There’s one particular friend who can’t seem to do things exactly right. It’s as though when she buys me a gift, it’s the one color I dislike. When she says she’ll see me soon, she forgets because she “had to run more errands” and shows up 30 minutes late. When she’s trying to be thoughtful, it’s awkward.
Now, issues like this would be fine as an isolated incident, but she always and repeatedly acts this way.
I know her heart, but she lets me down – even though her intentions are good.
It is easy for me to judge her. And, I have. Her wrong timing. Her wrong words. Her wrong ways.
But, recently, I’ve been wondering if I’ve been wrong?
God says: “Bear with each other . . . ” (Col. 3:13 NIV)
Where God wants us to bear with one other, the enemy wants to tear us apart.
Recently, I started noticing my 7-year old son’s tendency for ungratefulness. I’ll buy him the world and he acts as though I owe it to him. I go out of my way to reverse my car so he can see one particular person that looks like his teacher and he gets upset I didn’t do it fast enough. I make him a special dinner and he hardly notices. He tells me he wanted something different.
I’m like my son. I get ungrateful. I don’t see the good. I want things to cater to me at times.
I repent of this. The reality is, this friend is not perfect, but she’s pursuing relationship as best she can. She has many outstanding characteristics about her. She is giving. She makes time to show up. She goes out of her way to be thoughtful.
I’ve been hard on her. I’ve made a mistake.
I am sorry God. Father, will you help me to see the good in others, before critiquing the bad? Will you help me give thanks for the beauty you’ve created in them, even when it is hard to see?
“Make allowance for each other’s faults . . . ” (Col. 3:13 NLT)
May I make allowance so I can draw closer rather than giving enemy room to drive us apart. Thank you for your help, Father God.
Forgiveness feels good when it comes my way. It scratches my itch for another chance. It lets me back in when I should be left out.
But when it’s time for me to forgive, forgiveness may feel awkward or even unfair. I know it’s the right thing to do. It’s what Jesus did for us on Calvary’s Cross. It’s what He does for me daily.
O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help. (Psalm 86:5 NLT)
Forgiveness moves us forward. I was reminded of its force when I saw a church sign a few years ago.
It read “If you stole our stuff, we forgive you.”
As I consider hurt feelings over a recent relationship struggle, the words on the sign inspire me to say: “Although you stole my stuff, I forgive you.”
I don’t know what items were missing from the church. But I do know the “items” missing from my heart.
Trust. Treasured memories. Future plans.
Are stolen items missing from your heart too? Are chunks of dignity or pieces of a dream absent? Forgiveness doesn’t change what happened, but it changes what could happen if we don’t forgive. We may become bound to the thing we disdain instead of becoming free to walk in God’s purpose.
And yet, I’m still learning.
Forgiveness is how we grow in front of people. Bitterness is how we grow weary by what happened.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:31 and 32 NLT)
Letting go of an offense is a strenuous “growth opportunity.” Our pain matters. But what Christ did for us matters too. We must decide if what He did matters most.
I can be tempted to fix things myself with a sharp-tongue or misguided perspective until I realize…
Forgiveness acknowledges what went wrong while trusting God to make it right.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5 and 6 NLT)
It’s not always easy, but He can always be trusted.
I hope the person who stole the church’s items stepped up, made amends and met the Savior. I see Christ working in my struggling relationship in both tough and tender moments.
I want Him to take over my perspective when forgiveness is required.
I praise Him for taking what was meant for evil and turning it into something good.
If your “stuff is stolen,” God knows all about your pain. Whether you need to meet the Savior or need to grow in front of people, may you be restored by His grace and move forward.
About Joy A. Williams
Joy A. Williams is an author, blogger, and speaker. She has served as a small-group Bible study leader, Women’s Conference and Retreat speaker for over twenty years. Her years of experience of encouraging others with God’s grace has deepened her enjoyment of sharing His life-changing truth in Christ.
She is the author of Friendship MAPS: A Journey through Maturity, Aspirations, Perspectives, and Struggles. Joy shares “hope for the heart and joy to the soul” on her weekly blog (at https://joyAwilliams.com) and she loves living life in North Carolina with her husband Brady and their son.
