Purposeful Faith

Drowning in Inadequacy

Drowning in Inadequacy

Just yesterday, I watched my husband and son in the pool. For them, it was fun and games. Laughs flew left, water flew right, my son bounced up, yet all that splashed into my heart was fear. 

Cold, bitter, shiver-inducing fear.
Fear that erases smiles and creates armors of protection.
Fear that ruins snap-shot moments in families.

“I am not as good of a mother as he is a dad.”
“My son really doesn’t like being with me that much.”
“I stink at connecting.”
“I can’t seem to approach him right.”
“He will never love me.
“Let’s be honest, I am not really that good of a mother.”

Drenched with inadequacy, my fears were ready to send me out to fight or on a far-off flight.

All that seemed to bubble out of my heart was the idea that I am not lovable, not worthy and not good enough. It made me want to march right out to say, “Hey, what about me? Do you all even see me? I am good too! (imagine the hands on the hips)”

And, let me tell you, there would be consequences if I wasn’t acknowledged.

That’s how demands of “what about me” work.  These ploys serve as the antithesis, the foil and the opposite of love. They topple down opinions, values and truths of others to erect their own statues of needs.

They basically say:
Hey, you, it’s all about me.
If I can’t fill that hole inside me, I will beat around the bush until I get what I need.
You better or I’ll ___________ .
If all else fails, I’ll  simply shut down shop and take off!

Far from any cooler soaked victory, my feelings place me on the sidelines as if I play for team “better luck next time.”

Better luck, loser momma!

Why must I always be the winner? The SUPER MOM to the rescue?!

Perhaps, luck isn’t what I need, Jesus is.

It’s not super amazing, double with a half-twist dive into family praises that transforms me, but God’s entire wrapping over my life, my heart and all the steps I take. Because, the hard and fast truth is that some days, I will feel like a Super-loser (_____) (momma, worker, friend, spouse, sister, daughter, church member).

But, I can’t help but think that there are other loser _____s out there who need an understanding shoulder on which to rest their head. I know I need theirs. Because, there will be days, I won’t feel  good enough and there will be days they won’t be good enough too.

When we open up our hearts to share “I-am-not-good-enough” moments, they become the passing point to the love of Christ. It is as if the doors of the drawbridge open and Jesus sails straight through to our precise destination of need.

Yet, so often we shut this part down. We say, “I am a loser today, I better put on some makeup.”

But, Jesus never said he cared much for makeup. And, he doesn’t care much for us making ourselves over with fake products to get what we need. They don’t work to well at covering shame anyway!

Winning status’ aren’t on his play board either- unless it’s about pouring out the victory that has already been won in Christ.

He has heard our prayers, now he wants our heart.

Jesus, convicts my heart. The truth is it’s not about my feeling good, looking good or winning good, but it’s about you loving good through me.

“So those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last.” Mt. 20:16

Jesus models this so well.

He takes the those limping like the least of these,
to make them the most of these.

He rides in on a donkey,
with the power of God behind him, to save the world.

He gets down onto a dirty floor, cuddles up next to the grime of another’s feet
and shows us the way.

Jesus never said, “Yo! Over here! See me! See my height, my stature, my awesomeness.”
He never said, “You better be perfect.”
He never said, “You will never feel bad.”

He simply says, “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’  The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31

So, as I start to put on that can-never-match-up cape, I hope I can stop to remember:

1. The Word of God drowns inadequacy with the promises of God.

2. Jesus tramples the idea that we should beat ourselves down for who we are today. He came to rescue us this way.

3. Less makeup = more chances to make up with our faith-floundering heart. Then, we can send it out to make up the world with the markings of Jesus’ love.

4. I would be a loser if it wasn’t for Jesus, but he stripped me of that status when he died on the cross, forever securing my title of “victorious in him.”

Bottom line: Jesus doesn’t care so much about feelings of superiority or even adequacy, as much as he does about his all-nourishing adequacy.

There is no one like him,
no one above him,
no one who can match him, or beat him or control him,
no other name reigns like his.

He is the everything of all we want to be…
he is the gate that opens to the humble road
that leads to the ultimate filling place of our deepest desires.

