Category - surrender

Learn more about Sacred Stress.

attack, Pride, sin, surrender, Thoughts

It all happened when I got stuck, sweating bullets in a parked car with a 3-year old who was certain my body was her gym mat. I was over the wait, but the countdown was ongoing. He was nowhere in sight.

My texts went unanswered.
40-minutes passed.
He knew I was parked.

I dialed him again. Nothing.
Soon after, I saw his phone resting on the car mat.

I tapped my foot, frustrated.

Towing a 3-year old, we headed into the restaurant. We asked some people if they had seen a man with dark brown hair. The one with a boy? No. No. No.

My face reddened. My hand tightened. I pulled the girl out of irritation.

But, breaking the layers of heavy, and as if a messenger of God handed me a “Peace-note”, I remembered the recently-read words in “Sacred Stress.” They reminded me: There is an opportunity found in adversity…

The words said, “A Harvard University study found when participants reframed stressful events as a challenge instead of a threat, they felt energized and performed better.” Hmm…

Could I see this as a challenge rather than a threat that:
1.) Wastes my time?
2.) Ticks me off?
3.) Makes me worried?

The words said, ” Viewing stressful situations as healthy and an opportunity for growth usually eliminates the negative stress-related symptoms.”

What is coming against me, can actually work for me,
when reframed right.

The words said, I can create a positive outcome, a positive view and change the outcome, thereby escaping stress.

Situations don’t rule me, God does.

I can choose to see things from his good view;
it changes my poor view.

I can choose to see thigns from his good view; it changes my poor reactions.

Would this really work?

I tried:

“I have an opportunity to find and extend the grace of God.”
“God is calling me to lean on him. I will know Him better through this.”
“Maybe it will provide an awesome time for daddy to connect with son as they walk home. I can’t wait to hear.”
“I can show my kids we can beat the power of stress by not being stressed.”

I felt proud of my words, but still, troubled by anxiety.

The words said: “Name it.” This means giving an “honest accounting” of how you feel so you can get to the root emotion.

If you speak positive words but don’t let God tend to your bucking emotions,
you’ll still wildly flail out of control.

When we admit our feelings, see them for what they are, and let God hold them –
He does.

We land at peace.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Pet. 5:7

Looking back, I didn’t handle this situation just right. I messed it up. But, guess what?

I have next time. God doesn’t shun me and say, “You are one and done.” Nope. He is the God of ample opportunities. He is the God of perpetual second chances. He is the God of unending learnings. He will help me at my next crossroad. He will instruct me on the way I should go. I feel a little nervous about this. I see the fear in me – the fear of failure. God sees it too. He can handle it. It is not too much.

He whispers, “My perfect love casts out fear.” 1 Jo. 4:18

In this moment, I know I found something. I have arrived somewhere.

It’s called “Sacred Stress”.

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About Sacred Stress: A Radically Different Approach to Using Life’s Challenges for Positive Change

Stress can limit our perspective, leaving us feeling trapped and out of control. But stress can also be a force for good: It is our challenges that most compel us to reach out for relationship. And our proudest moments come after overcoming obstacles we thought were insurmountable.

Based on personal experience and their work as therapists, and drawing on decades of psychological research, George R. Faller, MS, LMFT, and The Rev. Dr. Heather Wright have come to see that stress can be healthy and positive. They equip us with the skills and the knowledge we need to reframe our thinking about stress, understand and embrace our darker emotions, and become stronger through difficulty. View on Amazon.

About the Authors

George R. Faller, MS, LMFT, a lieutenant in the New York City Fire Department for twenty years who participated in 9/11 rescue efforts, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, an American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy supervisor, and an Emotionally Focused certified therapist, supervisor and trainer. He is also the founder and president of the New York Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy and teaches at the Ackerman Institute in Manhattan.

The Rev. Dr. Heather Wright, an ordained Presbyterian minister, is a licensed professional counselor and executive director for a faith-based counseling center. She taught graduate-level counseling and pastoral theology and served as a board certified chaplain. She is the author of Redeeming Eve: Finding Hope beyond the Struggles of Life and Small Group Leadership as Spiritual Direction.