In addition to subscribing to her weekly blog, you can also connect with Joy on Twitter or Facebook @joytothesoul and on Pinterest @joy2thesoul.
I feel convicted. It is easy to read God’s word and to say, “Yep, that thing right there is what I need to do…”. Yet it is quite another thing to do it. It is easy to develop a three-step plan for improvement, but it is hard to see it through. It is easy to remind yourself of all the ways you really need to change. And then to never find change.
At home, as a mom, I’ve recognized 3 things that need to change:
1. I give in to my children when they ask repeatedly for something.
2. I desperately avoid paths of resistance to keep everyone happy.
3. I have a hard time setting boundaries because I feel guilty.
Friends, I guess I feel a little angry at myself that I haven’t changed these things already. That I haven’t recognized them and reworked them. That I still struggle. That I cause issues at home sometimes. That I can’t stand it when people feel unhappy or angry at me.
I know I am wrong; I am a pushover. I am disappointed in myself.
Maybe you feel like me; disappointed in how you are, what you are doing or where you are today. Maybe you’ve told yourself you’re going to stop cussing, start praying or you’re 100% going to speak nicely now. Or that you’re going to get yourself to where you want to go.
Are we justified to feel this way? To “get our self where we want to go”? To “work up” some sort of inner-heart conversion?
Only God can change a heart.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” (Ezekiel 36: 26-27)
Notice:
– God gives us a new heart.
– By his work, he removes the stone.
– The Spirit, in us, moves us to follow God’s decrees and laws.
Only by a work of God can we work-out any real and lasting life change.
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Ps. 127:1
So where does this leave us? In prayer and with faith.
God will complete the good work He has begun in us. (Phil. 1:6) We no longer need to be angry at ourselves but 100% trustworthy in the Saviors saving work, that is at work within us.
It’s an easy thing to forget, I know. We forget things that we are inside of often. For instance, how often do we think, “I am in the system,” or “I am inside the state of ___.”
We rarely consider where we are – although we should. Because when you realize positionally where you are, it situationally reframes the world around you.
What needs reframing in your life? Are you aggravated at a boss? Discouraged at your lack of initiative? So busy you can’t even consider God? Demoralized by the words of people around you? Unsure about the direction you should head? Feeling depressed or powerless to change your circumstances.
Remember where you are. Realize positionally that you are in God’s love to change situationally – everything.
When you are inside God’s love, you realize you are: H.I.S. You dwell on the fact you are H.I.S.
You are:
1. Hidden in Christ.
“For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” (Col. 3:3)
If you accepted Christ, in Him (inside all His glory, power, honor, might, strength, wisdom) your life is now hidden. You don’t have to fear the future, because you can trust in His providence to change everything.
2. Invincible in Battle.
“Who is the King of glory? The LORD, strong and mighty; the LORD, invincible in battle.” (Ps. 24:8 NLT)
If you are in Christ, hidden in Him, then – because of Him – you actually become invincible in battle. This is powerful. The King of Glory can go where He wants, in a way that is invincible to the enemy of your life. Take a moment to receive this truth in your mind. Don’t gloss over this point.
3. Secured as you trust.
“Your life in Christ makes you strong, and his love comforts you.” (Phil. 2:1 GNT)
In Christ, you are strong. In Christ, love comforts you. In Christ, you get everything you need to face whatever mountain stands against you.
You will not be wavered, but full of Christ. You will not be taken down, but covered in his love. You will not give up, but stand firm.
Friends, you are H.I.S. Put your trust in Him. Dwell on these three points. Situationally, you’ll find things radically change. Keep hope and find yourself, in Him.
Feelings can be frightening, overwhelming a heart to the point of desperation and misery. Or prisons, entrapping one to past experiences, traumas or memories. Often they become future proclamations, declaring over us, “What was, always will be. You’ll never escape this emotion.” Feelings, on the other hand, can be amazing, liberating and soul-rejuvenating. Just think of the best day of your life!
What do we do with them?
Up, down and all around – they move like the wind. Like a hurricane or an underground rocking that shakes the foundation of who you are. I get all this. I know how anger has made me act, in days of old. I remember getting all up into my sisters face. And the feelings of self-annoyance I perpetually lived with. The depression that made me feel like there was no good way out of life.
Feelings can be fun, or no fun. They can be old and then haunt us again.
