Fear says,
“I don’t want you to do that. You better not go there.”
“I walked down a path and I saw the bad things that resulted.”
“You may get hurt.”
“I will have to carry your load.”
When we speak fear, we speak death into another person’s joy.
We speak the emotions of worst case scenarios into what could be another’s best.
We rain on another’s parade.
I don’t want to be that kind of person.
The kind of person that sees a child with a new balloon – and who then sucks the life right out of it.
I can try to justify it in love:
I don’t want them to be hurt.
I am saving us future pain.
They should know the truth.
But speaking fear is just criticism wrapped with a thin bow of “care”. The “care” bow doesn’t last, but often it’s the underlying words of fear that endure.
Are you raining on a parade?
Are you letting fear dictate your words to another?
To a spouse?
A child?
A friend?
I am guilty. I look at my 3-year old son, carrying big bucket of water and a huge smile, only to say, “Don’t spill that. I really don’t want to clean that up.”
While I know this is a small example, and it won’t ruin his life forever, it still conveys the point. What if, instead, I was to say, “Wow! That looks like fun. You are up to something cool. I want to be a part of that! Let’s take it outside.”
Instead of stealing joy, I am building into it.
I know, so often, I run so fast to fear…
Fear that ruins.
Fear that cripples.
Fear that overshadows emotions.
Fear stands for:
Fun
Ends
And you’re left…
Rejected
What’s the other alternative? Love.
Love stands for:
Letting
Obstacles
Vanish and
Enduring Faith Win
Love doesn’t see issues, but sees hope.
Love doesn’t see threats, but sees opportunity.
Love doesn’t see differences, but common pain.
Love doesn’t see the words “you can’t”, but encourages through the words “you can.”
Love doesn’t see the potential downfall, but a chance for greater faith to be forged.Love doesn’t run to save, but trusts Jesus to.
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Oh my goodness! I love the way you defined Fear and Love here! I can be a total joy-killer with my kids when fear takes root in my heart. And friend, unfortunately, I have been there a time or two, made a camp, hung out laundry and thought about posting a mailbox. It hasn’t been pretty. But God… Oh, He is a redeemer, Amen! Even now, as my children are older and fear can sneak in, when I repent to them, His grace makes a way for bridge building that my words tear down. Thankfully, He he doesn’t give up on me and is teaching me to speak life words and pause enough to let Him lead. I always hear that verse, a soft gentle word turns away wrath, when the fear monster makes an appearance. Once in a while, I listen to that gentle voice and LOVE comes in and dispels the lie that fear concocts for me to look at. Perfect love casts out fear.
🙂 Blessings,
Dawn
What a bright, cheery message to encourage us to be encouragers and to speak life, optimism, and hope instead of fear, reservation, and doubt. That example you gave about your son and the bucket hit home with me. How many times do I say things like this? Oh Lord, help me to communicate a positive, joyful spirit! Blessings on your linkup day, Kelly!
God is always teaching us Betsy. He is always saying new things to me. I just want to soak it all in. I know you do too!
Kelly, thank you for always being so transparent…your example with your three year old son reminds me of similar moments with my three year old grandson…we only have this moment…and when he enthusiastically says, “Mimi, let’s run!” …may I always say, “Come on!” ❤️
I think God is calling us to be real. He has powerful things to say when we get real. Yay! I love how you speak love.
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I love this! Your acronyms for Fear and Love are powerful. I love the reminder that we build into fear with our words or actions and it is something I choose often because it seems to be my typical reaction. When you share “speaking fear is just criticism wrapped with a thin bow of “care”, I knew you were speaking to me. May we all release the fear today and let love reign in our hearts were the fear has been let free. Have a blessed day friend!
Thank you Mary. I am glad you liked the acronyms! I am glad this spoke to you Mary! 😉
Kelly,
Still, when my grown, adult children leave my home, I can’t help but call out, “Be careful.” I guess it’s just ingrained in me to do that. Sure, I want them to be safe, but it made me think about how many times I inadvertently rained on their parade by speaking fear instead of love. I pray that the words out of my mouth would be encouragement and love and not fear and judgment. Thanks for a great reminder this morning!
