I do not habe the answer as to why but it does remind me of Job in the bible
      He suffered so much and was a honest godly man and he lost everything not because thats what god wanted because of the enemy. He even had his friends accuse him of living a sinful life to justify all that happened to him.
      Know that your not alone and lean on gods every word he does care,
      It will get better we have to keep faith x
      And when you pray , pray in jesus name

  • To Alberto, Laura, and Just tired.
    Everytime you feel sad or depress, pickup your Bible and read it and then pray. You have to put your problem in God’s hands and let him handle the problems for you. And do not take the problems back. He will take care of them. He still has you here for a reason. Make sure you thank him every day for all he has done for you, and praise him often. Continue reading your Bible and praying everyday weather things are going good are bad. Believe me he will answer you. God answers our prayers on his time and not ours. Maybe he is testing your faith. God bless you all, and please stay strong.

    • Try saying God has “a reason ” to people blind from birth, children with leukaemia, schizophrenic people in a mental hospital. Ask them to read the bible everyday and smile to themselves thinking everything will be alright.

      • I would rather be blind from birth and to turn to the Lord in my time of need than to be rich and perfect and never turn to the Lord. He is our source of happiness we love because He loved us first. I am thankful for my past suffering. And not only this but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us

  • I believe anyone can come to God as they are … you just have to have an open heart you have to desire him but to desire him is to give up your lifes treasures what you treasure the most …you will experience God peace if you let him come into your life that’s the only way to except him because why except him if we will have one foot in the door you have to ask him in prayer to help you to do his will. but on our part we have to agree with him and desire his ways to live in the bible it is a true way to really get to know him and experience his love for you he speaks to us through the bible but for us to love him we have to get to know him he reveals to us who desire him and want to know him and we have to keep ourselves away from the impurity lifestyle we can’t reach or stay close to him that way ….if you really desire a new relationship with him and really will devote yourself for the rest of your life then if you have trouble doing this or any doubt then you can say a prayer alone in your room and ask God sincerely from your heart that you need him and ask for forgiveness for your past sins then ask what you need to do next and wait for an answer he may respond with bringing a person to you to go to a church like he did me or may use family members to help you get through the obstacles in your life but your job is to LISTEN to them like I had too.they will guide you at times what you may to work on or what needs removing in your life you may feel awkward because you may start doing things you dont normally do in sin or bad things might start happening because the enemy the devil likes to persuade you to sin but quickly ask God to help you to rid that but at the same time you will also have a desire to know more about God word and the more you desire it and live for it the more you will desire God’s present and less of what you desire which is the fleshly things just keep hope in always staying connected to him in all areas of your life whether bad not going your way or good when all is well just remind yourself that once your enter a relationship with God you desire less sin and a more desire to please him it’s not easy to be a Christian but you can be rest assured that no matter what you are going through he will be there for you….you just have to ask him and he will answer you if you are sincere you have to be honest with God and to yourself and to others and always be humble when you come to him.in all areas of your life ….you can surely count on him…he will never let you down. Here is a tip be thankful to him he likes that. I hope you like this thanks!!

    • Marla, I wish that find God in your life, have peace with God and the fact that God only cares about God’s glory. I’ve been asking God for 40 years and only ever receive silence. I cry because of God’s absence in my existence. Without God getting directly involved (actually doing something) this existence isn’t worth the misery. I reach out to God everyday, and everyday is meet with silence. Why are we supposed to do everything and God does nothing. I gave myself to Jesus 40 years ago, nothing but misery since. Not one peep from God. I am on my second full day of complete fasting (no food or water). I plan to continue till God answers me. Bet I die before God does anything. As far as I am concerned God needs to act. God Bless You because He won’t bless me.

  • I am 24 years old. I have a 2 yr old child. I just want to die. It’s so hard being a single mom. I grow up without a father and I never wanted that for my child. My emotions or so out of control. Right now am hating my child because I want my old life back I just want to be free.

    • Shanice,
      I know it has been a while since you posted. I hope things are going better for you. Please, allow me to tell you of my experience, maybe it will help:

      I was you–almost 50 years ago. I was left alone with a baby. I did what everyone said I should be doing, even my mother told me to do; yet, after I got pregnant, there was no one there. It was traumatic for me to end up pregnant, since I always thought that I should wait until marriage but was opposed in this view.

      I felt like this was a death sentence to me and was only eighteen years old and knew nothing about raising a child, especially on my own. I wanted a husband so that we could raise a child together but ended up all alone.

      I wish I could turn back time, because what I found out in time was that that period in my life was a blessing; yet, I did not enjoy it, always looking for a husband or family so that I would not be alone. I felt very incompetent.

      If I could do it again, of course I would wait until marriage but did not know that then (I became a Christian later.) Nevertheless, given the exact circumstances, since you cannot undo what is done, I would enjoy my child to the fullest, and I would not even be concerned about how to find a husband. That can come later in its own time if God wills.

      It can be very difficult to be married to someone with another man’s child. I also did this later, and it did not go well. As a result, I lost out on the time I could have had with my daughter and lost out on raising her and teaching her without distraction and abuse. I, and she, missed out.

      Now, she is gone and wants nothing to do with me. I have not had the opportunity to know my only grandchild, and the man who abused me and left us is in communication with my daughter and grandchild.

      Yes, I would to things differently. Please, enjoy your child. Put yours and your child’s safety and wellbeing first under the sheltering of God through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ.

      Not everything is rosy on the other side of someone else’s fence.

      Please give yourself permission to enjoy your and your child’s life.

      I really pray that some of these words help you.

      In sincerity,

      A Friend who had been there.

