Purposeful Faith

Running When You Feel Like A Loser

When You Feel Like A Loser

My mouth says I want to “run with endurance the race that is set before (me)”, (Heb. 12:1), but my feet often go in the opposite direction.

I get set, and ready to go, until I fall and am ready to cry.

It’s a dichotomy I just can’t beat.

I snap back at my husband when I know a kind word turns away wrath.
Prov. 15:1

I think bad thoughts towards a rude person when I need to forgive as I have been forgiven.  Col. 3:13

I yell at my children, when God says to bear up under one another in love.
Eph 4:2

I judge a sister in Christ when God tells me to first look at the log in my own eye.
Mt. 7:3

I take pride in my work when God tells me at the proper time I will be exalted.
1 Pet. 5:6

While my mind says, it’s all for you God, I am running hard and fast for you, my actions say, “it’s still kind of all about me.” I can’t let go. I can’t break through. I can’t succeed with God.”

The pounding of my feet on the sidewalk of God’s mission, start to turn into fists pounding on my heart, saying “Why can’t you just do better?”

Pound. You gotta get it together.
Pound. People won’t see Christ in you.
Pound. Are you really a Christ follower when you mess up so much?
Pound. You are selfish.

And one who is beaten to the ground, can’t be running a good race for Jesus.
One who is pounding themselves, can’t be pounding the ground.
One fallen, can’t be encouraging others.
They can’t “Run in such a way as to get the prize.” (1 Cor. 9:24)

As I investigate my heart, my sin, and my desire, I am coming to see that God understands this roadblock too.

In order to run, run, run, we are instructed to unload, unload, unload: “let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance…” (Heb 12:1)

Why?

so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. (Phil 2:6)

Jesus understands the struggle of a heart striving towards him. He doesn’t come to point our our lagger tendencies. He tells us to unload and rise up. To let go, and to move our feet. To say I am sorry, and to speed into his love. To send the failure fits to the sidelines and to move forward in faithful fury.

I’ve noticed, as I can let that go, I no longer feel like a girl running in circles, I no longer feel like the big loser on Olympics day, but instead I start to move forward – in a straight line – gliding into forgiveness, forging into peace, wholeheartedly striding into hope and joyfully pumping into the cheering applause of my loving Savior who roots me on with all that he is.

So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. 1 Cor. 9:26

The question is not will I fall, because I will. The question, is – will I unload, confess and believe the promises of God (aka – get back up again), because this is where the race is won. This is where I stop pounding myself for every bad action and start pounding the streets with the message of Jesus Christ crucified and glorified.

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Today I am linking up with the fabulous Suzie Eller for #LiveFreeThursday.

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Kelly, a fun-loving, active and spunky mom of two rambunctious toddlers, spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers and pursuing the Lord with all her heart. Called a "Cheerleader of Faith", Kelly's greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully and unencumbered for the Lord.

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24 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I love the idea of unloading. Sooooooo necessary! It’s funny how I never realize how much I have to unload until I mess up. Right then, that should cue to just go to God. Kneel before him and unpack all I’m carrying on my own! Thanks, Kelly!

  • Beautiful post, Kelly! I love this response to Suzie’s prompt. (Don’t you just love her prompts?) I so get what you say at the beginning of this post. God’s word tells us EXACTLY what we should do, and we end up doing the opposite. So refreshing to unload, receive forgiveness and get back up again! Let’s run towards Him!

  • Hey Kelly! Yes, I’m good at ‘pounding’ on myself too. I hate it when I make mistakes. I feel like I’ve let God down! But I have to take those thoughts captive and replace them with God’s promises from HIs word. When I do, there is freedom! Thanks for the good word today:)

  • “Jesus understands the struggle of a heart striving towards him. He doesn’t come to point our our lagger tendencies. He tells us to unload and rise up. To let go, and to move our feet. To say I am sorry, and to speed into his love. To send the failure fits to the sidelines and to move forward in faithful fury.”
    Amen, yes, and amen again!

  • Good morning, Kelly,
    This message to cease striving, and surrender all into His loving and capable hands is being repeated to me over and over these days. It seems it’s a lesson many of us are learning, and I guess there’s some solace in knowing that I am not alone in being a little slow to learn – or at least learn to apply this truth! But instead of beating myself up over it, I’ll take your advice, get back up, and continue the race.
    Blessings and hugs,
    Kamea

    • Hi Kamea! I hope you are well. Thank you for your insight. It does seem like a process of more and more and more letting go of all that holds. I am finding peace in that process, but it almost takes a continual awareness. God is good and he works in hearts that seek him, so we can both be encouraged!

  • I felt that pound, pound, pound as I ran and walked yesterday. I wondered if I’d ever just run without having to stop and walk for a period of time, and then I gave myself grace. I started to enjoy the spurts of running. <3 Thanks, Kelly, for being you.

  • “Jesus understands the struggle of a heart striving towards him.” Kelly, I find such comfort and grace in this. God knows I’m a finite, sinful, frail girl who really does desire to obey him, but who often struggles because I am, well, finite, sinful and frail! I love the picture of casting off these weights at Jesus’ feet as I continue to run, not just once but as often as necessary. Despite my many weaknesses, he is for me, and I’m so grateful!

  • As a runner, I had to click this link. I was visiting your today post, and I noted the title of your past one. I pound the pavement and my mind/heart with those same questions/scriptures. I appreciate you linking these thoughts together and revealing your humble heart. We are weak. He is strong. We fail. His Word never will. We run, and he helps us find the strength to do one day a time. We receive loving grace and forgiveness so that we can in turn share that with others. Faith is a marathon not a sprint. We train our hearts, bodies, and minds in Christ. It is a forever partnership. He leads. We learn. jenn

  • Oh Kelly, yes, let’s “stop pounding myself for every bad action and start pounding the streets with the message of Jesus Christ crucified and glorified.” Thank you for always cheering me on in my faith, sweet sister!

  • Moving forward in faith, undeterred, eyes fixed on Jesus – it’s often easier said than done, isn’t it? Eeek – I can think of a time (or ten) when I’ve fallen, then laid there staring up at the sky trying to get my bearings – for what feels like forever. So glad that our faith is one that picks us up, dusts us off, and propels us forward – and that God is gracious every. single. step. of the way!

    • It can be so hard to do Tiffany. It’s so hard to have the desire and to miss the mark. I praise God with you Tiffany, that he pours out grace after grace after grace on us. We are free in that love.

  • Hey i’m a guy no fair all women replies, but that was great uplifting,inspiring and uplifting never looked at it that way thanks that’s where the sneakers meets the road

    • Thank you for responding Jacob. I love having men respond, so your comment made me smile super big. I am delighted that you felt uplifted and inspired. Walk, run and move – full of God’s grace – towards your maker. He loves you so much.

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