Category - failure

Sometimes, Failing Precedes Blessings

July 22, 2016

Contentment, doubt, failure, faith, Freedom

There he was, Jesus, tugging the weight of the world on his shoulders, straight up the road to his demise. He trudged along, weighted. He proceeded by faith, bent over. Heart and body, likely splintered. By all accounts, Jesus, looked like he was failing and failing badly, very badly. His Messiah mission fell, His name apparently couldn’t save, His cause was causing people to laugh, mock and taunt him.

Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads and saying, “You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!” Mt. 27:39-40

People anti-worshipped him by outpouring disgust.

“Fix it!” they screamed.
“If you are so great, why do you look so bad?” they yelled.
“If you trust your God, why has he let you down so badly?” they ensued.

Are you hearing the same?

Does it look like you’ve been left on the side carrying failure?

That you are destined to be hurt?

That God isn’t coming through for you?

Sometimes, I feel I am falling into the great abyss of obscurity and aloneness. I see the black storm. I see myself as homeless.

These storms make our future look dim.

We continue to drink, even though we wanted to quit.
We figure we will never shed that last 10 pounds.
We react in anger and try no different.
We gossip, then do it again and again.
We figure we will always be stuck in a dead-end job.
We have no hope for our marraige.
We decide our kids will always be ingrates.
We accept rejection at work and no longer try.
We feel like a sub-par Christian and accept that as truth.
We believe we will always be in debt.
And on and on it goes…but, no doubt about it – it will never end well – for us.

What if Jesus, by all accounts,
saw the circumstances and declared himself destined to be a loser?

He could have –
if he lived by the comments, claims and convictions of the world around him.
If he chose to believe doubts over faith.
If he didn’t believe in a good, good daddy.
If he didn’t know that a Saving God, always saves.

But, he didn’t.

Jesus believed victory was on the brink and didn’t let his mind sink.

He kept walking…even though.
He kept ministering…even though.
He kept his mind on heavenly…even though.
He thought about forgiving us…even though.
Even though, he was hanging on a limb in gut-wrenching agony.

He thought of us.
He is still is.
He is thinking of you and where you stand.
He is thinking of that standing place as his victory-place.

Will you sink by how you think
or will you rise keeping your eyes on the prize?

I have set the LORD continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Ps. 16:8

Jesus’ situation looked bleak.
It looked heavy.
It looks so bad the ones he loved ran away in fear.

But here is how it turned out, here is what he was right on the brink of:
He was buried, he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures—and is still alive! (1 Cor. 15:4)

He is still alive and still saving us.
He is still alive and still pleading for us.
He is still alive and still making a way for us.

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ.
And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. (2 Cor. 1:20)

His answer to your heart is – yes! Yes, he will do the amazing for you, according to his will, if only you believe.

And we all say, Amen.

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Defeating Distraction with just 2 Words

July 13, 2016

purposefulfaith

Contentment, doubt, expectations, failure, faith, fear

I came home from a prayer meeting all full of Jesus and with new plans to let his love flow.

Sitting down at the computer, I knew three things:

1. God was using me to roll-out his glory.
2. I am encouraging others with words that only God could ordain. He is bringing unity.
3. Jesus’ pulse was beating in my heart.

I pressed into my work with fervor. But, as time passed, my mind strayed. It wondered what people were up to? It pondered, what am I missing online? It called me to Facebook, then to my emails. God’s work will be waiting when I return…I figured.

I scrolled.

But, as I did, three things captured me:

1. The face of someone from the past. They brought me straight back into a bad memory.

2. Images from the Dallas catastrophe. It tried to rip the idea of unity apart in my heart.

3. An email from my husband, reminding me we have no idea where we are going to live or what our plans are.

What God established,
distraction was determined to demolish.

Like a perfectly organized shelf, my heart was arranged just right. It was oriented towards God, only to all be knocked down, at a moment’s notice, by my own carelessness in keeping my heart set straight.

This kind of thing happens subtly. This toppling of God. It happens somewhere between morning devotion and child carpool. It shows up in a day somewhere between worship and workers with paint cans who never show up. It arrives through the voice of a boss who sounds like he hates you.

