Car screamers.
Table screamers.
Mommy blamers.
Head shakers.
Mess makers.
Leg holders.
Peace breakers.
Early wakers.
Distraction forgers.
Time takers.
Kids.
Sometimes, the days feel more like I am stuck in an epic disaster than a classic romance story. I battle to push away wars not bubbles, tears not swing seats and fears not frozen stances of awe. Often, I feel like I am a baby entering a battlefield unprepared, rather than a soldier entering in with the arsenal of the Pinterest mommy.
Then, I feel guilty for being bad.
I feel the burden of being the deadbeat mom.
I feel shaken by the small blowups regarding small circles of cereal.
Before you say things to me, my mom friends. I know stuff.
I know stuff like:
Even though my heart longs for the quiet tenderness of God’s arms, God’s arms extend to the disheveled mayhem of my day.
and
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil. 4:13)
and
A moms job is her highest calling.
Got it. And thank you for that.
Now that we have that out of the way, can I be honest with you for a second? Can I ask you one honest, woman-to-woman question?
Why did God take woman and tell her to be still with him,
only to throw her to the wolves of toddlerism?
Why does he seemingly remove peace with God
to replace it with war with kids?
My heart has taken these questions, ripped them apart, shred by shred, and sat with the fragments of ugly reality. The shards, torn even more apart by my apparent inability.
And, I realize…
Sitting in the center of shards – is just where God wants me.
Sitting in the center of shards – is where God’s repair is found.
Sitting in the center of shards – is sitting in the center of needy,
the place where he knows first-aid is crucial.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Is. 40:29
God doesn’t tell me to buck up and press on,
he tells me to hunker down and cry out like a child.
And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Mt. 18:3
He whispers, “Hand me the shards.
I will knit together a house called holy.”
“Hurry up and tantrum before me,
and I will calm your worst fears.”
“You don’t have to look like a Christmas portrait of excellence,
because I am your excellence.”
I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor. 12:10
God doesn’t leave the mess, their mess, our mess and call it an abomination to all his white-laced glory. He looks at it to say, “Dear child, don’t miss it, you are standing in the midst of my glory. And I love how you run to receive my help.”
Carry on, friends, carry on.
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I just soaked this one in!
I recall the night my girl looked up to me while I tucked her in and she said “Mommy, I love you”…on this day it meant a lot to me. We had a rough day together and yet she saw my heart in my attempts in correcting and guiding her. I was grateful she still could say those words and put the whole day’s incidents behind!
Oh My!
I am grateful for reading this Kelly.
I am always blessed stopping over friend…
Keep up your good works.
Hugs and Loads of Blessings to you
Hunker down and cry out! < This is the answer so often! Thank you for sharing this honest post, because this girl feels like a bad mom all too often!
<3 Love your transparency! Thank you for these words today! #livefreeThursday
Oh the times I have run to my children and cried on them like a child begging for their forgiveness for shouting and they pat my back and tell me they forgive me, that is when I become child-like. They forgive so easily, just brush it away and it’s gone. It doesn’t resurface an hour later in their words as a “you did this and that” the way our adult words can do. Children can tear us down but build us up also.
“Single mama to 3 littles in a wheelchair and having a tough day”