My daughter said something that I couldn’t entirely make out from the front seat of the car. Still, I knew where she was going with this whole line of thinking. She’d talked like this 100 times, so I instinctively blurted out, “Don’t even think about doing that!”
Suddenly, there was silence. And more silence. I glanced in the rearview mirror to see what was going on. It was then, when I saw her destroyed face, that I knew I did something horribly wrong…
“Mom, did you even hear what I said?” she asked.
“Umm…” I muttered.
My heart sank. An assumption in my mind effectively trampled the goodness flowing out of her heart. She didn’t say something wrong; she was saying something good.
I’m horrible.
I’m learning that when assumption or presumption direct my conversation, it usually leads to contention. I have been guilty of this with my husband, too.
Especially, when I say things like:
You always…
You never…
I know he will…
Negative declarations over my husband, set me up to walk in presumption and assumption. Rather than giving my husband the benefit of the doubt and space to do a new thing, I put faith in an expected outcome, and offer him no space to try out a new thing. All this furthers offense and solidifies negative patterns.
We butt heads. Old cycles continue, on repeat. We both are on edge.
Ever been there? Maybe your husband does that to you. I know it hurts.
In the bible, the Pharisees were fast assumption-makers about Jesus when he cast out a demon.
“. . . they said . . . “it is only by Beelzebub, the prince of demons, that this fellow drives out demons.” But Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.” (Mt. 12:24-25)
To assume and presume is to fill the supernatural gap where God wants to move with our own naturally-minded nonsense. It’s like bridging a gap with icky gum, rather than allowing God to construct his bridge of solid rock, so we can effectively cross over into a new way of being and going.
Carnally-minded, non-grace giving words, tear down not only things of the Lord and passages to new ways of going, but also, our very own houses.
“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” (Prov. 14:1)
God shows us another way to breakthrough:
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Eph. 4:29)
What would it look like for you to extend grace before the recipient even deserves it? How might that change the face of your relationship?
If you want more wisdom, strength and practical help for your marriage, join the “Help My Marriage Workshop” this Thursday (tomorrow), December 14th live or via recording.
Gain strength for your marriage, as well as:
1. Practical strategies to believe God when everything looks dark and dim.
2. Breakthrough testimonies and stories to help you persevere.
3. Prayer strategy that defeats the devil’s schemes.
4. Ways to set up boundaries that safeguard your heart and your children.
5. Prayer and encouragement.
Prayer: Father, I repent of believing lies. Help me to see those around me through your eyes of love. Let me believe the best, instead of rashly thinking the worst. Give me grace to have hope in every relationship. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