Releasing Results to the Righteous One

June 2, 2016

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Peace in release to His Keeping by Katie M. Reid for purposefulfaith.com

Post by: Katie M. Reid

I had a plan to promote a product. I brainstormed ways to roll it out and made lists of people who might be able and willing to help spread the word. But while in the shower the other day (where it’s quiet enough to get good ideas and where I usually hear God more clearly) I sensed Him asking me something like this…

If you don’t get the outside help you’ve been planning on, will you be okay? Are you dependent on others or will you trust Me to do what I desire through this? Will you release this project and leave the results to Me?

I wrestled for a few moments but quickly realized that God was right, of course.

He was asking me not to hold so tightly to my well-crafted plans but relinquish the outcomes to Him.

There was no guarantee the project would be a success in the world’s eyes but there was a reassuring peace that God’s will would be done. I could insist on my desired outcomes or bend to His higher and better ways—even if the results looked like “not much” or even a failure to others.

As the water poured over me, I was reminded afresh…

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” -Proverbs 16:9

We should rely on God all the way through a project.

I say to the LORD, ‘You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” -Psalm 16:2

But sometimes we turn what was His to “mine”. Like Gollum, from Lord of the Rings, we hold our “precious” close at all costs. We don’t want to let go because we can’t imagine how life would go on if we lose that which we hold so dear.

What is your “precious”? Is it a person, a project, or a possession with which you have an unhealthy attachment?

Have you turned what once was an act of worship into an idol? Did you start off doing something for God but then it became all about you?

Are you willing to trust God with what He’s asked you to steward or have you made the sneaky shift from steward to prison guard—caging in your “precious” so that it can’t be freed from your watchful gaze?

Or will you bravely unclench your fists and hand over the “precious” to the Great Overseer of your soul?

You are precious in God’s sight. He doesn’t cage you in but sets you free under the necessary boundaries of His loving and watchful gaze.

God is trustworthy. He has entrusted you with people, projects, and possessions to steward well. Release the results to the Righteous One. He does know what’s best. His will for you and your project might look different that you expect but there is great freedom in letting Him lead and use you according to His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

Don’t despise His Sovereignty. Don’t discount His Supernatural ability. Don’t depart from His ways.

Find peace as you release people, projects, and possessions to His keeping.

Release what is precious to God and then stand back and see what He will do with your surrender.

Dear God: We want to worship you with clean hands and pure hearts. Thank You for entrusting us with projects, people, and possessions. Help us to steward them well and not elevate them above Your rightful place in our lives. We choose today to release the results to You. You are good. You know what is best. You love us too much to let our desires destroy us. Give us the wisdom and strength to hand over our dreams to Your keeping. Would you take our humble offerings and multiply them for Your purposes and glory? Forgive us for holding on too tightly to that which is mean to be handed over as a fragrant offering to You. We open our fists and raise our hands in worship to You today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Katie M. Reid is a tightly wound woman, of the recovering perfectionist variety, who fumbles to receive and extend grace in everyday moments. She delights in her hubby, five children, and their life in ministry. Through her writing, singing, speaking and photography Katie encourages others to find grace in the unraveling of life.

Connect with Katie at katiemreid.com and on Twitter and Facebook.

When Breath Gives Way to Life

March 31, 2016

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Post by: Katie M. Reid

“Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” -Genesis 2:7

Sometimes I forget to take a breath. It hits me all of [a] sudden that I haven’t taken a deep breath for hours, that my shoulders are tucked up beneath my ears, as if they are supporting them, and I’m breathing but in short, rapid, shallow, hurried breaths. Slow down, I say to myself. Breathe. -Kris Camealy

The delivery nurse told me to pant. I was in excruciating pain but I didn’t want to damage my body by pushing prematurely. I didn’t know if I was in danger or if the doctor was just delayed in her arrival.

So I tried to obey, kind of. I found out later that the nurses’s command to pant was because the doctor was not there yet to catch my son. If I had known this I would not have panted, I would have pushed.

Pushing is my preference.

I push down doors of opportunity. I push myself and others to do more and be more. I push to get my way. But I’m often left feeling shoved around and out of breath when life doesn’t go as expected.

Take a deep cleansing breath. That’s what my choral director from college said when we warmed up to sing.

Inhale, up. Exhale, down. That’s what Shaun T. says on our crazy workout videos.

Breathe in for 3 and out for 10. That’s what our birthing class instructor said as we prepared for childbirth.