How do we stay devoted to God
when distractions get stuck to us?

“Only God knows,” I thought. And he did.

What God put on my heart was two words: Purpose and Protection.

1. Purpose: If we don’t purposely pursue his plans, our plans will fail.

Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Ps. 127:1

This means, no matter how blaring the noise, no matter how worthy its notability, we don’t welcome it in for coffee. Sure, this alert, notification or ding can arrive at the doorstep of our heart, saying, “Hey look at me. Look at me! I need your attention.”

But, we can act differently by saying, “I see you, but right now, I am on a mission from – and with – God. I need to focus on his face; he has plans for me that I cannot be deterred from.”

2. Protection: If we don’t guard against discouragement, we will swim in it.

What good are we to spread love, if we walk in defeat? We must consider what sends our heart astray and then, like we are holding a leash to a dog that is biting us, break the leash and send that yapping dog astray.

We need to let go of the leash that has actually kept us captive.

What is it? Facebook? Comparing? Jealousy? Performance numbers? Words from a friend that really is not even a friend?

Cut the leash.

Friends, I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be beholden to the world, pinned down by it. I want to be a running and raging fire, releasing the love of Christ.

To do this, I must protect the sanctity and the sacred connection to my King. You must too.

For as we target our focus,
what will come in focus,
is the very focus of all our affections,
the King of Glory,
the Hope of Nations,
the drink of living water,
the way through all our existing questions.

There he is enthroned,
empowering his people,
pleading on our behalf,
equipping us with what we need.

And we will feel it,
we become certain,
eager even,
heart pulsing, we want to move.

And we do,
we rise into his purpose.
Unrestrained.
Uncontained.
Unbelievably effective for his cause.

We find ourselves.

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Are you Fooling Yourself Faithless?

July 12, 2016

purposefulfaith

attack, Contentment, doubt, expectations, failure, fear

12 Comments

Bang! The thunder sounded like a shot in the night, except it was morning. Either way, the shrieks that ensued caught us all off guard. “Quick, get under the blankie! Let’s hide,” Madison shouted at her toddler brother.

They tumbled down like miniature-wrestlers, grabbing the comforter and maneuvering it over their heads.

They felt safe. But, what I could see from the height of my vantage point went beyond two sets of covered heads – to the 3 feet of remaining limbs laying uncovered. These soft legs, arms and hearts were still vulnerable – vulnerable to thunder, destruction and all the fierce consequences of lightening.

All I could think was, “Those cute little fools aren’t safe. They’re hardly covered.”

In the same way, I act like a fool.

Do you?

Do you take cover with defensiveness, escape and busyness to escape the danger of reality?

Are you afraid to deal with mounting problems and the excruciating weight of your own emotions?

Do you figure Jesus won’t be able to handle the likes of you?

It’s embarrassing, ugly even, to admit, but I cover. I grab a leaf and pretend it will hide the ugliness of my nakedness. Yet, what didn’t work for Eve, still doesn’t work for me.

These thoughts…
“If I can’t see my problems, my problems can’t see me…”
“If I pretend it isn’t there, maybe it will go away…”
“If I can fight back with strength, I won’t be so weak…”
…these thoughts, leave me vulnerable, exposed and aimless – running like a rabid dog in hunt of life.

Even worse, my tricks go bust, because no one is tricked. My family sees my limbs flailing about. My God sees everything. And, my insides see a hole too deep to climb out from.

The tension mounts, my heart asks:
How can I deal with my feelings without fleeing?

An answer settles: What pain we give God an opportunity to see, he’ll free.

Because God is a God of clear vision…
From heaven the Lord looks down
and sees all mankind;
from his dwelling place he watches
all who live on earth— he who forms the hearts of all…(Ps. 33:13-14)

…who cares.
who considers everything they do…. (Ps. 33:13-14)

And He sees deliverance and delivers deliverance to those who desperately hope in him.
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine. ( Ps. 33:18-19)

His tender mercy wants to approach us (Lu. 1:78). It doesn’t look like a hand raised. It doesn’t squint with eyes furrowed. It doesn’t pontificate with a red face. No. It is a cupped hand that holds you tenderly, as if you were a shell about to break into his glory.