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If you are going to She Speaks, there are 2 things to do:

1. Please RSVP here for the morning #RaRalinkup get together/breakfast.
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purposefulfaith

Kelly, a fun-loving, active and spunky mom of two rambunctious toddlers, spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers and pursuing the Lord with all her heart. Called a “Cheerleader of Faith”, Kelly’s greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully and unencumbered for the Lord.

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61 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Kelly,
    I can honestly answer, “Me too,” about feeling like a loser. Just put my hand with a giant “L” up to my forehead and there ya go! Like you said, I need to continually tap into God’s word and His promises to keep the “loser lie” at bay. And when I do feel those feelings, let that be my signal to let go, open up, and let Jesus love through me. Thanks for some great encouragement this morning! I won’t be at She Speaks, but hope to see you and others at Allume 🙂
    Blessings,
    Bev xx

    • Hey Bev, I am at work to convince my husband and my God that I need to go to Allume. Let’s hope the funding rolls in. 😉 I am dreaming of the day when I can grab and hug you silly. Much love to you today Bev. The truth is – we would be losers if it wasn’t for Jesus. He saved us from that status.

  • Kelly,
    I’ve been there too but looking at other moms at the playground and comparing. But Jesus is so sweet. He swiftly speaks to my heart and nudges to remind me to not be focused on self but focused on Him. And that little nudge has the ability to turn it all around.

  • Good word today, Kelly! Oh, how I can relate. I think I’ve actually sat at the pool and played this comparing game before. The enemy loves to tell me lies and make me focus on myself. Keeping my eyes on Jesus today!

    • Thank you Micah. The enemy is the master at making our hearts feel dead with value. If he can do that, he can stop us in our tracks. Let’s fight back with God’s purpose! Ready, go!

  • Oh, Kelly. You had my attention from your first word, and I was sitting right with you at poolside. Thanks for your honesty here and for bringing us around the full gospel circle back to Christ. I wrote these stunning words in my journal: “He is the everything of all we want to be…he is the gate that opens to the humble road that leads to the ultimate filling place of our deepest desires.” Amen! Thanks for sharing your gift here and using it to encourage others.

  • Me too! I am having such a hard time connecting with my youngest. A war all the time. I’m so thankful that Christ is enough even when I am not. Through him, I can overcome just as I am.

  • Inadequacy creeps in when I least expect it. I can be perfect fine one minute and then in the next feel like I am not good at anything. Right now this seems to manifest itself as I am writing. Right along side my inadequacy comes God who is adequate and good in every way. He shows me over and over that He loves me right now and exactly the way I am. It is a beautiful thing when we let down our guard because we have a beautiful God who loves us no matter what. Thank you for always hitting me right between the eyes with truth and grace.

    • Yes, sometimes we can yell at ourself to get better until we are blue in the face, but I find when we see his face we come back to life, if you know what I mean. Thanks for sharing Kaylie!

  • My boys are six and four and right now and Dad is a superhero! I can so relate to this description. I’m constantly swallowing pride and asking God for reminders that they love me too:) I can only imagine how my husband must have felt when they were just babies!! I’m thankful that, when God remains the focus, His acceptance is steady and consistent throughout all the stages our kids and we go through! Thanks Kelly:)

    • Yes, there is a lot of beauty in the consistency of God, isn’t there Meg. You bring to mind something we probably often overlook a lot. I understand your struggle (obviously!). When we see our value in Christ, suddenly it all comes together.

  • Yes see you Friday morning for breakfast.

    I had a dream yesterday morning about drowning, yep, in inadequacy for my son-& His Son came to the rescue. Parallel minds & thoughts Kelly.

    Soon! So looking forward to SheSpeaks!

    • Wow Susan. The Lord is speaking. This is a message to your heart from him. I praise him for the words he speaking. I love it when he uses the body to bring more life. He’s so good!

  • Amen to this, Kelly!
    “There is no one like him,
    no one above him,
    no one who can match him, or beat him or control him,
    no other name reigns like his.”

    With our eyes focused on ourselves, we never measure up. With our eyes focused on Him, He’s MORE than enough.

  • Isn’t it crazy how those thoughts can creep in unexpectedly? We have to constantly be on the offensive. That’s why saturating our lives with scripture is so important! Thank you for sharing God’s promises for when we feel unimportant and unnoticed.

  • Holy moly I SO wrestle with feelings of inadequacy and shame like this. I’m learning to take those thoughts captive and replace them with the truth, but boy is it hard! Thanks for this encouragement to keep fighting that battle and keep trusting God to rescue me from that battle. I’m grateful for this community of women coming alongside each other to encourage and uplift one another!