But I breathe shallow most of the time. I let the cares of life and the pace of ambition dictate my respiratory patterns. I need to slow down, inhale deep, and let God be on the throne of Heaven and my heart.

I scurry and hurry and drop and plop and need to come up for air.

The breath of God is in my nostrils, yet I often take it for granted.

As a tightly wound woman who lives quite frantically, most of the time, I battle fear, insecurities, people-pleasing and control and I want to be made well.

I don’t want my shallow breathing to lead to shallow living, so I pause and ponder what it is that God is speaking to this try-hard heart.

When faced with the unexpected twists and turn of life, we often pant or push. But what if we learned to breathe deeply and rest in the care of our Creator, regardless of our circumstances?

What if we trusted instead of threw tantrums?

What if we found grace in the unraveling of life?

What if we allowed our tightly wound tendencies to wrap us around the One who holds us, and all things, together?

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Katie M. Reid is a tightly-wound woman who fumbles to receive and extend grace in everyday moments. She delights in her hubby, four children (and one on the way) and their life in ministry. Through her writing, singing, speaking and photography she encourages others to find grace in the unraveling of life. Connect with Katie at katiemreid.com, Twitter and Facebook.

How Do You Receive a Drop-In? (Link Up)

February 23, 2016

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When I was growing up I remember my mother’s friends dropping-in from time to time. It seems the art of the drop-in has been all but lost in our generation and I think it’s too bad.

Guests coming by unexpectedly can brighten our day if we let go of our need to have everything just the way we want it.

Sure, I appreciate a text or heads-up before my friends swing by unannounced—tightly wound woman here, remember? But there is beauty found in learning to be flexible.

God used a bible verse to illuminate my need for readjustment when faced with the unexpected.

“And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.” -Matthew 18:5

In our case, we are actually welcoming a child into our family in late May. I want to receive this unexpected gift by welcoming her as I would welcome Christ, both into my home and heart. This verse in Matthew prompted me to examine whether or not I am receiving well or carrying on with a fast-paced, overly ambitious agenda, as usual.

Too often I miss the beauty in the unexpected because
I like to be in charge and set the plan for my days.

How about you? How do you respond when you are redirected or interrupted?
Will you choose to welcome the drop-in? Whether God is bringing a child, an unannounced guest or some other form of unexpected circumstances into your life, how will you receive it?

Will you drop what you’re doing to receive the drop-in or
insist on sticking to your agenda?

Maybe the drop-in is a creative assignment that has you shaking in your cowgirl boots?
Maybe the drop-in is a new friend that needs a lot of prayer and a listening ear?
Maybe the drop-in is a season of suffering that will refine you as gold?

Let’s embrace the unexpected, even when it’s inconvenient or intimidating. Let’s trust the God who dropped love into our lap when we were lost in sin.

Let’s continue this discussion over at Katie’s place. Today the #RaRaLinkup is being hosted at Katie M. Reid’s blog. Click this link to join us…

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Learning to Tango with a Trustworthy Partner

February 4, 2016

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Trust is Required in order to be Led by Katie M. Reid for Kelly Balarie's Purposeful Faith

Post by: Katie M. Reid

I love to dance with my husband. It doesn’t happen as often as I’d like, but I treasure the times it does. We’re invited to an April wedding, so I’m counting on a dance or two then.

Back in college Adam and I used to swing dance. I had trouble letting him lead me. I was tense and tried to control the moves—that doesn’t work when you aren’t supposed to be taking the lead.

Someone had to follow. It didn’t mean I was less talented or capable, it just meant that in order for our dance to be effective, I needed to learn to be led so that our moves would be in harmony instead of working against each other.

A New Direction

As most of you know I am pregnant. We were planning on adopting again but God had another plan. This miracle answered many prayers I had for my heart returning home.

But here’s the thing God has been showing me recently, I can’t keep trying to do all the things I am currently doing and add another child to the mix.

He isn’t asking me to stop dancing but He’s asking me to follow His lead as He spins me around—turning me a different way than I expected.

I can fight this new direction, and most likely end up tripping and looking foolish, or I can lean in to His trustworthy arms and see where He leads.

Learning to follow does not come naturally to this first-born leader. I like to be in charge. It feels scary and off balance to bend to the leadership of another. It is challenging for me to trust another’s lead because I don’t know where it will take me. And oh how I like to be in the know!

