Ahh!!!!
For days, I was internally screaming inside, while pretending to be there for my kids. I was internally agonizing, while trying to calmly answer questions about stop lights, and what’s for lunch and playdates with friends. Half the words they spoke would fly over my head, lest I pay attention and ignore the tight clenching pain of anxiety thumping in my chest. I tried to call myself to attention.
“Mommy, what do you think we will do for Valentine’s Day?” My kids asked me.
Who in the world knows?! My world is combusting! How will I handle what I am facing?! How can I disaster plan? If the worst-case scenario happens, how do I rise up?
Going somewhere else, in the car, while my kids chatted away, I could see all the dominoes falling. I could see all the marbles rolling everywhere, unable to be contained. I could envision my agony as I couldn’t handle the future.
Ever been there? Ever been in the place you never wanted to arrive to? Ever seen the darkness you didn’t want to see? Ever confronted a monster that you only hoped and prayed would pass you by?
And what do you do when you can’t stop thinking of worst-case scenarios?! When keep considering all the ways you’ll be hurt? When you’re already experiencing the shame that hasn’t even yet come?
These are viable questions. Ones I was contending with for days. . . God knows, I didn’t want to be anxious or worried, yet I kept on confessing to God – that I was.
So here I am.
And I’d be a liar to tell you I have everything all worked out at this point. I don’t. There seem to be a handful of problems I can’t fix on my own, but I can tell you, I found a couple verses that have really encouraged me. Here they are:
“The Lord is my Light and My Salvation – whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid. When the wicked, even my enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise against me, (even then) in this I will be confident.” (Ps. 27:1-4)
In these verses, I have safety.
The Lord is my Light. Light brings clarity, it brings direction on the best paths to walk and it, like a spotlight, can even be a weapon to blind opposition.
The Lord is my salvation. Salvation brings salvation. I will be saved. The Savior is faithful to save. I can rest in Him to do the saving work. I can turn to Him for salvation and trust Him. He may not only save me; He may save those who come in contact with me during this hard time. No one can come against the saving power of God. In this, there is no fear.
The Lord is my refuge. In Christ, I am in the biggest, most secure, steel-reinforced refuge. No one is as safe as Jesus. I am hidden in Christ and Christ is invincible in battle. I am protected, not a sitting duck. Enemy forces have a hard time penetrating that safety. I can trust Him to protect me.
The Lord is The Stronghold of My Life. When I feel like I have no hold on life, I can trust that God has a strong hold of my life. He knows everything going on. He sees every issue. He knows the way. He has a strong hold on my problem.
In this, I can cast my care on the Lord and trust Him with it. Full release is the only way. If I get in His way, I block the way. If I move out of the way – by releasing worry and fear, I make way for the Way Maker. It’s that simple.
What problem do you face? Why not let go of your worry and let Him carry your load, as you stand protected in Christ?
Prayer: Father, I need you. I need a Father to take care of me and to help me. I can’t figure all this out on my own. I need your direction, consolation and salvation. Help me to pray and give thanks more than I worry and fret. Give me faith for the battle. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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