    • These are hard feelings. They are painful, overwhelming, and destructive. But Jesus is the way, the truth and the life and he has us. I am so thankful for this group of women too Lauren. The support we provide is awesome.

  • Good morning sweet Kelly,
    I loved your number 4 ~ “…He stripped me of that status when he died on the cross, forever securing my title of “victorious in him.”
    I struggle with this too. I’m learning that often these lies come from the enemy, and need to be rebuked in Jesus name. Jesus died so we could be free, may we live free indeed!
    By the way, I didn’t know you had a FB group – I’ll have to look for you there!
    Much love,
    Kamea

  • So wish I could be ’round the table with y’all at She Speaks! I’ll be there in spirit cheering you on from the Midwest. 😉 Kelly, I could relate to this “look at me over here” mentality that you described at the pool. Such a great reminder to shift our focus from “love me” to “let Christ love others through me.”

  • I’m soaking up your message, Kelly. My favorite line: “He is the everything of all we want to be…” Thank you for hosting this upbeat ministry and encouraging us with your words.

    Gratefully,
    Mary

  • Kelly, I love this truth: “The Word of God drowns inadequacy with the promises of God.” Those moments, days, or sometimes a lifetime of not feeling enough because we’re not, we can be enough through Him who is more than we need. Thank you for baring your heart and sharing your honest struggles to point to the One who meets you in those “not enough” times.

  • Thanks for this reminder today, Kelly! I’ve struggled with feelings of inadequacy all my life – hence, self pity. I’ve learned to give it over to the Lord and He has given victory time and time again – but still, it continues to be a something I deal with. I’m so glad God doesn’t give up on us! The examples of Jesus on the donkey and washing dirty, grimy feet are perfect – it’s not, “Hey, look at me!” but, “Hey! Look at God!”
    Thanks for hosting, as always!

  • Kelly, Kelly, Kelly……I’ve certainly walked this road myself and know the dangerous pot holes. You’re speaking truth and strength, girl. Praise the Lord…the One who leads us triumphantly past the “what about me” and other “I’m not good enough” moments.

  • “The Word of God drowns inadequacy with the promises of God.” Well this went straight to my weighed down soul and bathed it in His promised provision, Kelly. If I dwell in Him and He in me, then He is more than adequate for all my identity searching and correction. Much love, lady, God’s bigger than big blessings for you!

    • Oh, I love your words Christine – that your soul was bathed in his provision. How beautiful. I deeply delight in his speaking to you. God is bigger than blessings – I was just thinking that today! Amen!

  • Kelly,
    I’m so glad you listened to Jesus’ words of truth, love and grace instead of the enemy’s lies…each day it is a battle to surrender our wills and thoughts to God…many blessings to you and your family 🙂

  • I have an interview tomorrow morning and have been struggling with thoughts of inadequacy because of my most recent job losses and lack of self control. Like many other ladies, I am trying to take every thought captive and trust God with His will – to have this job or not. I pray I’ve learned from my past experience and will continue to grow and mature into the woman He created me to be! ♡
    Thanks for your awesome reminder of truth and truth! ♡

  • Sometimes God’s timing is so funny. I wrote about Godly fear vs worldly fear last week at my place. Fear really does have a way of stealing us of our joy, doesn’t it? I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit bringing peace and helping me to trust in God.

  • Kelly I loved this statement, “The Word of God drowns inadequacy with the promises of God.” This sentence so beautifully parallels the inadequacy you felt at the pool. I too know the struggle with feeling inadequate but it is completely nailed to the cross. May we forever be reminded when we vacillate between truth and lies.

  • Kelly,

    You have such a way of touching on the deep hard things with the grace and ability to keep it from feeling like the bandage is being ripped off. 🙂 that is good!
    As a momma of now teens, oy…this hits home. I feel inadequate and under-appreciated. I miss when my kids were littles and somehow I could usually fix it when I did mess up. You have it so right, friend…Jesus is our all-nourishing adequacy.
    Blessings,
    Dawn

    • What a sweet note this is Dawn because I want to hit God’s truth head on and still be full of grace. It’s a hard line. I value your words. Jesus has us, even when we feel like less-than momma!

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