Yet, just because they show up on our doorstep doesn’t mean we have to answer the door so they stay forever. We are not obligated to say, “Come on in and make yourself at home.”
I fear some of you have done this. Sadly, now old feelings are cramping your good style. They’ve spread out all over the space of your soul, heart and mind, stealing your attention on God, negating God’s good plan for your life and telling you that there’s no way you can be enough.
People ask me what to do with “feelings”?
Well, I think when we see them at our doorstep, we peep out the side window and first acknowledge them. We allow them and we even bring them to God. There he is again, “Mr. Disappointment” I see him there, trying to get in. God, what do you think about this? What does your word say about hanging out with this emotion for too long?
Then, with wisdom, we decide whether or not they can sit in our house for long periods of time.
We can do this by asking ourselves a few questions:
1. Are these feelings going to cause me to dwell on what is “true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy” or lesser things? (Phil. 4:8) Are they leading me to life or death?
2. Are they reinforcing God’s truth or are they backed by lies?
Example: If God says he is “for us”, we would not be wise to dwell in hopelessness that believes, “God is not for me.”
3. Are they helping me to love God (and others) with all my heart or do they cause me to pull away from this?
If we’re called to do all things in love, anything contending against it should be heart-checked.
Friends, we don’t have to declare our initial feelings as “bad”, ignore them or hate ourselves for them. However, we do need to see them for what they are, quickly, and make moves to let Godly-facts take precedence over wavering-feelings.
Why? Because sadness soon turns into isolation. Rejection soon turns into depression. Anger soon turns into a division. Loneliness soon turns a bottle. You get the picture.
Don’t make a long-term resident of a feeling that should only be seen as a passing-by door-to-door salesman. Yep, Kelly sees you there wanting to sell a whole bunch of stuff, but God’s got a better word than you. She’s listening to truth, over feelings. And letting that be her guide…
So much has hit me in just a few years. Leaks, a flooded house, relational problems, health issues, a hurricane… It all keeps on coming. It seems like just as one friend overcomes something, another gets cancer. Just as someone needs prayer, I get hit by a huge personal life-problem. Grr… a rain cloud has set in over my house. And an enemy is on the loose. #It’sABattle
The enemy comes to steal God’s truth, kill good intentions and destroy what God loves, without apology. He’s relentless. He stops at no one, and nothing. He salivates at the thought of biting. He doesn’t care if we’re on our last leg. #IamTired
With all this darkness, I keep focusing on the darkness. Does the same ever happen to you? #Battle
Do you keep re-hashing problem situations?
Do you agonize over what could have been?
Do you fret because you wish there was another way?
Do you play out all the different options in your head?
Darkness breeds darkness. Attention given to darkness steals our attention from the light.
God says we’ve been transferred from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light. (Col. 1:13)
There is wisdom in asking ourself, “Are we dwelling on light or on the dark?”.
Battle Ready Tactic #103 (aka. light versus darkness):
Darkness never brings light. To reach the light, you have to venture past darkness.
The How-Tos of this Tactic- Get out of the dark: Think of God. Think of His attributes. Think of His Word. Think of His ways. Give thanks. This moves us from dungeon-dwelling to light-bright living. It illuminates the desires, will and ways of God. It moves us out of the place of stuck-ness, to God’s better thing.
You can start to put this into action by dwelling on these six verses:
“He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” (John 4:4)
Translation: Christ in you trumps the enemy warfare around you.
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7)
Translation: The devil runs from those submitted to godliness.
“Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing will injure you.” (Luke 10:19)
Translation: Tread on the enemy, because God has given us power to do so. Nothing will injure you. Actively tread, so you don’t feel tread.
“We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the One who was born of God keeps them safe, and the evil one cannot harm them.” (1 John 5:18)
Translation: As you shed your sinning, God effectively keeps the enemy from doing the harming.
“The LORD will keep you from all harm– he will watch over your life.” (Ps. 121:7)
Translation: The God who sees you, keeps you.
“But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.” (2 Thess. 3:3)
Translation: Part of God’s faithfulness is his protection from the evil one’s attacks in your life.
Do you feel a shift?