    • Hi Shanice,

      How are you? I hope all is well now? If you need someone to talk to and don’t mind connecting, I would be happy to speak and pray for you.

      Lots of love,
      A sister in the Lord

  • I have most of my life been unloved and used. I pray, cry out to my Lord. I am so tired of being tired and alone. I beg God, I don’t feel alone I am alone. Tired of begging taking leftovers and scraps. Tired of being a nothing.

    • I have been in a dark place too, where I felt unloved and alone. I hated myself and I asked God, “Why Me”. I wished I could see Jesus, feel Him physically and I realized I could feel Him. I could feel His presence, He was there with me. I suffered with the Lord, I thought about Jesus when He was crucified and He called, “Father, why have You forsaken me”. But we will never feel that pain of being forskaen by God, Jesus died for us, He experienced that pain to make preparation for our sins and so we never would have to. I consoled myself with knowing that the Last will be first in te Kingdom of Heaven. I love you and so does Jesus. Take care and BELIEVE.

  • I think the problem for most of us in our disappointment with God is that we have never experienced authentic community like the first few hundred years of Christianity, and that we have yet to understand the Bible is not some magic wand that if we just read it enough, pray with it enough, speak it enough supernatural events will occur. To the latter, the Bible seems to be more God acting in history to show the coming of the Messianic figure and therefore all its miracles, events, etc, are setting that up and then proving He was legitimate. So a lot of those miracle type things probably won’t happen anymore. But after He came, notice that the early ekklesias (churches) were often meeting one another’s needs on a daily basis. Rich believers sold their possessions and helped minister to the poor among them. People that could cook, cooked. People that had land or houses let other believers meet in those places. They did this because they were coming to ‘love’ one another selflessly, the greatest miracle of all. I don’t want to over idealize it, but most of us have never experienced that kind of daily interaction/community because we’ve grown up in a culture where the church is something you do or go to ‘x’ times a week and not who you are and are a part of moment by moment. The church for us is an information dump telling us three steps to this and five steps to that, but not a place where people come and spend hours of face to face time interacting, sharing, discussing, praying, helping. It’s come and sit on a pew/chair, face the front, sing songs by people we’ve never met (and thus can’t identify with their faces), listen to thirty plus minutes of sin management or pep talk or guilt trip, mindlessly give money and then go about our way, hardly interacting with anyone outside the place. It sets up a filtered view of who God is and how He meets needs. We are too individualistic and I think that’s why we suffer at some level. For those of you going through the ringer and the fire…I know, I’m there too. I’m not going to sugarcoat it and say just ‘pray’ more or ‘confess’ more or ‘read’ more. You’ve been doing all of those things. I’m not going to say just hang in there. Your spiritual fingers are cracked and calloused from doing just that. That would not be pouring oil and wine into your wounds to bind them up…but acid, burning them more and deeper. I’m just going to say let go of your expectations as to what and how you think God ‘meets’ needs and pray that God help you find authentic community where you can be helped, loved, and also help and love others. That’s what I’m seeking. I will also say that your suffering can change you for the better…and that’s why it hurts. Make no bones about it. Jesus said if you wanted to follow him there were going to be times it was tough as hell because that’s what this world is: the doorstep of hell. I feel for all of you but even if I could I wouldn’t change your situation (save for physical help like feeding you or paying a bill for you) totally: I want to see what God is up to in all of this myself…all this human suffering that He also endured…where does this all lead?

  • Is not about want to die is I just dont want to be here the pain the sadnees is to much of god exist I want to be with him

  • I have severe mental illness issues. I’m not in a good place. My meds aren’t working anymore. I feel used and abandoned. I want God to take me home. I’ve lost 12 people in a year and a half. I’m so depressed I just don’t want to go on anymore. I’m tired. I’m just giving up. I want to go to pass peacefully in my sleep.

    • Hey dee
      Sorry your going through this, bless you
      Its hard i know trust in god and keep faith ask god to intervene in your life, and pray for healing.
      Prayers that being healing by John Eckhartd is a good book.
      Lord please bless Dee and help her though this hardship, shes lost alot of people and feels abandoned and lost jesus. I asking for you to fill that gap and to remove the depression and anxiety she is feeling and remind her lord exactly who you are and what you are capable of! I also pray for healing lord please direct her feet in the right path and surround her by your love and support
      In jesus name amen

  • I’m a Christian I want to die I want to go home and be with Jesus I just don’t want to be here anymore I want to go to a place where I am loved and there no pain no worries no stress and peaceful

    • I agree David. Life is so hard. I don’t know how to be a person, to love others. I just want to die. I pray to God to take me because I’m not brave enough to do it myself and when I did try it didn’t work.

      • Thats because jesus loves you and hes not ready for you to leave this world, even though this is a cruel world we are blessed.to live.
        Pray and ask god for forgiveness for attempting this i have had to do the same. Lean on his.word, read and meditate on God,fast and have faith.
        2 books i recommend prayers that bring healing
        And prayers that route demons(powerful prayers taken from scripture) both by John Evkhardt.
        I am praying for you sister
        Bless you in the name of jesus.

  • I want to die because I can’t take the constant hate. Yes,it’s racial. I love Jesus with everything I have,but I can’t take this anymore. No, I’m not black nor white. I have friends who are Christian’s make race statements. In church,too. Unless, it’s directed at you,you will never understand. I stay in my home because I can’t even take a walk in my own neighborhood. I once had someone try to run over me. I’m half white,half Japanese in the bible belt. When 911 happened,people thought I was middle eastern and it was horrible. Worse time in my life! Now with this coronavirus from China…well you know how people feel. Jesus has never left my side and I know that. I just want to be with Him and like one person stated where there is love. It’s not just the whites who are hateful, but it’s the blacks,too. You can’t claim to be a Christian and say “I’m not prejudice because I have a black friend “or visa versa. It’s not black and white anymore. You can’t claim to be a Christian if you have a tiny speck of hate in your heart. The only one who understands is Jesus and I want to be with Him.