Unfailing love wants to heal you. He wants to heal me too.

Will we let Deliverer deliver us from fear to faith?

We don’t need to hide from tender mercy. For it is, after all, what we most crave, isn’t it?

So today, gather your courage, put it in a line, get it ready to launch, and pray with me: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts (Ps. 139:23), make them plain to my eyes, Lord. Help me be able to handle them. Show me the way to go. Teach me. I am open.”

Then prepare your heart to be flooded by He who is – LOVE. He will lead your way through the muck and yuck. Through thick and thin. Through tears and healing.

He won’t let you down, as you look up.

It may not always feel easy or safe, but, every time, his ways are (Mt. 11:3o).

So, let’s no longer pull the comforter over our eyes, for the Spirit is comforter (Jo. 14:26) and his vision will see us through.

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You Have Nothing To Prove

June 9, 2016

Karina Allen

approval, Contentment, expectations, failure

1 Comment

Post by Karina

We live in such a loud world with ridiculously loud voices and big personalities. We live in a culture where flashy and elaborate get noticed. We live in a society where those who are the loudest are often times the ones that receive promotion. Their gifts and talents are perceived as valuable and desirable. Quiet faithfulness has become minimized. And unfortunately, I have noticed this type of thinking has crept its way into the church and ministry.

I am the opposite of loud. I tend to be more reserved and observant. I have talents and gifts. I believe God is using them, but I don’t always feel seen or noticed by those around me. I was having a conversation with my friend Aleah recently and we were discussing the topic of not feeling good enough and feeling unseen. I actually think about this topic quite often as I observe church life around me and life on the interwebs.

I don’t ever want to be on a stage or do some great thing just for the sake of claiming the size. I would only ever fill those spaces if God calls me to that and equips me for it. I don’t need to be the center of attention. But as someone who finds herself in hidden places more often than not, to be considered for something is massive.

That speaks to my heart and my soul in countless ways. I am not necessarily looking for approval or to be deemed good enough by others. But God designed community to work in this way…for us to truly know others and be known by them.

We call out the gold in others.

We believe the best in each other.

We give opportunities for others to lead.

We celebrate the wins of others.

It’s easier for me to fall into the trap of comparison when I focus on what I am not, instead of what I am. I don’t have anything to prove by pretending to be someone I’m not and neither do you. We are God’s unique masterpiece. We have nothing to prove to Him. He has already approved us.

You were created on purpose.

“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13

Before the foundations of the world, you and I were on the mind of God. That blows my mind! I cannot even comprehend that! But, there it is in God’s perfect, infallible Word. So, I believe it. That means He took time and care to form us from the inside out. Everything about us is on purpose…our hair color, our height, our likes, our dislikes, our passions, our burdens, what makes us laugh and what makes us cry. He doesn’t make mistakes. All that He does is good. That includes us.

When others don’t acknowledge you as a masterpiece, remember God calls you priceless.

You are an heir to God’s throne.

“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, He gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12

My friends are my family. The Lord is my Father and mother. The Body of Christ is home. In environments that stress marriage and children as being the end all, be all, can leave a single girl like me feeling lonely and unqualified for what God has called me to. But, this verse tells me that if I have received Christ and believed in His name, I am a child of God. I received Him and have believed in His name. I’m in. If you have as well, you are in. How amazing! In the world of adoption, once you are adopted, you can’t be un-adopted. That is how God treats us. Once we are grafted in, we are a part of His family for eternity.. We are sealed with the Holy Spirit. There is not one thing that can separate us from His love or His family.

You have a calling.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

Before creation, not only were we on the mind of God, but He assigned us a task and a calling for our lives. We honestly don’t ever have to wonder if we have a calling. We do. It’s simply to know God and make Him known. It plays out differently in the details of our lives, but it’s the same for all of us. Once we come to know Christ, life is not really about us anymore. We are to become others focused. We are to love, serve, bless, encourage and heal the hurting and forgotten around us.