Friend, no matter how it looks, you are not in the dark. The enemy hasn’t snuffed out your light. Your situation is not too much of a fright for God. Your days aren’t numbered and doomed. Nope. God has a purpose and plan for your life. He has wisdom and unsearchable things to teach you. He has light He wants to shed on some of your most difficult situations.
About Battle Ready: Train Your Mind to Conquer Challenges, Defeat Doubt & Live Victoriously
“The best time to be strengthened against the Enemy’s tactics of doubt, disappointment, and devastation is before he makes his first move toward us. We all desperately need the biblical guidance and preparation found in Battle Ready!”
Lysa TerKeurst, New York Times bestselling author and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries
Battle Readyis a hands-on scriptural plan that teaches you twelve easy-to-implement, confidence-building mind-sets designed to transform your thoughts and, therefore, your life. You’ll gain practical wisdom, like how to
· make new habits stick in just five steps
· disarm the seven most common attacks that plague women
· exchange self-limiting thoughts for purpose-driven, love-releasing thoughts
· implement thirty-second mind-lifters that deliver peace
· create boundaries so you live life full of what matters
To get Battle Ready freebies – printables, devotional reminders, a customizable daily Battle Plan and the “Find Your Battle Style” quiz, visit: www.iambattleready.com
Unfortunately, I usually default to the bad outlook. Somehow I figure if I focus on what is wrong, I can fix it. Or, if I see what is not right, I’ll have a better handle on it. Or, if I know every detail of the problem, I can lay out a plan. I also like sympathy from people. Emotionally, when I feel hurt, I want someone to make it better. Or, I want someone to really grasp my pain.
After a bit these actions cause issues. On-loading problems onto people almost always off-puts them. There’s a threshold people allow. They may walk away, roll their eyes, tell you to get over it or not call you back. You really have to be careful about going “too far”, I’ve found. But more important than this is – we don’t need sympathy from man, what we really need is empathy and love from God. He is the only thing who will ever fill us up.
So, how do we find this?
Psalm 57 has some interesting answers.
David complains, “I’m surrounded by fierce lions…” (Ps. 57:4)
Shortly thereafter he says, “Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens.” (Ps. 57:5)
David whines, “My enemies have set a trap for me…” (Ps. 57:6)
Shortly thereafter he says, “My heart is confident in you, O God.” (Ps. 58:7)
In the place of “not so good at all” thoughts, David gets back to “good”, quickly. His mouth runs ahead of his mind for a second. Then, he catches up to “good” with God’s truth.
We can do the same. Even if we think “not so good” thoughts, we can catch right back up to goodness, by immediately changing course, just like David. We can dwell on thoughts of:
1. Praise
“I will waken the dawn with my song.” (Ps. 57:8)
2. Protection
“I will look to you (God) for protection.” (Ps. 57:1)
3. Promises
“…God who will fulfill His purposes for me.” (Ps. 57:2)
4. Power
“He (God) will send help from heaven to save me.” (Ps. 57:3)
5. Passion for God
“My heart is confident in you, O God.” (Ps. 57:7)
David didn’t always think perfectly, but he returned to the Perfect One, quickly and readily. We can do the same. We won’t ever be perfect, but above us, around us and for us – is the Perfect One who has all our answers. He answers when we call. Not only this, He sympathizes with our pains, holding our every tear in a bottle (Ps. 56:8).
My son is at a new school.
He’s still getting used to making friends.
He’s not on the basketball court during recess.
He’s a little shy.
He’s pretty small for his age.
I’m quite sure he’s desperately wanting to be liked, approved and wanted.
We all are.
At his school relay race I hoisted him on my back. As I did, the little guy bent down towards my ear and said, “Mommy, run as hard as you can.” Something took over me. I was going to do this run for him. I’d carry him so well, so proud, so fast – he could finally have a moment to feel proud.
And I did just that. At “Go!” I exploded. Fast. Focused. Almost wild-like.
A mom told me, “Kelly, you ran so fast. I was a little worried, but you made it.”
The reality is: I wanted to redeem my son’s story. I wanted to give him a moment to be proud of. I wanted him to understand his mommy would always carry him.
God does the same for us.
We aren’t struggling alone. We aren’t stuck in some environment where no one sees us.
“When I called, you answered me; you greatly emboldened me.” Ps. 138:3 NIV
Almighty God has a mighty eye on us.
