Blog Post by Abby McDonald
“God, take the decision out of my hands.”
I didn’t say the prayer out loud, but I may as well have. For months, I had gone back and forth over a life-altering choice that would change our family forever: whether or not to have another baby.
And every time I thought I’d decided, the endless trail of what-ifs froze me in my tracks. What if we lost the baby? I’d reached the age some doctors consider “high risk”, so what if the baby was born with a birth defect? Of course, I’d have to have another surgery and what if it didn’t go well?
So instead of making a decision, I remained in a state of inertia. The unknowns loomed over me like an unpredictable storm, and I my feet were stationary.
One day in early spring, something shifted. My mama instincts kicked in and I knew the possibility of new life was real. I could taste it. Fear and excitement overwhelmed me in alternating waves, and I spent the morning waiting to buy the test confirming my suspicions were right.
God handed us this gift of life and said, “Here. I know the desires of your heart.”
Sometimes, God knows what we need better than we do.
We try our best to protect our hearts, but he simply wants us to trust Him.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18 NIV
He wants to give us good and perfect gifts, but we’re often clenching our fists too tightly to receive them. We move around the spheres of our lives, thinking if we can hold onto the gifts we have we will be happy, but God wants to give us so much more.
We have to keep our hands open to receive what he has for us. And as I watched the colors on the stick change and the clear positive sign appear, it was as though God was saying, “I am for you, child. I am not against you.”
I know there are still a lot of ifs on the road ahead of us. Every morning when I wake up, they try to overtake my thoughts like the steam engine that courses through our town at regular intervals.
But when the darkness of the unknown hits, I repeat this truth over and over: My God is for me. He is not against me. Do you believe he is for you too?
If we live our lives stuck in a state of what if, our what ifs will become could-have-beens. And I don’t want to live my life that way.
I want to live a life fueled by the One who never settled for safe.
As this new spirit continues to grow inside of me, so does the passion to move forward into unchartered waters. It may not always be easy, but heaven knows it will be an adventure.
Will you take his hand and come with me? I’ll see you past the break tide.
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Abby McDonald is a writer who can’t contain the lavish love of a God who relentlessly pursues her, even during her darkest times. When she’s not chasing her two little boys around, she loves hiking, photography, and consuming copious amounts of coffee with friends.
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Abby,
After having such severe post-partum depression and onset of OCD with my first, I, too, was fearful about having a second. It took a long time for God to convince me to trust in Him. Then, I couldn’t get pregnant and I wondered if my fear had somehow undone me?? God’s timing was perfect…I see that now. It gives me confidence to move forward and trust Him even though I fear. Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Bev
Yes, Bev. I can relate to that fear too. I praise God for knowing what we need better than we do and not withholding his blessings from us. Thank you for being here today. xoxo
“I want to live a life fueled by the One who never settled for safe.” Me too Abby. That’s huge!
And congratulations.
xoxo
Yes, I’m slowly learning to let go, Christy. Key world being “slowly.” 😉 Love you, friend.
Thank you for sharing your story Sis. I will ask myself that same question, Do I believe that God is for me? God bless you and your new journey and your family.
Charollet
Thank you so much! I think that question is so common, and I constantly have to remind myself he truly is for me. Thanks for reading today.
So beautiful!!! I could absolutely relate to that prayer, & it turned into Gage for me. ❤️ God is good!!! So many congratulations & prayers for you!
Ah, what a sweet blessing and answer to that prayer, Angela. Love it. God is so good. <3
Our God is the God of adventure and of stepping out into deeper waters. Congratulations on your new little blessing!
Yes He is and thank you!
This may sound really dumb, but how do you know when God is speaking to you? While I have been a believer and follower of Jesus for years, I really struggle with “seeing” Him in my life. Maybe i’m not looking in the right places? I don’t know.. Any suggestions? Thank you! I just found your blog too- love it, thank you!
Not a dumb question at all, Kate. Sometimes I still question whether what I sense I’m hearing is really him, and will ask him to confirm it. And you know what? Usually, he does. I find the more time I spend in prayer, in the Word and around other believers I respect, the more I learn to recognize his voice. So glad you stopped by today and blessed that you found our community!
A big congrats to you Abby! Happy as you take on this adventure with your family. I love how God answers our deepest prayers without us even saying a word. He’s done that many, many times in my life. God is so very good.
Such a great message! – Thanks for sharing this. This really spoke to me, the darkness is so scary specially after a moment in the light, but we must trust, and I am telling this to myself, to trust He is with me, even if I don’t see Him.