  • I feel like the world would be a better place without me in it. I have stuffed my life up to the point that it probably won’t ever get better again. Let people walk all over me, stand up for myself and suffer the consequences. In a relationship where the guy constantly taking my money, lies, cheats and hurts me on a regular basis. Tells me my family hate me. Have a job where they always remind you that you can be replaced no matter how hard you work. Feel very alone wish that God would strike me down as life is one disappointment after the next. Probably only any good for spare parts (organ donation)

    • Hi Debra, Feel exactly the same ,a Christian a long time, Evangelist and fully serving God in church and mercy ministry but i hate living and suffer with horrendous depression every day FOR 5 YEARS four suicide attempts among that period. I beg God to kill me and if he does not soon I will do it, I think it is cruel for God to let me EXIST like this really really cruel no healing in sight, So I fully understand all the bloggers in despair death is the only way for peace .

  • just breathe – put on EWTN, watch and read edifying things…..drink water, sleep enough, walk some, or stretch, find one thing to be greatful for (even if it is breathing)….learn a few quick prayers or verses – fill your mind – it will sink to your heart.

    We don’t know the big picture but have to have HOPE that there is a reason we are all here, at this point in time. Just like Jesus choice a certain point in time to break into history. He suffered more than we will ever understand or know – but He said “PIck up your Cross and follow Me” — that alone gives us hope that HE KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS all that we endure – He is our Big Brother who paved the path for us to Eternal bliss — just keep following (even if feel blind) – H,e’s there –
    and remember He respects our free Will – so you need to be the one to open your Heart & Mind & Soul to Him – “Jesus I Trust in You”. He LOVES YOU…

  • I had a terrible childhood; all I ever wanted was my own home and family. I had six kids. Sometimes life was hard, but we worked hard and raised them with love. Now I am old, have terrible back injuries, and our kids are living happily without us. Our old house needs major repair done and we have no help. I have prayed for 10 years for someone and God hasn’t answered. I hoped my son would help but he is using drugs again! It hurts to have sacrificed so much for your kids, and have them just walk away and not care if we live or die. My husband and I live in constant physical pain; the loneliness hurts even worse. We.need to have our house fixed! Please God, I just want to die. It hurts so bad. Why are kids so ungrateful? We need help. We miss our grandkids so much too.

    • Laurel,
      I am praying for you now. I hear the hurt you are in. Physical pain, loneliness, real practical issues. The God of the universe see you too. Do you know Jesus, as your Lord & Savior? I wish I could be there to fix your house. If it we’re possible my wife and I could have you over and talk, enjoy a meal together. My wife & I are Both 48 and Going through an impossible complex trial. It’s really painful. We have cried out to God and are waiting to see Him answer the promises He makes to His children. I’ll be praying for you in the coming days!

  • I am not useful to anyone . I don’t knw the purpose of being here in this life. I am not a good father, son and husband.

    I don’t have friends or family to who atleast think I do any useful. Should I live still ?

  • Yeah I’m not suicidal but I’m ready to go..I have worked hard for a better life but I feel cursed..just ready to check out of this physical and emotional pain

    • I hear u.Eric. This is me too. Not suicidal just wish this life would end now. I had a bad marriage for almost 30years n i stuck it through for my sons. One day after too much abuse i decided to quit. Divorce should be through within next 2 months yet i began process in January. Covid came n lock down made things worse. Imagine during lock down i fell in love. The guy is just such a blessing but he is married n i can’t do that. M so torn. I believe i shouldn’t be here. I’m tired of the loneliness. A house full of people n i was so lonely that i moved out. N i.can’t seem to find joy in my life. I can’t find happiness. Just depression. My job doesn’t even comfort me anymore. I pray that God comes through n saves me from living an empty life. I really don’t want to be here anymore. God forgive me

  • The Bible is about men written by men. Women do not and should not feel bound by this fairytale book that tells stories about men. There is no God. God doesn’t feel people’s pain. If it were true then a “good and loving” God would take the pain away. This whole world is a world just for males. It sucks. The Bible sucks. The god in the Bible sucks and it’s all about males. This human can’t wait for death. I hope I never have to be in some other world work males.

  • I dont think hell fire is a place. It isn’t a firey pit. It is a point in your life where you’re left alone to suffer. And this is what I thinknow God means when he said: “you will beg for death, but it will not come.”
    I’m only 16. I’m not ready for all the sadness my life is filled with. I am the most disgraceful human being on the planet, yet I don’t smoke, do drugs, date, commit crimes, etc. I’m just the son my parents never wished for. Sometimes I think of myself as a punishment for something my parents might have done in their past or something. Because there’s no way I’m just so much of a burden, and yet I cannot just die in my sleep and end my suffering. I can’t run away. And I can’t change and be a perfect child for more than a day without making a dumb mistake. I don’t want to wake up. My greatest wishits is that I sleep one night, and I do not wake up ever again. I want my parents to cry for a week or so, then forget about it and feel free. There is no more Chisom to make you regret giving birth. There is no more Chisom to disgrace the family, or get bad grades, or “raise his voice at you”, or anything. You can enjoy your life. My siblings will grow, and make you happy. They will become rich and buy you a mansion. They are the pefect kids, you should see them. Intellegent, social, every thing I am not. There is no purpose for my existence other than to be a burden. The day God lets me die, is the day my family will thank God and find peace.