Let’s not waste our time nor energy trying to hustle and prove ourselves to the world or to the Lord. Let’s walk out unity and honor and watch God elevate us to our next place of promise, in His perfect timing.

He sees us.
He knows us.
We are His.

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Karina is a devoted follower of Jesus from New Orleans, Louisiana, but has made her home in Baton Rouge for the past 15 years. She spends much of her time leading worship at church, writing, reading, dancing and mentoring the next generation. She has a huge heart for serving and missions. She is an advocate for the local church especially the one that she attends, Healing Place Church. She also enjoys working out, traveling, photography and going to concerts/conferences.

Karina believes that every woman has a God-sized dream on the inside of them and it is up to an encouraging community to help nurture that dream. Her goal in writing is to see women get a revelation of God’s Word and discover how to apply it to their lives in order to walk in freedom and live the life that God intended. But the most important thing to her is to live out the call of Isaiah 26:8…For His Name and His Renown are the desire of our souls! You can connect with her at “For His Name and His Renown.”

The Catcher, The Change-Up, and Summer Preparedness

June 7, 2016

Katie Reid

Contentment, failure, fear, Regular Contributor

1 Comment

Softball is usually a major part of our summer activities. The kids and I pack up the van and head over to the local park to cheer my husband on as he plays. Adam usually plays shortstop—he’s quite good. But between wrangling kids and catching up with friends, I often miss some of the key moments of the game.

The position that amazes me is the catcher. I’m always worried about his knees. How does he hold that position for so long?

A lot of game-changing moments take place in front of home plate. The game can be going along in a predictable pattern and then whack! the catcher has to be ready to spring into action.

The catcher is ready for anything—even the change-up. Flexibility is his strength. His body is limber and his mind is engaged— ready to respond to whatever is thrown at him. When the pace changes, he adjusts.

I want to be like the catcher:

I want to be marked by adaptability, ready for the unexpected, and not thrown off balance when it comes.

When the pace of life changes I want to adjust and learn to embrace what’s in front of me.

I want my knees to be strong because they are bent often, in prayer.

When God brings a change-up, I don’t want to be thrown off balance.

Summer will soon be upon us. Are we prepared for this new season? Are we ready to be flexible? Are we willing to bend low so that we’re ready for what’s coming? Will we adjust to the change of pace or experience burnout from running ourselves ragged?

Come on over to Katie M. Reid’s blog as she continues this discussion and hosts the #RaRaLinkup…

3 Ways to Emotionally Win Arguments

May 31, 2016

purposefulfaith

Contentment, failure, faith, fear

7 Comments

I didn’t want to do it, but there I was stuck right in the center of my kitchen, in the mess of it. I leaned in, my temperature boiling, this woman just was not understanding my point.

“There’s no changing a mind like hers,” I thought, “She’s impenetrable.”

I glared. I guess, God was going to have to teach her the hard way – and I was certain I wasn’t going to be praying blessings over her life anymore! Take that!

She is not understanding me. She is hurting me. This is all her fault.

Isn’t it funny how we think? We can even know our thinking is faulty, that we are some small iota in the wrong, but still, we grab onto our small point as if it is a helicopter dropping down a life-line. We think it will get us to battle won, but we usually much more feel like it is battle done as we are left stranded at the top of a building, waving our hands. Helpless. Uncertain. With no one around to fix our aching heart.

Her words approached me strong. Her defensiveness writhed. So did mine, for that matter.

Do your arguments go round and round making you feel like the loser?

Do you start to look at the person like enemy rather than friend?

Usually, I figure, the other person:

Will never listen.
Doesn’t care enough to listen.
Doesn’t get me.
Thinks wrongly about me.
Is always going to win.

Just admitting what you believe about the other fighter is helpful, I find. Lightbulbs go off.

Lightbulb 1: When you’re in mindset – self-protection, it is easy to go into mode – manipulation.

^“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Cor. 13:4-7)

I don’t do all that. I do other things in the heat of battle; I injure.

Admission and confession offer permission for God to move in.