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” Ps. 32:8
All-knowing God understands what we’re going through.
“This is what the LORD says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” 2 Chron. 20:15 NIV
All-powerful God is working on our behalf even when we don’t think he is.
“Do not be afraid of them; the LORD your God himself will fight for you.” Deut. 3:22 NIV
All-loving God would do anything to see our breakthrough.
“Blessed be the LORD, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle.” Ps. 144:1 NIV
Already-two-steps-ahead Father has a good plan in motion.
“I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron.” Is. 45:2 NIV
Altruistic Daddy would carry us, knight-in-shining-armor style out of any predicament.
“‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.” Zech. 4:6 NIV
Always, we are not alone, not left behind, not destroyed, not ruined, not the laughing stock, not forgotten, not ignored, not destroyed, not crushed, not left to rot. Always, we are helped, loved, carried and guided.
“But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Cor. 15:57 NIV
Oh yes. I thank God for this today. What about you?
Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This (suffering, pain death) shall never happen to you!” (Lu. 16:22)
Jesus replies to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.” (Mt. 16:23)
What is a stumbling block?
It is anyone or anything that tries to stumble you as you move on God’s road. Like Peter, people may have good intentions. Their words may even be comfortable, harmless, or normal, but if they’re stumbling you, they’re worth investigating.
Stumbling blocks often make us say, “Wait, was I really meant for all this? Will God really pull through for me? Is He really that good? Is his Word really true?”
When I consider stumbling block words, they tend to: question God’s plan, doubt his ability to show up, discourage what He is imprinting on a heart.
They speak fear instead of life and doubt instead of faith.
Will God really…? How is that possible…? Are you sure you want to…?
Wise people receive wise words from others.
But like Jesus, we are wise to rebuke voices contrary to the clear moves of God happening in our heart. Indeed, Satan often uses people to do his worst handiwork.
However, we can recognize his schemes. They tend to deter us from…
Holiness
God’s clear call for our life
Loving people as God is calling us to
Here, we can:
Rebuke the enemy within our mind, and ask God to give us fresh courage to see things through.
Forgive others if their words hurt us.
Pray and ask God what he wants us to learn through this situation.
Just because someone said something, doesn’t mean we have to own it. And just because we don’t own something, doesn’t mean we ignore what others have said. Perhaps they have a good point. Wisdom knows to sift it through God’s Word and prayer before deciding to accept or reject it.
I worked really hard to get up the hill. Pumping, huffing, standing, sitting, then standing again, I. Was. Going. To. Make. It. To. The. Top.
Nothing would stop me and my bike.
It’s often easy to get on a mission. We want to get somewhere and when we’re really committed, we see it through.
I made it to the top. Then came the decline.
Victory. As I glided down, I kept on peddling hard. Why?
No, really. . . why?
Why did I feed the need to peddle when it was a time to glide?
God says there is a time for everything:
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” Ec. 3:1KJV
There is a season to pump our legs hard; there is a season to glide; there is a season to cry; there is a season to rest; there is a season to give; there is a season to take.
Peaceful living, I am determining, has much to do with knowing the season God has placed you in. You don’t want to be laughing in the midst of your spouse’s grieving.
As I went down the hill, it was representative of a season: to glide. To let go of worries. To trust God with all the stuff I normally do. To hear his voice calling me to ministry outside of the internet. To wonder and awe at him doing really special things alone with me.
To step away from life, demands, blog requirements, and doing stuff as usual, because it’s not God’s heart for today…(noticing is half the battle).
Letting go is the other half. It’s recognizing that our current season doesn’t have to look like our last. In fact, I have to tell you, it shouldn’t. This is my opinion, however. It is my belief that when we push a round peg into a square hole, frustration feels as ever present as a hangnail.
But to move with the grace of God. . . this is like windsurfing in the direction of God’s move. You go with him. You let go of what you think things should be. You enjoy the wind on your face. You feel the moment. You come alive in what he is doing.
What season is God calling you into? What if instead of despising it, you decided to embrace it?
Prayer: God, in your presence there is fullness of joy. Keep me in your presence and peace. Keep me going in the direction you desire for me, and nowhere else. Let me go not according to what I think I should do, but according to what your heart is for me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
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