    • Chrisom, it is painful to read your post. My heart breaks. I do not have words for all that you have going on. But, my heart does reach out to yours. I pray that you can know the unconditional love of a good Father, Father God. Do you know Jesus? He will cover, fill and uplift you in ways your family never can. I would love to talk to you more about this.

    • Chisom,
      I understand how you feel as I went through similar feelings growing up. I am a gay man and that is how God created me. Both my parents have passed on. My dad never accepted me and I never saw him the last 27 years of his life, he never even liked me. Mom on the other hand was an angel from heaven and although she didn’t completely accept me, we were very close. Imperfect is the way I describe us humans. Go forward with YOUR life as YOU need to and make the best life you can for yourself and hopefully someone you love. If anyone including your parents let you feel that you are the son they never wished for, then you need to move on and surround yourself with a chosen family that will love you as you are. Each one of us is unique and special. I have suffered a great deal of sadness in my life but I know that God loves me and I know He loves you. We may not find the answer to why we suffer until God answers that directly to us when we are in heaven. If I could ever give any valuable advice it would be this: Please don’t EVER give up on God. He is with you always and hurts when you hurt, God wants you to be happy. Ask God to take over your life, surrender to God. That may sound easy or silly or whatever but when you get to the lowest point and cannot make it anymore and you surrender to God and invite him into your body and soul and mind, He will help you. It may mean just a real long restful sleep, or a break that day when you didn’t expect it or someone saying something nice to you that lifted your day. Try to recognize the kindnesses that people share with you and you will see God working in your life. I wish for you a great life guy and hope that things will get better for you. God Bless you!

  • So what is the answer. I am almost eighty. My sweet husband of almost 53 years has Alzheimer’s and fighting cancers. All military related. My once happy and full of love Home is empty. Everything has been taken away and I cannot understand it. Even a simple thing like eating, results in pain. Churches are now closed. We are alone, home bound. The loneliness is ……what, how do I describe it? I live because my husband needs me. I dread what is ahead for him. Watching him die slowly. He is here physically but the beautiful man I marriedis gone. Basically silent 24 hours a day. All my loving family has moved on without us and I do not understand why. I live in a retired park and see all the empty looking mobiles that surround me. I see them like giant coffins just wait for death to come. It is so painfully slow. I cannot concentrate to read, TV is off due to all the misery and evil it spews out. I know God is here, but why does he feel so far away. I look for comfort via religion and it has become one big money making joke. When churches were opened people left all their love at the church steps till the following day of worship. And to boot, the funniest of all is the church burnt down!!!!! How long will it continue this way. I pray for peace of mind. Strength to go on, but troubles seem unending. Stuff totally out of our control. I also pray for God’s mercy that my loved one and I leave together and whatever mode of death comes that it will be quickly. Dying in one’s sleep is truly a blessing that falls to only a very few group of people. Why, oh why, does God allow this world to continue in the state that it is in? When is Jesus going to fulfill His promise and come back for us? I long for death, or just peace of mind under my circumstances. I don’t desire wealth, not anything that belongs to this world. I only want peace of mind under the worse of circumstances, or give me death. Where tell me is God in all this?

    • Hi my lovely friend. I have no words to say except my thoughts are now with you constantly. Am 60 and sometimes have that feeling of not wanting to be around. I love God and whilst we all have trials in life, there are many who’s trials are just endless yet they’re told God has a plan for their lives and also have to endure constantly hearing about their sins and how they’ll be punished forever if they aren’t saved or believe in God even if they have the biggest softest heart in the world. A person can do bad all their life, then at their death bed give their life to God and be saved, whilst a person who’s done good most of their life will suffer forever if they don’t believe. What about the millions who’ve been raised in a way to not believe and also go through trials most of their life or the millions who aren’t mocking God, they just genuinely don’t know if there’s a God, what happens to them. God is real an am certain he won’t punish anyone who simply doesn’t know or not had the word revealed to them. Stay blessed. Best wishes

  • you are so right i pray to God every night to die in my sleep i beg him to let me die in my sleep from being molested when i was a child to beat on by a 2 by 4 ..

  • Hello Lost,

    I am sorry for the pain and suffering you are going through. I know it sounds strange but reading your words, show me what a beautiful and caring soul you are. The world we live in today has changed in general for the worst, I agree completely with you. You say you are married 53 years. If it’s any source of comfort, I bet most of that time had more good memories than bad. Try and keep them in mind. Believe me, I envy you that you lived in more caring, civilised times when there was more respect and love for each other. I’m 44 and seen the disintegration of this world especially in the last 20 years. Unfortunately, I disintegrated as a person in that time too. I lost my way, my soul you could say. All my fault due to bad decision making. In a good way I envy your beautiful soul. I wish you nothing but comfort, hope and blessings.Try and keep strong BEAUTIFUL SOUL. The world is blessed for having you in it.

  • I just lost my beautiful 29 year old son suddenly 2-16-20. I lost my mom to suicide at 21 and my dad to colon cancer 15 years ago. The pain of losing a child is indescribable. Im not mad at God. I just want to go to Heaven to be with my son. I cry every day.

    • I guess from reading we are all battling something and life is so hard I lost my mom to Lung Cancer .Watched her die like a animal and 15 years later I still Just want to die and be with her .Im 41 and met my husband when I was 36 and we can’t have children and it breaks my heart just had 3 failed IVF rounds I have no purpose Please god take me.I tell my husband just to leave I will never be happy without a child to love All my dreams shattered..