Lightbulb 2: Love is not me, it is God’s presence in me. The pressure is off.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” (2 Tim. 1:7)

Reading this verse makes me want to create a little plaque I hang over my kitchen sink, saying: No fear needed, for with love, I am equipped to win.

This means I stand in the center of the kitchen-tornado with:

1. Power – Christ’s power in me; it does not look like a weak girl getting pummeled but like a force of peace.
2. Love – I have the supernatural power of Jesus Christ; he will help me forward it on.
3. Self-discipline – The ability to know when to speak and when to shush up. I have power to have power over myself. I am not without strength; God made me full of it – in him.

I keep on remembering these 3 things as I am talking; It makes a difference.

I am not without, I am with God, with his grace, with his arsenal of mercy. This is not weak, it is strong. This is not flailing, it is thriving. This is not anger, it is progress.

Lightbulb 3: If Jesus didn’t condemn me, man can’t either. I can always operate from a place of intentional love rather than injured fear.

Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. Jo. 3:18

I wish I could tell you that day, I won the battle, I didn’t. I lost some pride.

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Going with God instead of Going in Fear

May 17, 2016

purposefulfaith

Contentment, failure, faith, fear

35 Comments

Here I am. Somewhere new.

My husband and I packed it all in the car…every single item we could. Balls went into crannies, books went in nooks and luggage found container spots I never knew existed. We drove 20 hours straight. Sleepless. Determined. Eager. Excited. Taking a one-hour sleep detour at a highway-hugging rest stop, so as not to kill ourselves.

I was headed somewhere new.
Expecting better.
Letting the carrot call me.
It always has…

I wanted a new school to teach me new things, so I would finally be smart. I wanted new friends to finally love me. I wanted new clothes rather than a uniform. I wanted new experiences to make me wise. I wanted a new place to make me new, the shiny girl that everyone wanted.

What new are you searching for?

Somewhere else. That is the place of promise…

It looks great until you get there, then you see what is wrong with it.

Then you see – flaws.

My first thought: “This place doesn’t have that much.”
My second thought: “I don’t have any friends here.”
My third thought: “I am going to have a horrible summer.”

I gazed out my shiny new window, “Things aren’t going to turn out. I’m going to hate life here.”

What pile sits before you – that you can’t sort? What looks impossible?

My husband approached, somehow reading my mind, “God has whispered to me…’Kelly, we need to see his good, his life, his opportunity.’“

God is greater than meets the eye – his great is always ready to unfold.

Beyond trash, there is a God who knows the route. A God who sees the whole horizon. A God who knows how to steer around potholes. A God who is well aware of the way.

Will I embark? Will I step up as the traveler, along for the ride? Sitting under shelter? Waiting on his timing? Soaking in his opportunities? Expectant of the view?

Yet, believing, all the same, that every road ends at love, which is the real feeling of being enraptured into beautiful.

“And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. (Is. 58:11)

I am driving into his presence.

By day the LORD went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night. Ex. 13:21

He will sit over me and be over me.
He will sit over you and be over you.

He will progress me into his progress.
He will progress you into his progress.

He will help me see the horizon of the new he is going to do.
He will help you to see the horizon of the new he is going to do.

He will be. And so will I.

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Ps. 46:10)

And, just doing that opens up a whole new view. A trajectory. A horizon of hope. A story about to unfold.

You are, God – God. Today I declare it and tomorrow I will continue to believe it. Amen.

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7 Actions that Stifle Unstoppable Faith

May 13, 2016

purposefulfaith

expectations, failure, faith, fear

4 Comments

I remember as a girl, I always wanted to see over the counter. I was convinced that at the bank, there was some magical land of lollipops and rainbows beyond the reach of the counter that extended above my head. I wasn’t privy to that party.

There is something about growing – about knowing that you are heading you’re supposed to be going. About letting life’s happenings naturally becoming learnings. About seeing progress. About getting a view.

I feel that way with God too. I want to grow so high with God, I get a view of all his glorious riches, right beyond the barrier of my mind, will and ways. I want to get to where he is.

All this makes me reflect:

Am I stagnating or progressing with God?

Am I growing or regressing?

What about you?