Just the other day a conference host asked me to submit a proposal to teach a workshop at writing conference this fall. I had been waiting for an invitation like this! I was honored, yet I knew I needed to pray about it and talk it over with hubby.

I soon realized that our baby will only be four months old when this conference takes place.

I had a choice.

I could fight the way the Lord is writing my story with this new life or I could yield to His direction and trust that He will provide another opportunity to teach when my daughter is older.

By His grace I chose the latter. And I feel great peace and relief.

The Loving Lead

Are you fighting His lead in your life?
Are you pulling against His leadership instead of learning to move in harmony with His Spirit?
Have you handed over your right to control to the Only One who is truly in control?

Learn to be led so that your moves will be in harmony instead of working against each other.

He is a loving leader. And He is a fabulous dance partner.

Sometimes He takes us to places that we weren’t expecting. He spins us around and takes us to another spot on the dance floor than what we are used to.

Will we lean in close to His heart and feel His arms holding us near?
Will we let ourselves dip into His strength and bow to His Majesty?

Put on those dancing shoes, sister. There is a stirring tango that calls your name. It’s the dance of your life with Your Loving Savior.

Webster defines the tango as, “a ballroom dance of Latin-American origin in 2⁄4 time with a basic pattern of step-step-step-step-close and characterized by long pauses…”

May the steps we take each day lead us closer to Jesus. Even when there are long pauses of waiting or rerouting on this journey may we remain near to the One who doesn’t leave—even when He is quiet.

May we stay close even when He takes us in a different direction that anticipated.

Follow Jesus’ lead. It won’t always be easy or graceful, but I know it will be beautiful.

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Katie M. Reid is a tightly wound woman, of the recovering perfectionist variety, who fumbles to receive and extend grace in everyday moments. She delights in her hubby, four children (and one on the way) and their life in ministry. Through her writing, singing, speaking and photography she encourages others to find grace in the unraveling of life. Connect with Katie at katiemreid.com.

The Good and Bad of Giving Up

January 7, 2016

control, Regular Contributor, surrender

5 Comments

Post By: Katie M. Reid

She wants to give up, and rightly so.

She has been fighting hard, in faith—on her knees, with her time and finances, and with a broken heart.

She sacrifices beyond what she feels capable of. She doesn’t experience the noble results her heart aches for and she is weary.

She is one of the strongest women I know, and she is hanging on by a thread.

She has experienced injustice, fought corruption and been slammed up against disappointment more times than she can count.

She reaches out to others as she falls to the floor and waves the white flag.

She wants to give up and it’s understandable.

But, giving up can be bad:

It can rob us of the miracle just around the corner.
It can tempt us to walk away from the One who can do the impossible.
It can take us down a road of regret.
It can chew us up and spit us out—further from our faith than we ever dared to go.
It can trip others up, taking them down as we fall.
It can leave us depleted, like a dead man walking.

“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

It is understandable to be in a position where you want to give up. We are human. We have limits. But, if God has clearly said He will do it and laid it out in His Word, than you can count on Him to come through.

He cannot lie. Even when the road ahead is a mangled mess of darkness and tangled roots, His Hope can be found.

O God illuminate the way!

Don’t give up hope but give up control. This kind of giving up can get us somewhere.

Because, giving up can be good:

We reach the end of ourselves and we cry out to the Creator.
We cease striving and resolve to let Him fight for us.
We trade our grasping control for His steady Sovereignty.
We pour out our hurts and He meets us in our brokenness.
We lay down and He lifts up.
We yield and He fills up with peace that passes understanding.

As we begin this new year there are destructive ways of living that we should give up—bad habits, addictions, angry tones and murderous thoughts.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Ephesians 4:31

And as the new year begins there are beautiful things that we can give up, as lavish offerings to our Lord—trusting Him even when life hurts, following Him even when we can’t see the next step, abiding in His Word even when it’s not popular or convenient.

“Give unto the LORD the glory due unto His name, bring an offering, and come before Him: worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness.” 1 Chronicles 16:29

Giving up can be an act of defeat or an act or worship. Which one will you choose today?