  • Hearing everyone’s stories makes my heart go out to each of you, I now know too that I’m not the only one feeling this way. I woke the other morning feeling like all I could do was to breathe. I don’t want to wake, get up or do anything else. I also think of dying & wanting the Lord to return quickly. With all the pain & suffering in this world, my own life too since the day I was born. I pray, stay close to God, read my Bible, but I still feel this way & like there is nothing I can do about the things in my family’s life that are so wrong. It hurts so much. :(…….

  • Hearing everyone’s stories makes my heart go out to each of you, I now know too that I’m not the only one feeling this way. I woke the other morning feeling like all I could do was to breathe. I don’t want to wake, get up or do anything else. I also think of dying & wanting the Lord to return quickly. With all the pain & suffering in this world, my own life too since the day I was born. I pray, stay close to God, read my Bible, but I still feel this way & like there is nothing I can do about the things in my family’s life that are so wrong. It hurts so much. 💔

  • LOL, God listens or he entirely forsakes mankind. Most people pray to God in times of need and most if NOT all the time he forsakes them. Only a few people have faith in religion or “God”. Evil and greedy people prosper all the time. If there is “God”, he will not reward evil, unless he/she is evil. Btw, I am not an atheist.

  • I just read many of these comments here. I was hoping to found a comment that would end this feeling of wanting to die. I think maybe I’m just not trying hard enough to wait on God. God is slow. But I also feel like I need to find a place in the bible that is the answer just for me. I’ve had a hard time all my life. I won’t be specific but I sometimes don’t feel I belong or loved or even likable. So I went online to find some answers to what I should do next. I feel like nobody really wants to die, they just want to get out of the pain they’re in. That what I feel for myself. At this point, I just want to be able to take care of myself. But not being able to do that on my own, I feel stuck. Because I can live without friendship, been doing that most of my life. My family is growing away from me. And although I wished I wasn’t born, I’m here and I just want some peace. Some days I hate everything and some days I want things to change. Right now, I just want to run away from where I am to find that peace I so need. So my quest is to find the prayer I need to pray to God to help me find peace. I’m afraid to die. I don’t know what’s on the other side of that. If I did, I would go to death. I just don’t know why I still here.

  • I feel the same. God is there for other people but not for me. From my childhood I was rejected by my parents, sexually molested, my brothers and sisters hated me. Really crappy children and as a result I see myself as this ugly thing that should even being born.
    I have being trying so hard to be a child of God, but He is so distant. My life is falling apart, I lost my job at age 55, because I am a white person. I have absolute nobody I can turn to. I must sell my house now, and again I’m losing everything. I have a daughter but she doesn’t care. Her family is her husband and kids. I want to tell my heart… start beating again… live… love… enjoy life. But it is impossible.

  • Everyday I try to just come to a place of just being happy. Nobody wants me to just be at peace. I have had someone to totally hurt me and they just couldn’t bring themselves into just leaving me totally alone i did stay out of the way and raised my kids alone without the extra help and struggle. Now that I am grown over 35 and seeing that my kids need a leader they want to quit school and I went back to show them how easy life can be with them knowing the knowledge is best they trying I am gonna always be there to show them a better route to continue to hold they head up pray and love god. I am a mistake and I can not tell myself that I ain’t. I want a life to where I am not bothering others who I feel hate me in some way. So many other peoples is helping those who know that I ain’t worth god punishing them or seeing the faults they have done towards someone like me. I have been on watch for 72 hours four different times. And my next step is leaving my kids desserted so others can be ok with that me “the problem” is gone forever. I have nobody who can just see and listen to me and allow them to just know I’m not “a problem” but someone else is towards me so giving up is what I can only have as a idea.
    I have read what you said and I love it! I cried uncontrollably when I just listen to myself reading what you have stated. I am amazed I did it again and this time I didn’t cry. I am typing some of the abuse I went thru and what I am Listening to or have listen to and started back feel very down. I just want to stay away from totally everybody until I have to go and talk to someone who is concerned about my kids regardless of what it is but only the ones who is they doctor teacher or have legal rights of which who need me to help them to support they decision about what ever the matter is at the time. I’m sorry for being a woman who isn’t quite loving life right now and depressed. And still forced to listen to who ever this is tryna make me not focus on what I want to say in this comment.
    I want to thank you for this article of true advice. And when i am in a shadow of despair i will come back to it and read it again until i feel as if god himself is my only to hear my thought..if no one told you i want to tell you..I LOVE YOU

  • I just don’t think you can understand the darkness/despair of chronic pain, negative bank balance again&children struggling this way and that..You had a very tough time but I look at your picture, granted no one really is totally the person they put forward on social media etc., but you look functioning. I don’t feel like I could pull that off plus I’ve had years upon years upon piles and piles of suffering yet I know that there many blessings around me…I need to look for them, of course but my point is you lay out your credibility with postpartum depression, then the 3 point list that gives a sorta to do lists. Your ending was excellent as well suggesting God is waiting for us and by talking to Him we can begin to come thru this difficult time.I love the Lord but I am done. I pray all day every day that He will take me home. But I feel like of course not. I feel terrible saying this but people talk about things they learned thru a time of suffering..what if it is all suffering? Again, I recognize that I can see blessings around me but with constant pain, very little money and family challenges plus other issues, it is almost a joke at church or the kids’ school bc we have so much going “wrong” . Can’t He just take me home? I just want to be done. I am a terrible mother when I feel like this and it would be better for everyone if the Lord just took me home.