Anyone who isn’t with me opposes me, and anyone who isn’t working with me is actually working against me. Mt. 12:30

Often, I am not working with God. I am working with myself, for myself and by myself. It’s called Kelly Utopia where everything is structured, finite and detailed. God gets in at prayer times and at extreme moments of need. Beyond that, he mostly finds himself stuck beyond the glass barriers of my bubble. I hang the sign, “Keep out God. Only Kelly’s Plans Allowed.”

I want to grow contagious and unstoppable faith. Perhaps, this means it is time I consider what is hindering it…

7 Actions that Stifle Unstoppable Faith

1. An oblivious heart – If you think you’ve got it all together, guess what?! You don’t.
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Ps. 139:23

2. A stubborn will – If you never confess, you will someday attest that your life feels in the boondocks and God’s gone left you.
Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. Rev. 2:5

3. Over-working – If you get so busy doing, that you forget to see how God is loving, you will find yourself panting and out of breath with no energy left to go anywhere.
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God… (Eph. 2:8)

4. Self-thoughts – If you are thinking of self, you can’t be thinking of God. If you are in your ways, you can’t be in his. But, if you communing with God, you are comingling with grace. This is where growth happens. It is also called prayer.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. James 4:8

5. Knowing what is wrong and doing it anyway – Enough said.
Whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. Ja. 4:17

6. Succumbing to lies – If you let in anything but truth, you will live by lies. Who have you been listening to?
You were running well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth? Gal. 5:7

7. Getting proud – You can’t let in, him whom you don’t think you need.
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Prov. 11:2

Now, after looking at this list, if you are anything like me, your first inclination, might be to stare in the mirror and give yourself a quick backslap for messing up so much. For doing 6 out of the above seven things. For falling so short.

Shoulders slumped, you might feel that daddy doesn’t really want you anymore. This brings us back to #6, because that is a lie. God loves us. God wants us. It is for this reason he gives us these truths, these guideposts that lead us to the right way. He wants us on his trail – with him – holding his hand. He wants us in step with him. He wants connection like we do. He wants our great faith to bring us somewhere great. He is for us (Ro. 8:31).

With this, I want to let go – to God, what I have done wrong and start afresh. Do you? For God says, our sins are lost, not to ever again be found. Pardoned, for, us, those he has saved. (Jer. 50:20)

This feels like a fresh breath of air delivered like a shot to my lungs.

And, just knowing this – it also feels like growth. It feels a lot like peering over the counter right into God’s face.

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That’s “Nacky”

May 12, 2016

Jami Amerine

blessings, expectations, failure, Holy Spirit, Speaking Truth

4 Comments

Do you have a funny word you embrace in your home that is totally understood by everyone under your roof, coined by a toddler?

When my sons were babies they called my daughter Maggie, “Yaya.” We still call her this.

My cousin called underwear “O-di-os.” And we rarely say underwear, they are O-di-os.

And it spans the generations. My husband’s family still teases about getting your “baby-soup” on so we can go swimming, a term my husband used as a toddler.

I am 44-years-old, and my family still calls washcloths “hoffcloths.” I have never lived down that which I said… when I was two.

Our oldest son John called spoons “Mooshes” and nasty “Nacky.” At our youngest son’s 1^st birthday the 3-year-old John was exasperated by his baby brother’s “nacky” face after he ate cake with his hands instead of with a “moosh.”

These word oddities are habits, often we must correct ourselves in public as the nonsense isn’t appropriate outside the clique of family.

Recently one of our kids made a mistake, he was mortified. The man-child went on a rant about his foolishness. I consoled him and encouraged. He couldn’t get past his folly and berated himself ruthlessly.

It broke my heart to him speak so harshly of himself. I rubbed his shoulder and mused, “Oh you are just being NACKY! Stop!”

He softened a bit and rolled his eyes. At 6’3” with a full beard, I am certain he wishes he could break away from the baby talk.

A couple days later I had to get on the scale at the doctor’s office.

Ugh.

My encounter with too many “Mooshes” was making my “O-di-os” too tight and my body was not ready for “baby-soup” season.