Dear God,

You know the depths of the burdens that we bear. Yet You carried the weight of sin upon You so that we could live. Help us to lay down our cares and catastrophes at Your feet. Give us hope in dark days. Give us help to keep going. Give us strength to believe that You are who You say You are. You became a dead man so we could walk free. Now You reign at the right hand of the Father so we can be resurrected one day as well. We take a moment, on the cusp on this new year, to declare that we believe in You. You are good. You are trustworthy. You see all and are able to sustain us this day. Help us not to give up hope but to give up control and rest in Your ability to hold us, and the whole world, together. We love you and we thank you that You gave up all for us to prove you won’t give up on us!

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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P.S. Katie is delighted to have a memoir piece published in Tales of Our Lives: Reflection Pond by Matilda Butler. The book launches tomorrow, January 8th, on Amazon for only 99 cents!

The Peace Found in Release

November 5, 2015

11 Comments

Post by: Katie M. Reid

They had been carrying him for awhile.

He was heavy. His sickness weighed them down—not just physically, but emotionally as well.

They took his suffering seriously and they longed for a different outcome. They wanted to see their friend healed.

But what could they do?

If they could take away his pain, they would.
If they could fix him, they would.
If they could heal him, they would.

But they couldn’t.

So they got together—worked as a committed team—and decided to take him to a renowned physician who was growing in popularity. He was more of an non-traditional doctor—but they were desperate for a cure and open to trying unconventional methods.

So they took their friend, by faith, to go and see this peculiar man.

They hoped for a miracle.

When they reached their destination there were crowds gathered, blocking the door. But these determined friends removed a part of the roof and let down the pallet on which their friend, the paralytic, was lying (see Mark 2:4).

They made sure their friend made it to Jesus.

And Jesus seeing their faith said to the the paralytic, ‘My son, your sins are forgiven.’ Mark 2:5, NASB

But in order that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins—He said to the paralytic—’I say to you, rise, take up your pallet and go home.’ Mark 2:10-11, NASB

Obviously I took a little liberty in the retelling of this familiar bible story, but I wanted to share it to explain a work that God did in my heart a few weeks ago.

The Heavy Load

I had been carrying around a heavy burden. I was dragging around a dead-weight mummy, wrapped tightly in burial clothes. I had a few friends who were sick spiritually and I was trying to shoulder their choices by carrying them around.

This effort was weighing me down, both physically and emotionally. I was discouraged and unsure if I would see their healing.

I was weary.

Then God reminded me of the account of the friends who carried their paralyzed friend to Jesus. They carried him, but only so they could lift him to Jesus and trust Him to heal him.

They did what they could do from a human standpoint and believed that Jesus would do what they could not.

I wept with relief as God asked me to let down what I had been carrying all this time.

It wasn’t my place to be my friends’ savior. It wasn’t my job to try and carry them. My part was to lift them up to Jesus and let Him take it from there.

As I raised my arms to reflect what He was showing me I felt the weight lift.

He took me from a place of pain and enabled me to rise up—crippled no longer.

I am not responsible for the outcome of my friends’ decisions. My part is to be a good friend and lift them up in prayer, to the One who can make all the difference.

He Stoops to Save

Sweet peace floods our soul as we release our weighty burdens to the Lord.

The Burden Lifter reaches down and comforts His daughters.

He stoops down to help us walk free.
He speaks clear, gentle wisdom that realigns our thoughts to His truth.
He removes our poor attempts at bandaging others and works His healing salve into the cracked places.

My friends:

Are you carrying around something that is not yours to bear?
Are you trying to be a savior instead of lifting up your loved one to the Savior, the Great Physician?
Do your shoulders ache from taking on responsibility that is not actually yours to carry?

Let’s stop, kneel and ask God to help us release that which belongs to Him.

Dear God:
Thank You for the sweet peace that is ours in You. Help us to release all that is weighing us down and holding us back from connecting with You. Thank You that You are Mighty Savior, Great Healer and Faithful Friend. Forgive us for trying to take on things that our shoulders weren’t meant to carry. Thank You that no problem is too heavy for You. Thank You that in You freedom, hope, healing and joy are found. Thank You that You tore off the roof of earth to come down and connect us to the Father again. We praise You Jesus. Help us to walk with You each day, as You lead the way Home.

In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.

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Control Challenge: 30 Days of Not Talking Back To Husband

October 12, 2015