Blog Post: When Admitting Truth Is Hard
Standing on the tarmac, getting ready to launch off on my bike with my family, I made a random comment to my husband. Friends, I can’t remember exactly what it was now, but I do remember asking myself right after, “Man, what in the world is wrong with him?”
His reply to my random comment was both off and condescending. And, frankly, his anxiety was causing me anxiety. I didn’t like it; I didn’t like it at all! I wouldn’t have it. My husband needed to pull himself together. I wanted to enjoy this bike ride, not have it go sideways because of him. So, I arrogantly barked out, “Whatever you’re dealing with, pull it together already!”
Almost at the same time I released this behemoth demand, God tugged on my heart. It was as if He traveled me back to all the mornings that I’ve had with Him lately…
Instantly, I remembered how He revealed to me that I can sometimes project onto others what I, myself, am feeling. Why? To protect myself from having to deal with the awkwardness of myself. To keep the problem about them. To avoid embarrassment, shame, or having to change. It’s easier that way.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (Mt. 7:3-5)
Ick. What if the problem is not him at all, but it is actually all about me?
Am I feeling anxious? I was.
Could I be projecting? Yes.
Could I have made it about him, because it’s easier than handling me? Oh gosh. That could be…
Ick.
Hiding truth keeps the problems on them and projecting keeps the horrifying spotlight off me…but neither of these are God’s way.
On that tan tarmac, I quickly snapped back to reality, and I pulled my whole family together, along with my husband.
I said, “Family, can I admit something to you? I feel anxious. I am nervous about whether we will all have fun on the ride. Can you pray for me?”
They did.
Of course, I’ll never really know if my husband was anxious or not. But what I do know is that it is not my job to fix him; it is my job to be honest before the Lord, and man, about me. It is my job to be honest. If I want freedom for my family, I must be truthful, for it is the truth that sets one free.
In this, I don’t have to hide my inadequacies; I can admit them to others and to the Lord. I don’t have to pretend I have it all together, I can admit fear and be healed. I don’t have to run away from telling others I am sorry; I can apologize.
Is it awkward? Absolutely. Who likes standing there naked?
Is it embarrassing to make a mistake? Yes. In our culture we hold up perfection like it is a statue of David.
Is it humbling? Yes, but perhaps that is the point.
We don’t worship some perfect version of us; we worship Jesus who gives us grace in our time of need. We don’t have to have it all together; His grace is enough. We don’t have to hide who we really are or tuck away from learning; confession is an integral part of being a Christian.
Who are you blaming? How are you hiding? What feels embarrassing? Perhaps, as you bring that to Him — He will give you the power to walk in humility before them.
I know it isn’t easy. But if you are looking for freedom – only truth sets one free. Ask God to protect you, ask God to lead you, and ask God to help you. Their response belongs to them, but your obedience, and the joy that comes with it, belong to you.
It’s never easy to change, but it is always worth it. What would it look like for you, today, to see the things you’ve been trying to hide away? How can you take responsibility for them before the Lord? How might you have gotten things wrong? How can you make things right? What would it look like to walk in humility?
My friends, I know it is tough to see all this. Trust me, I know. But, let’s be encouraged — God doesn’t reveal these things to chide us; He reveals these things to heal us. For then, after we have learned, we can walk in relationship in ways we have dreamed of, and we can see the hope we have searched for. We let God heal us and help us in all His ways. We find new roads and grace open to us.
It’s worth it.
The price of admission opens to us new gates of personal freedom.
Prayer: Father, I don’t like admitting things that embarrass me. I don’t like getting things wrong. I want people to think highly of me. I want to come off a certain way. Forgive me for having pride. I have defended myself too long. You are my Defender. You are My Savior. Forgive me for taking your work into my hands. I am sorry. I am guilty. Will you forgive me? Will you help me? In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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