I grumbled at myself – disgust.

I mumbled ugliness about my lack of self-control and my disdain for my current state.

I blew my nose and wiped some tears and heard a familiar, still voice from deep within.

“That’s nacky.”

And I knew the voice.

And I knew the term.

And I knew the voice meant my critical assault on self, not the size of my hiney.

I was being “nacky.”

And more than tears over my current physical struggles, I was slain by a wave of love from my Heavenly Father.

I was reminded that “nacky” feeling I had when my son was hating on himself for making a mistake. A mistake that could be remedied. A mistake that was done without malice, simply an earthly mistake. In an instant I was in unison with my Lord and all the ways, He parents me.

He wanted me to ease up. He wanted me to turn to Him and talk, ask for help, and then let go. And no, not let go and continue to not care for myself, His daughter. But to stop haranguing myself with “nacky” self-hatred.

Just like the horribleness I felt when my child was so unforgiving with his folly, God opened my eyes to the parallels of my punitive words.

His gentleness continues to move me. A good Father, encourager, and devoted parent who craves a chance to nurture and love on me. He died that I might have amity with this life. His spirit lingers, whispering tender love and peaceable direction.

His love is perfect.

His parenting flawless.

He is completely void of nackiness….

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! –1 John 3:1

May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami

When You Don’t Know What to Do

May 10, 2016

purposefulfaith

awe, Contentment, doubt, expectations, failure, faith

39 Comments

I am living in the center of chaos. Clothes are hanging off the brink of my mind. Papers are strewn all over the place – and I am quite certain the wind just blew one in my face.

I feel like I am stuck in a desolate landfill of all the stuff I have consumed over the last 4 years – stuff I don’t really need. Stuff that holds me back in a way, from being free. It tethers me to the demand that I find – home (big home, even). It demands I – arrive somewhere. It pushes me. I glare at it.

I guess I want to be free. Free to find home with no reservations required – as the Spirit leads.

To be delivered to the Promised Land of peace, friends and love – unrestrained.

I haven’t gotten there yet. That stinkin’ place? It eludes me.

You too?

What place do you want to be delivered to?

What home of peace, answers, calm, relational bliss or finances are you pining for?

I sat down, in the center of it all, everything I wanted to escape – and placed my face in my hands. I looked at all the things I couldn’t handle, I considered all I couldn’t bring about and I realized there was nothing left to do. Anxiety can nearly kill a woman, you know.

The pressure to do, the stern inner dictates and the will to take care of all the baby birds, it’s enough to induce panic.

“God, save me from my self. Show me your ways.”

Every prayed that prayer?

It works. He answers.

It takes the traveler, the one stuck to eternal roaming with bags too large and heavy for her own britches and sends her on her way. She moves from jet-lagged and famished, walking around, searching (otherwise called living-hell) – and heads home.

She gets somewhere.

Something rises up.

It sounds like this: “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (Is. 30:21)

Bags unloaded, it is a resting spot. Where, bags down, you lay and look up. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It doesn’t matter what time your flight is to destination delightful. It doesn’t matter how you go about making it there. It just matters that God is going to be faithful.

When you see God and you see his way – it doesn’t matter so much about – your way.

A voice rises above the mayhem. It is not about being delivered from what plagues you, but being delivered to – who calms you.

I missed all that.
Have you?

The truth is:

Jesus wants to be with me – wherever I stand.

Jesus has a way for me – wherever I am.

Jesus has planned life for me- in whatever I do.

Jesus has truth laid out for me – wherever I go.

I don’t have to fret the when – for Jesus already figured out – the how.

He’s never one to let me fail – and every time his love prevails.

The world may spin, but the cross is steady; it is planted in the solid rock of truth. Truth walks me to life. Life is knowing, God will lift my foot up and put it where it needs to go. He will manage my wavering opinions, doubts and fears.

Do you believe he will do that for you?

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. Prov. 16:9

I lean back. My lungs fill. We don’t have to control chaos, peace knows the way. And out of the chaos, we get what we were always after – home – his waiting love.

The question is, will we, like prodigal children, return to it?

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