  • Dear Abby,

    This is an extremely well considered, gentle and empowering post and I thank you warmly for sharing. We none of us truly know what god has in store for us, lives can be kind and they can also be immensely dreadful too. Still in terms of our souls journey all life experiences are the workings of god. Therein; we must do the inner work as the gospels and the great saints e.g. St Teresa of Avila and st John of the cross et al., show by example. Not an easy journey for it is filled with many monsters and much darkness at times. Still the son of man is and was our example and better chance do we have for his deeply unfathomable suffering and sacrifice for our eternal souls. Be well, always !

  • Well, good for Elija and Jonah. That does not make me feel any different. That was then, the story does not inspire me. I can’t walk, I’m in prison oF my body.
    I’m 68, bed ridden,. My hands are useless as is the rest of me. So, I pray to die every Night. What’s the point of this suffering? I have no purpose. My prayers for others are answered. But my prayers for me I don’t hear or feel anything from God. I hate this life and “positive thinking” does nothing but make other people think you are ok. So, what? Have faith, ok. I still want out of my life.c

  • Standing in one spot shows complacency. I’m sorry but you will never be waiting on God… You have a short amount of time on this Earth, He has forever… God does not want us to stay in our comfort zone! So if you are standing in one spot in what is comfortable for you waiting on God then you will be waiting there forever. He wants you to break out of your comfort zone, He wants you to step into the unknown. Step out into your faith and He will support you, it’s not the other way around! I struggle in my relationship with God every single day. Every single day!! I’ve cursed Him and called Him names and even called Him out. Yes I called upon Him to show up and face me!!! And He sure as hell is real He did. He showed up!! Pinned me to the ground for a couple days actually… I just cried and peed myself in one spot for 2 days. Sweating and freezing and no strength, no energy, I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep, etc. I was literally wasting away just laying there. That’s when I finally asked God what He wanted, what was the point of all this!? That’s when I kinda heard a voice in my conscience that said “open your Bible”. Till this day I still can’t remember the scripture so forgive me but I’ll never forget what I read… Basically that we don’t rest unless God allows us to rest, we don’t eat unless God allows us to eat, we have absolutely no strength unless God gives us strength, everything we take for granted is because God allows it. He gives you breath!!! He gives you rest!! He gives you hunger!! He gives you thirst!! He gives you strength!! God happily gives you all that and can account for every single hair on your head and you’re going to think He made a mistake in creating you? That wouldn’t make sense. We are all limited edition, one of a kind. There will never ever be another you! Never!! So please don’t ruin something so rare and precious!!

  • i can only remember a few days in my life when i didnt pray to die and only because i forgot. my life is not horrible its just that it has never been fun. well seldom fun. so tired of this but 60 years later i am still here. it is gods will that i am here. not mine. and someday? someday i want to go home.

  • I feel the same way as Richard. My looks don’t bother me but I wake up every day for years begging God for my death but it never comes.

    I go out of my way to help others I don’t even know no matter how bad I feel inside. Yet people could care less about me. I don’t see any reason to exist. No matter what I do it never gets better. Could pray all day everyday and it stays the same. If he hates me so much then why doesn’t he just kill me.

    Then I see these people that are young or have a good life with some terminal disease, all they want is to live and be with their families another day. God please take me in their place!

  • I have the same question Daniel. The only time I’m happy is when I’m in a dangerous situation with a wild animal or Tornado. In those moments I am truly alive! The only time I’m at peace is when I’m asleep. It sucks living like this for so long.

    I see a psychiatrist/ psychologist regularly and have taken and continue to take their medication. It doesn’t stop it.

    I’m thankful my family and relatives are all healthy but I’m ready for God to take me.

  • I just want it all to end, i have had a terrible life, severally raped as a child, grew up without love, at age 10 I was told by my Sunday school teacher that God don’t love you if you are not a virgin, I felt dirty and out of place of God’s perfect children, i attempted sucide and prayed everyday that I die, because i was not enough, my mum never liked me, I worked hard to get an education because my father never sponsored my education, I thought life will be better. I love God so much and hoped he would love me some day. The stories in the Bible inspired me so much. 20 years later my life is a living hell, no job, no money, 6 relationship/marriage disappointment my parents feel disappointed at me, my younger siblings call me a failure and physically attack me. I still refuse to curse God, all I ask all these years is for me to please die, I don’t think I am asking God for much, please let me die and have peace, let my soul have peace. I don’t think that’s asking for much. I just need to die and find peace.

  • I have many things going well for me, but I miss a friend. When I think about how much I miss them I think negatively about myself and want God to take my life. I feel like something is just wrong with me to have these thoughts. I don’t know what to do. I want to feel better, but I feel like I keep getting pulled back.

    I feel like a mess up and I am stuck. Life is passing me by, and I won’t get to see/experience the friend I had. This makes me not want to live.

  • I want to die. I ask God every night to let me die in my sleep. The suicide attempts were failures just like me. My daughter hates me. My sons are indifferent to me and my husband doesn’t want to hear it. I just don’t want to wake up anymore

  • I just want to end it because my life isn’t worth living…I have prayed for 2years without answers and things aren’t changing..I tired and weary

  • I’m 41years old and I adore God and I am struggling I was in a Coma at the prime of my life at 35 and went to a dark place for 23 days inside this Coma it was so horrible when I awoke after finding out my dad died an hour before I awoke my wife started out being my rock then the PTSD kicked in from the tramatic Coma nighterror and then I found out my lungs are shot I now how COPD do to being ventilated for 23 days my wife bailed on me now I am lost all I have is God but I’m so alone I want to be with him now nobody deserves to be isolated it’s about as close to hell I think you can get.

    • I really don’t know what to say but I’m very sorry that you are going through so much. Being isolated and sick or forgotten is Hell. I will pray for you and all of us.