Blessings,
Bev
Yes Bev! Oh how I know those types of words. God has them. He has you too! XOXO
I absolutely LOVE your heart for the truth of Christ and the way you build hope in so many. What an awesome acronym for L.O.V.E “Letting Obstacles Vanish and Enduring Faith Win 🙂 So thankful for your friendship Kelly and can’t wait to hug your neck at She Speaks!! #RaRaLinkUp
You spoke right to my life today. And now I have to make some things right.
I am so guilty of this as well, Kelly! I love the idea of choosing love over fear. What a beautiful way to readjust our words and actions. This: “But speaking fear is just criticism wrapped with a thin bow of “care”.” So eye opening, my friend. Thank you for this important lesson this morning.
For me, fear began in the form of worry early in my twenties. Worry gave way to anxiety, which culminated into fear. It was during that time that I realized the POWER of God’s word. I don’t know how many times I repeated Philippians 4:6 outloud, but it was dozens of times per day! Seems like a lot, but that’s what it took to get it to soak deep into my spirit until I believed it. I love how you described fear here. We can affect others as we try to hide our own fear. The alternative? LOVE. Awesome!
Worries have to be squelched or they start an inferno that burns God’s presence. I know what you mean, Kristine. Let’s walk in LOVE!
Kristine, I am so glad that God soaked the truth of his words deep down in your soul. He overcomes everything. Praise God for that! Great job at being diligent.
Fear. It’s a great big wet blanket that immobilizes us, renders us useless, keeps us from moving ahead to all we were shaped to be.
It’s just gotta be the enemy’s biggest tool.
I’m saying ‘get behind me, Satan …’
I love that idea of it being a wet blanket. How true that is Dawn.
[…] P.S. I’m linking up today with Kelly Balarie at Purposeful Faith. […]
This is a great message today – simple, fairly easy to do and yet so often missed – love this reminder thank you xx
Thanks Tania!
Kelly, thanks for your encouragement today to L.O.V.E. not F.E.A.R.!
Amen!
Beautiful encouragement this morning, Kelly! I struggled of so long to learn that “perfect love casts out fear.” As a parent or spouse, or friend, it’s even harder. You echoed what I’ve been discovering, “Love doesn’t run to save, but trusts Jesus to.” So hard, but so good! Blessings today!
Lisa Murray
Glad you liked it Lisa!
I love acronyms & so loved what you have shared here. May we remember to frame our days in “love” causing obstacles to vanish & faith to win. So glad to be here!
I love the acronyms. I have spent much time frustrated with an Aunt of mine that always speaks fear, only to get convicted that I myself often do it to my kids! Sheesh! God is so good to show us this stuff, and I’m so glad He used you to speak these words into my life. Thank you for your words!
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Good morning, sweet friend!
I am most guilty of speaking fear to myself. But, I too can sometimes wrap my ‘care’ too tightly around those I love, and squeeze out the joy. I love your example of how to reframe a simple situation to add to joy for our little ones. I learn something new each week here!
Blessings,
Kamea
I love that you are learning. May this always be the case. May we support each other more and more in love. No more fake bows of care! Toss those things (they are hard to get off of gifts anyway)
Kelly- Yes. We wrap fear in a bow of care and we strangle out the joys of life. It’s the little things, like spilling the bucket that lead to a slow death. I love your acronyms and your encouraging message. Your words always minister to me. Blessings and joy to you!
That little bow tricks us, doesn’t it? May your day be blessed Karen!
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Oh my, YES!!!! I’m the parent that doesn’t do that, and it’s so hard to watch my spouse drain the joy out of us all (because he unintentionally does it to me, too). I’m all about messy exploration and being dangerous (while I watch quietly and closely with adult-understanding and caution!).
You put words to things that have been on my heart lately, and I couldn’t put words to it. I wanted to say all of this recently! Thank you!
I hate being that way, don’t you? But, God doesn’t condemn us, he is teaching us. Praise God for that.
Thanks for always encouraging and speak words of wisdom! Be Blessed Kelly and keep writing for Him. Thanks also for hosting #RaRalinkup!