  • I am reading these comments and it breaks my heart. To whoever may be reading this, I understand. God is not a liar, correct? So if God says that YOU, yes.. you, are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14), do you believe in Him? Jesus is the truth and He does not lie. If God says He loves you, trust me He does. The Bible says that your past mistakes do not define you. I have struggled with depression and suicide for a bit. I have suffered demonic and satanic attacks, friends left, family turned away, grades failing, etc. Every single man may leave, but the I AM Most High God.. The Creator of everything and everyone pays attention to YOU.. then that is amazing. So my friend, I say don’t lose your hope because God will NOT lose you. Your body is the temple of Christ, glorify God in it. Your feelings are always going to upset you, just because it FEELS like God is gone, has left you alone, like there’s is no hope.. those feelings are not true. Look to what God and His word says, not your feelings. You aren’t ugly, stupid, an idiot, a loser, no.. you are a child of GOD and nobody, NOBODY, can EVER take that away from you. Listen whoever you are, I know how it feels to want it to end. But it is only the beginning, God has much more work to do with and on you. God bless you:)

  • pure bull
    ive Tried everything…and nothing was right…7 years ago i was close…someone opened the door and found me that way..i wish she never did n let me Die..

  • everything ive tried has come to a failure…in 6 months i will have completed what i set out for…i failed the first time..this time I won’t…

  • Seems like there are a great many people in this world that are desperate for God to show up, offer some form of assistance…hope, love, compassion. Yet for all this wishing for God to be there… nothing happens, no “doors open”, no peace is found, no burdens have been lifted.
    I’m just this guy, nothing special, I don’t expect anything special: However He is God and he has promised peace, hope….
    When i’m absolutely laying on the floor face down offering up my life to Christ… no relief comes, no doors no hope, no peace only the never ending (since i was a little boy) self hate, never being enough, and no clear path to serve God… Death would at least be a change from those awful existence!

  • i am 74 years old still working to keep busy .i lost my wife sudden from a brain aneurysm while i was at work she was in a coma for three days we were married for 25 years and had a son who found her.i spent three days watching her in a coma till she was declared brain dead.i have been to grief people support groups they never helped i really want to die i am tired no one knows how i feel i have kept this inside of me since my wife died two of my brothers have died since my wife died my son is married and lives an hour from me no one knows how i feel i don’t want to kill myself i just want die natural i keep myself in good shape i don’t why.i just want to be with her again we were like a single person years come and go and i feel it should have never should been like this i worked hard all these years so we could have fun in our old ages but it wasn’t mean’t to be question WHY?

  • Saying it will work out is trite and meaningless to the person walking in the desert, especially when it has been years.
    I am a Christian and have been for many years but it does feel like God has abandoned some of us at least for a time.
    There is no easy answer or explanation that makes things better or easier to get through it.
    Accepting where God has us and surrendering to Him in humility is what I am doing-but it is excruciatingly painful. My heart goes out to each of you who are struggling. I pray God one day soon turn His favor upon you and lead you out of the desert and give you the desires of your heart.

  • I am in this position,I have tried my best to work so hard in school got my bachelor degree and my master’s degree. It’s has been five years now without any good job or stable income,am practically jobless still leaving with my mom at the age of 28.I have prayed and prayed but never got any good job nor stable income.I feel like a burden to my mom.I feel useless.I don’t have any purpose in this world,I keep asking God why am here everyday.I experience disrespect from members of the family,even from my own younger sister who is supposed to respect me.I don’t have friends anymore because it is hard to include me since i don’t fit in with them anymore.I feel betrayed and despised.I don’t have a boyfriend since dating is also hard when all you do is stay home and have nothing interesting to bring to the table.No one finds me interesting.

    I keep a smile on my face for my mom to see,but I cry myself to sleep almost every day.I am TIRED!!I can’t find the energy to pray anymore since I feel the prayers don’t work.I don’t go to church anymore,my mom complains about this so often.I keep promising her that i will go with her the next sunday and I still don’t go.

    Sometimes I will listen to some praise and worship songs.But most of the times I will listen to them while telling God “why?”.

    Yes i’m tired too.I pray you find comfort.

    I only wish to die,since every day I wake up I wish I didn’t exist.I feel so much pain.I only want God to give me a blameless death.That I may die to go be with Him,to be in heaven praising Him with the angels.I don’t see anything else for me here.I feel bad that this will bring so much pain to my mother.Since she has worked so hard as a single mother to provide for me and pay for my education.Our father died when I was 4,since then she has worked so hard to make sure we are all covered.She is a woman of God.

    Sometimes I ask God to bless me just for her sake,I may not deserve it.But atleast she deserves to see her hard work paying off.

    Am tired of waiting for his will or purpose..I don’t see anything for me.I have lost all hope.

    My mum still pays for my short courses and some exams Certification which I hardly prepare for.I don’t feel motivated anymore.

    God bless you all,as He sees fit

    Was great sharing this here

    I found it after I searched google for how to ask God for death

    • I’m in this position,I have tried my best to work so hard in school got my bachelor degree and master’s degree. It’s has been five years now without any good job or stable income,am practically jobless still living with my mom at the age of 28.I have prayed and prayed but never got any good job nor stable income.I feel like a burden to my mom.I feel useless.I don’t have any purpose in this world,I keep asking God why am here everyday.I experience disrespect from members of the family,even from my own younger sister who is supposed to respect me.I don’t have friends anymore because it is hard for them to include me since i don’t fit in with them anymore.I feel betrayed and despised.I don’t have a boyfriend since dating is also hard when all you do is stay home and have nothing interesting to bring to the table.No one finds me interesting.

      I keep a smile on my face for my mom to see,but I cry myself to sleep almost every day.I am TIRED!!I can’t find the energy to pray anymore since I feel the prayers don’t work.I don’t go to church anymore,my mom complains about this so often.I keep promising her that i will go with her the next sunday and I still don’t go.

      Sometimes I will listen to some praise and worship songs.But most of the times I will listen to them while telling God “why?”.

      Yes i’m tired too.I pray you find comfort.

      I only wish to die,since every day I wake up I wish I didn’t exist.I feel so much pain.I only want God to give me a blameless death.That I may die to go be with Him,to be in heaven praising Him with the angels.I don’t see anything else for me here.I feel bad that this will bring so much pain to my mother.Since she has worked so hard as a single mother to provide for me and pay for my education.Our father died when I was 4,since then she has worked so hard to make sure we are all covered.She is a woman of God.

      Sometimes I ask God to bless me just for her sake,I may not deserve it.But atleast she deserves to see her hard work paying off.

      Am tired of waiting for his will or purpose..I don’t see anything for me.I have lost all hope.

      My mum still pays for my short courses and some exams Certification which I hardly prepare for.I don’t feel motivated anymore.

      God bless you all,as He sees fit

      Was great sharing this here

      I found it after I searched google for how to ask God for death

  • I’m so tired already.. I can’t take this pain anymore I pray almost everyday for god to take me because I’m too much of a coward to do it myself I’m so thankful for all the blessings he’s done for me but this pain is just too much and I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone, I’ve been suicidal for 4 years and have problems with my head it’s so evil I just want to put an end to this thinking. God has saved me from the street life and helped me dodge death many many times I just don’t understand why he won’t let me go that’s my only wish 🙁

    • You spoke my language. I feel you. 15 years of street life got me. I try making it but always go back. Do doctor can fix this. No help available on this planet for our thoughts. Crazy world

    • I hear what your saying the pain is too much sometimes its hard to breath. Your not alone remember that, have you tried fasting? Fasting for 7 days is a good start even you can only do 3 the lord will see your heart.The enemy will put these suicidal thoughts in your head because hes a liar and deciever but God is far more powerful and there is a bigger plan we just can see it.
      Try this book
      “Prayers that rout demons” and everytime you get a thought read the verses. It helped me
      Also “prayers that bring healing ” bothe books are by Johm Eckhardt.
      God bless

  • Man!!! I didn’t know so many people feel like this.
    I keep doing the same sin over and over and keep hurting my family so much and so long. I feel the pain of my actions but do them anyway. Obviously because I can’t stand my guilt and my physical problems. But my family keep loving me and helping me and that’s the only reason why I’m still trying and living. They want me happy and do good but I ain’t happy here. I don’t like this world no more. That’s my problem. Always living for people never for me. I brake good people’s hearts. I see people dieing around all the time but I always stay alive. It’s crazy to be like this so early. Anyway. Unless I know I ain’t alone.

  • It also says “all who call on the Lord shall be saved”, in your reference to those who say they do things for God but God says “depart from me for I never knew you, you workers of iniquity” Please look up iniquity …these are bad people who never really knew God. I understand the frustration but don’t make it sound like hardly anyone is going to heaven, I mean this nicely too…….I am frustrated and angry too but God does love us and this life can be hard.

  • We are here for a reason we have a purpous and it goes beyond our image, i also want to die but the lord has a plan we do not know and we pray for strength wisdom courage love and rebuke the enemy and doubtful thoughts. Im praying for all of you x

  • I just can’t wait to die. The best thingGod can do for me now if he truly does love me is to take my soul, I need to die!!!!!

  • If God truly loves us he should have given us choices- to live or to die!!!!
    I do not see a reason to be alive, my life is all gloom right now, I so very wish I was dead.. life is hard, meaningless and nothingness to me, I am over 50yrs and have nothing! No worth, no children, no husband and no job!!! It’s just a waste, yes I don’t believe God loves everyone , God created some losers for his glory period! I do not believe he loves and forgives all! He has his chosen and his scapegoats. I so wanna die !!!

  • the way I see it. the reason for all this confusion regarding God is because of seeing god external of yourself. Do you want uncomfortable things happen to you? then neither does god. Do you want yourself to suffer? Neither does god. Because you and god are the same. Only you are just a faint and partial expression of his complete self. The only question you should ask is how can I solidy this dimness so I can manifest more of true god’s bright quality. The answer lies through all of your sufferings and no other way. If you are covered in dirt, there is no way to lose the foul odour until you get a wash. So all sins will have to be washed off in time and you have to be patient and accepting of them because they are your own sins. You have to be content and grateful for the wisdom and oppurtunity to wash them off and in time become renewed again. Just learn your lessons through this life, introspect , repent and do not repeat some of the mistakes made not only in this but also previous lives for which many of us are suffering. God speed and may the good lord quicken our spirits.

  • I’m in the same position as alot of you are, my life has not gone good for the most of it. I’m 50yrs old & have had enough, I’ve got angry with God I’ve pleaded with God I’ve begged God, & I’ve never felt God was beside me. Well I’ve been shown the way, I’ve seen & talked to God, he does reach his limits with us as well, he has told me I can’t be helped, I’m not worthy & has encouraged me to end it all, follow thru on what I feel because it is the only thing that will stop my pain. He can’t be there for all of us all the time&this lightens his load to help the ones worthy of his help. If we are not good enough to be allowed thru those gates, there’s no reason for us to be here at all. Therefore the loss of us does not matter we were just here to fill the space.

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