W/Love,
Tayrina from TGAWrites
Thanks Tayrina! XOXO
Fear’s a biggee lately. God tapped me on my heart’s shoulder and said, “It’s time we talk about releasing fear.” You’re speaking more encouragement, my friend, once again! Love it.
The fear monger can sure show up in our own hearts sometimes, can’t it?! Love to be encouraging. Praise God!
Let it go dear one! Me too! Let’s do it together.
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Good reminder to speak life- thank you friend!
Of course!
Kelly, I needed to read this today. I’m not yet sure what I need to do differently, practically speaking. But I need to do something, and your words are helping me process what that is. So thank you!
I praise God for this opportunity to help you work God’s will through your life, Lois. What an honor!
What great encouragement, Kelly. That contrast between fear and love – such a perfect picture of the way Christ loves us. He casts out our fear with that love that breathes truth into our life.
Thanks Tiffany! God is greater. He is a speaker of love and never fear. Amen!
Kelly, I so needed this! I am so quick to see the problem in every situation rather than the joy to be had. Thank you for the encouragement!
Yes, let’s see the opportunity to trust God in faith! Thanks for leaving a comment Helen. It is a joy to have you!
testing replies inside admin
Thank you, Kelly, for your encouraging words of love that help me step away from fear. : )
Let’s step back and see Jesus work! Thanks Crystal!
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Hi Kelly! I think you’ve hit on a common obstacle for many of us. So easy to be negative, while thinking that we’re being helpful, or cautious. Why not encourage instead? Be a person who can help remove barriers, and not create more of them?
Great words today 🙂
Ceil
Yes Ceil! And, it isn’t an apparent sin, so it can prevail. I am with you. May you have much love today!
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Encouraging post…we need these reminders on a daily bases. Thanks.
Oh my goodness, I so agree!
Oh my word, Kelly, this is wonderful! I want to be a person who speaks LIFE. I know I have been that person who speaks fear and have also been the recipient of it, but God is showing me that with Him ALL things are possible. Thank you for speaking love and life, friend. xoxo
I am so glad this spoke Abby! Yes, all things are possible and we need not worry. It can be hard in the moment, but life-giving as we really fall into his arms of support. Love you sweet friend.
I love your fear and love acrostics! YES. This is what I do, all the time – pop someone’s balloon and rain on their parade, because I’ve always got to point out the part we need to worry about. I do this to my husband especially, because I am a fearful person, and he is an all-out go getter! Thank you for this post, I will remember and apply it.
Thanks Ruthie! Let’s speak love! Let it just pour out from us.
I grew up a a home with a very loving mom who, also, struggled with a lot of fear. She definitely tried not to let it keep her children from doing things, but her worry was a constant battle for her.
Your post was very encouraging and thought provoking. I especially like this statement, “But speaking fear is just criticism wrapped with a thin bow of “care”. The “care” bow doesn’t last, but often it’s the underlying words of fear that endure.”
Thanks so much for your linkup. Hope you’ll come linkup with me sometime.
Blessings,
Donna
Donna, I would love to linkup. What day is your linkup? Fear speakers induce a questioning spirit. I know how that feels.
Your post convicts me – for not only am I a fearful person myself, but I also have a way of *spreading* that fear to others. I sometimes tell myself that I’m just cautious, and reminding others to be careful. But sometimes my words just *plant* thoughts that aren’t necessary.
Oh that the Lord might free me from my fears, and make my words emboldening and encouraging to others. I want to spread faith, not fear!!
GOD BLESS!
Yes, I now what you mean. It is so easy to justify these words. But, God is not in favor of fear – unless it is fear of him. 😉 Great comments and insight Sharon! Thank you for that.
What a wonderful article! I love that you said you are building into the joy. Those are very encouraging words! Thanks for hosting and hope you have a fantastic week 🙂
Love always wins!! 🙂
It sure does Tara!
Dawn, I love this. I love how you explain that a soft and gentle word (to yourself) can turn away wrath. This makes me think of how God calls us to be soft and gentle to ourselves rather than dish out wrath to ourselves. Oh my goodness! I love that. Thank you.
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Much good, purpose voice is really incredible, I will start to write for my parents too and I hope to get a lot of people, I’m living in Brazil